3 Feb 2008

I hate myself right now. I hate who i've become. I hate that i don't hate a job. I hate that i don't have any money.
I hate myself cos i feel like i'm a failure. I feel like i'm not good enough 4 any1. I feel like every1 expects so much of me.
I just don't know wat 2 do anymore. I feel so lost inside. My mind is a ticking time bomb just waiting 2 go off.
Somethin is crawlin on my skin..i don't know wat it is but its something
I ripped the skin off my foot. I think i have athletes feet thanks 2 the army cos i had 2 wear those combat boots wen i was n the army.
I can't sleep. Kourtnee is passed out next 2 me. She so snores n her sleep. Lol.. I forgot exactly wat she has.
I know that she has to use a nebulizer when she gets real sick. I think thats why she snores 4 one.
I can't sleep but my eyes are gettin heavy. I had 2 pee earlier and before i went 2 the bathroom i was fallin asleep.
After i came bak from the bathroom i was wide awake again. But my eyes are so gettin heavy again.
I feel like i'm bout 2 go 2 sleep soon.
Maria scared the shit out of me earlier. She sat str8 up & it scared me. I don't think she was awake tho.
I talked 2 her but she didn't respond. Lol. Kevin is in there talkin 2 himself. Elizabeth was talkin n her sleep.
It was freakin me out. I guess n a way i'm scared. I'm scared about a lot of things.
I don't like Craigsville. This town scares the hell out of me. I'm not goin 2 get n2 all that tho. I don't talk about my feelings tho.
I so was going 2 fix something 2 eat but every1 went 2 bed on me. I'm layin n bed but can't sleep.
I can't even use the internet on my phone cos i'm n roaming cos we're out n Craigsville.
I took kourtnee back 2 school 2 c every1 but there weren't many ppl there. She ended up having an argument with Nicolette.
She never did tell me wat that was about. Or wat corey said. Maybe she didn't tell me cos she didn't want me gettin pissed off.

Wats happened n 2007

My alcoholism got worse.. I overdosed on vicoden wen sara i 1st started hangin out.. I moved outta walters apt.. Moved bak n my parents house.. Fell n love been with her since feb 14th 2007..got 2 go 2 my hometown townsend tennesse 4 my bday. Overdosed on ativan and adderall and sara and my mom took care of me that nite..started school..sara moved n with my parents and i..

New years

This is the 2nd year that ive gone without my parents. Next year im watchin the ball drop with my parents. Sara i are at her parents house waitin 2 watch the ball drop. Her parents r awesome. I love them. They r totally cool.

Words of wisdom

Just remember.... You have to make yourself happy before you make anyone else happy! It only matters how you see yourself! You cant make anyone else happy if your not happy! You have to be confident about yourself, not conceited or cocky necessarily but you have to tell yourself that you are a beautiful person not just on the inside but on the outside also!

2007 wat a year

2007 has been a great yr. Ive lost touch with sum ppl, lost friendships gaind friendships. Its been a great yr but also it hasnt. I started with the dept of rehabilitative services n nov of 06 with plans 2 go 2 skool. 1 stipulation was that wth my histry of drinkn and doin drugs that i wud go 2 aa and na. I went 2 a couple meetins but than i stoppd goin. I went n nov but stoppd goin. On new yrs of 07 i went2 club216 and got totally wasted. Cant remember much of wat happnd that nite. I told myslef that i wasnt goin2 drink anymore or do drugs but i continued it. I dated ppl that did both so that didnt help me 2 stop doin it. I lived with my best friend walter and we always drank. I eventually moved outta walters and n2 my parents. I started hangn out with sara who i had known4awhile i just never hung out with her. We bcame best friends nstantly. She helpd me get off the drugs alcohol..

Dinner

Sara, shay, kristen, i decided 2 go out 2 dinner so we went 2 boston beanery. We're all just sitting here havin a good time, takin pix enjoyin new years eve. I ordered an angus steak with mushrooms onions. Sara i are goin 2 her mom dads 2 ring in the new year.

Me this is who i am..dont like it sorry

Im adventurous, energetic, courageous, enthusiastic, confident sometimes told im conceited but on the bad side..im selfish sometimes, quick tempered, very impulsive, impatient even tho ud thought id learned patience n the army, foolhardy a daredevil. Very open 2 new ideas a lover of freedom. I welcome challenges will not b diverted from my purpose except by my own impatience. Always takin pix of myself always lookin n the mirror. Sumtimes i come off a little arrogant, cocky conceited. Been told im an asshole many times.