Sunday, September 29, 2013
My Schizophrenic Mind
Sometimes I feel like I'm out of my mind
Or maybe its the feeling that I'm losing my mind
Sometimes I feel like my head is going to explode
I can't take the thoughts anymore
I take a deep breath
And tell myself its going to be okay
The thoughts consume me
As I can't take it anymore
Are they even thoughts?
Or is my mind playing tricks on me?
Sometimes I can't stop thinking
Then I make myself even more paranoid
I hate being a Paranoid Schizophrenic
I try not to let it take me over
Or consume me & who I am
But that is who I am
That is who I'll always be
But I suppose I am okay with that
I should take pride in who I am
Which isn't so bad I guess
It seems like I create scenarios in my head
And then I start to believe them
Is she cheating?
Yes she is, well maybe not
What if this happened?
It did happen or didn't it?
Everyone is staring at me
Or are they?
A Quote From Me
"Nobody but me is gonna change my story, sometimes you have to be tough to make it through this life but I've always been tough, I had to be". -Bean
My Poetry: "Lingering"
"Lingering"
By Angela D. Bean
You linger
standing there
in dispair
waiting for your thoughts
to sort themselves out
but its like a cloud
you run and shout
then drop to your knees
because high above the seas
you see the stars
there is a twinkle above
you think maybe its a shooting star
but you thought the fairies were all gone
maybe they're gently singing their song
a fairy flies through the sky
trying to give you a signal
that she is there
Fate hasn't forgotten you
and fate isn't going to bring you anything bad
fate is giving you what destiny is going to deal you
You got to go through the deck of cards
waiting for an unexpected hand
The haunted memory may haunt you
but that is why I am here
Your best friend
to take my sword
and cut down those memories
that pain you so much
I will take your hand best friend
and run with you
and we can run for shelter too
it seems the past is coming back to haunt me too
and I need somewhere to deck
So we shall run from the memories that haunt us
they haunt us so
in our dreams
in our thoughts
but we are about to escape them all
We can do it together
My Poetry: "Why"
Why
By: Angela D. Bean
Why is that we hear
the sounds of silence
ringing so loudly in our ears
Why is that we cannot be
who we want to be
Why is that the person we always wanted to be
is the person that we have not become
Why do I get myself into situations
that seems that I cannot get out of
I try so hard
but I lack the will power to say no
And the power to tell the people
not to walk all over me
like I am a doormat
for their disgusting feet
Why do I let this happen?
My Poetry: "Lost"
"Lost" by Angela D. Bean
Written: 28 August 2006
Sittin here
don't now what to say
my words will flow
one day
I've lost the words
I've been longing to say
lost my place
in this world
I gotta find
what I'm looking for
Let this rhythm flow
just let loose
let it go
One day
you will come to my show
and hear
what I've been tryin to say for years
I lost my place here
so I moved away
doing better now
And its just another day
but I'm still lost
My Poetry: I Can Now See
"I Can Now See" by Angela D. Bean
Grew up
seen a lot of shit
writing is all I got
nothing will make me stop
One hit, two hits
and I will drop
so I decided to stop
I don't want to live my life like that
I gotta get my head back
this shit is wack
Say it again, then I take it back
I don't want to live that life again
Everyday I would sin
everyday I felt like I was closer to death
Like I was taking my last breath
One shoot of the needle
And I felt like I could fly
And I never knew why
But now I know, cos I was about to die
So I'm living my life now
And I'm erasing my past
I can now see
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