I am lost now
I am without what I once knew
Everything has changed
And not for the better
Life is sometimes too much to handle
I cannot grasp what is happening around me
It's like a bad nightmare that I cannot seem to wake up from
My world is spinning out of control
She cheated on me for 2 months with a man
A man that is now her boyfriend
She lied until I finally got it out of her
Now all I am to her is her "best friend"
Yes it is true, she knows me better than anyone else
She knows me better than my own parents know me
Yes, she is my best friend
But I always wanted to be more than that
And we were for the last 4 years
Until she decided to cheat on me with a man
The grass isn't always greener on the other side
And maybe she'll see that
I do believe in Karma
The good kind and the bad kind
She has hurt me so
And broken my heart into a million pieces
And I believe if she is due bad karma for the hurt that she has caused me
Than so be it, I have no control of the Karma that she receives
I do not wish bad upon her
I want her to be happy
Even if it is not with me
However, a part of me wishes that she ends up not happy with him
A part of me wishes that it doesn't work out with him
Not necessarily so she can come back to me
But so she can understand what it feels like to have your heart ripped out of your chest
So she can understand what it feels like to have your heart broken into a million pieces
A part of me wants her to feel the pain that she has caused me
A part of me wants her to feel heartbreak
But I am a good person
And I do not wish ill on anyone
I want everyone to be happy and loved
I am just not a person like her that can hurt others intentionally
My world has become nothing but darkness
And I don't know how to cope
I try to live life one day at a time
But my life without her, without us as a couple
Saddens me and breaks my heart even more
We still live together and living with her
Knowing that she is not mine and that she is with someone else
Kills me all over again
The pain I feel is unbearable
And indescribable
I know life will go on
But I don't want life to go on without her
While she is my best friend and unfortunately that's all
And she is still living with me
I know one day she will move away to be with the man she left me for
And my heart will break all over again
My world will be shattered into a million pieces all over again
And I will lose her completely, forever
I can't cope or grasp this whole situation at all
Is this what dying from a broken heart feels like?
If so I don't want to live anymore