Homophobia is fuckin WRONG!!!

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn't have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the adolescent boy who committed suicide because my priest told me I would be better off dead than a sinner.

I am another adolescent boy who was molested for years by a priest who said God hates homosexuals, but I never told anyone because the priest convinced me it was my fault.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

Repost this if you believe homophobia is wrong.

Just Thinkin

Just Thinkin

I can't stop thinkin about her. She's intelligent, totally beautiful, and so fun to be with that she actually makes me forget the rest of my life is falling apart-its like she's so full of energy that it's contagious. But she has a quiet side too. There's something vulnerable about her that makes me want to get to know her even more. She give me butterflies in my stomach, she makes my heart skip a beat, and makes me smile. I don't want it to end. I feel a connection with her. I guess the only thing to do is ask her out. I'm just thinkin.

I Wonder

I Wonder

If a girl kisses you and then runs away, is that good or bad? It could mean she thinks it was a mistake and wants to forget it ever happened. Then again, maybe she was so blown away by the kiss that she didn't know what else to do. I'm hoping for number two, but she is sometimes hard to read that i have no way of knowing. But at the same time, I can read her so well. So the next question is, do i ask her about it? I don't know, I wonder.

Love, & Life, leaves a bad taste in my mouth....

Ever hear the expression "damned if you do, damned if you don't"? It's the dilemma of being repulsed by something and attracted to it at the same time. Like coffee. People drink it for the taste, the buzz, the sensation of holding a warm mug in their chubby little hands, or even because sipping the stuff makes them feel intellectual. Some people can't even begin their days without it. But then there's the downside. Caffeine headaches when they don't get enough, yellowed teeth if they drink too much. It's a turn-on and an aggravation all at once. Sort of like how Julie is to me.

Your Silence

Your Silence

I sit in your silence, scared
waiting patiently for recognition

For a word
For a breath
For a touch

But I am raw

Because i watch your hands instead
of writing
And listen for your breath instead
of breathing

It's strange
how close to you i feel

And the need i have
to help you,
to make me smile

And yet, I'm still sitting here,
waiting,
for you to let me

Did You Ever?

DiD YoU EvEr?

Ever have one of those days when everything falls apart?
And you have no idea what to do about it?
And you wish there was someone who could make the whole world disappear?
I've met that someone
And all she has to do is smile

Sometimes Yeah

sometimes i have a problem wit shootin shit in my veins
sometimes i drink da poisonous liquid dat im so addicted to
sometimes i like to snort shit in my nose so i can ease da pain
sometimes my heart feels like its goin to explode
sometimes my nose bleeds cos of my bad habits
sometimes i get real weak & feel like i could fall
sometimes my head feels like its spinning
sometimes it feels like life is passin me by
sometimes i feel real high, and nothin matters anymore
sometimes i just don care whether i live or die
sometimes i start coughin & puke up blood
sometimes im jus layin there after it all & am so fucked up i vomit & cant move
sometimes life is hard & i do this all to end da pain dat i feel
sometimes i just feel i cannot go on anymore
sometimes i think im goin to be alone for the rest of my life
sometimes i think im not ever goin to be good enough
sometimes i worry about my friends
sometimes i worry bout my family
sometimes i feel like im goin off the edge & cant take it no more
sometimes i think life would be much better if i wasnt around
sometimes i feel like no one really fuckin cares
sometimes i feel like im jus not goin to ever be good enough
sometimes yeah, just sometimes..............

Sometimes

sometimes i get really angry
sometimes i jus wan to fuckin scream
sometimes i jus don undastan
sometimes i feel like i can make anyone happy
sometimes i feel like im worthless
sometimes i wonda wat da point of bein alive really is
sometimes i wonda wat is my purpose on dis earth
sometimes i feel like jus disappearin
sometimes it jus seems like people don care no more
sometimes it jus seems like no one cares if they hurt others
sometimes it jus seems like there is no honest people left
sometimes it jus seems like people are so fake anymore
sometimes it jus seems like people lie
sometimes it jus seems there is no real people lef in dis world
sometimes i wonda why i was born
sometimes, its always, jus sometimes......

Thoughts

Sometimes I just don't know what to think. I don't understand life sometimes. It really does confuse me to a point. I don't understand how I can have all these feelings. I'm not sure if it is a good thing or a bad thing. I don know what is wrong with me, I really do not know. I don't know how to feel. I don't know what to do. I feel as if I am not myself anymore. I feel like a puppet sometimes. I look into the mirror and I see a complete stranger looking back at me. I wish I was young again, scraped knees and bruises are not nearly as bad as having a broken heart. Fixing scraped knees and bruises are much easier then fixing a broken heart. And I don't even know why I feel this way. I cant take it anymore. Its not necessarily that I am going to listen to my friends. Its more that I am going to take a break for awhile and listen to myself. Even though im not sure what I am really trying to tell myself though. Its weird, because I thought love was supposed to be this great thing, and when you were in love you felt like you were flying high above the sky into the heavens above. To me, that isn't what love is. Love is this pain that you have deep down inside you that you are tryin to get over but it just wont push itself out. When you're in love you're not supposed to feel such pain. I feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest. Everyday I wake up, I wish that I hadn't. Without her it just all seems impossible. I miss seeing her smile, I miss kissing her soft lips. I miss everything about her, everything about her made me smile. Except for the fact that she was still in love with him. That in a way hurt me. In a way I feel like this is all my fault. I feel like i made her run away. I should have told her sooner how i felt about her. I'm such a fool. I can't help it that I love her. I think I am just going to stay in the house other than when I am at work. I need to get my head back on straight. I thought everything was going to be ok, but its not. It has to be though. And I can't do this anymore. I can't feel like this anymore. It has got to stop. Yeah, you may say I am stupid for loving her. But I cannot help it. I don't know how else to describe what I feel inside for her. It has to be love. i mean shit dood, when you can't get someone out of your mind, then what the fuck does that mean? tell me, cos i want to fucking know!!!! I can not describe it any other way. Sometimes I wish things would go back to the way they used to be but I don't think it will. It never will. So I'm going to walk away now, and if you really want to be with me, if you really feel anything for me, then you will be the one to come walking back here to be with me. if you really love me. I don't think it will happen that way, but I guess you never know what will happen. I never wanted to hurt you. Im sorry, this is all my fault. I guess I never showed you enough attention. I never showed you enough that I loved you. But this is all my fault, it really is. I fucked up and I blame myself. You know, it is hard to walk away from someone you love but I guess I have to do it. Hopefully my heart will mend itself, and I will be ok. I have to be ok. I don't want it to come down to me doin what I did last time. I have to tell myself that she isn't worth dying over. But I don't think I would listen to myself because I don't feel that way. I feel like I do have to prove to her that I do love her. I feel like if I killed myself then she would know that I do love with her and that I did want to be with her and that I wouldn't have anything else left to prove. But that it wouldn't matter, and that I won and she didn't. and I would be the one to win because she lost a chance of a lifetime to be with someone who actually truly loved her and really wanted to be with her. I think if I did kill myself I would definitely be the one winning. I don't know. I feel so much rage, and anger inside of me right now and it isn't a good thing.

just a poem

i know i dun fucked up
im sorry
i shouldnt have walked away
im sorry
now u r da one walkin away
n i am here left wit only memories of us
memories of wat cud have been somethin so great
i regret every minute, every second of it
i regret walkin away dat is
im sorry i hurt u
an since i hurt u, dis is why i deserve to be hurt right bak
im sorry for hurtin you
i never meant to do dat
i look bak in realize how follish an stupid i was
julie im sorry babygurl
i do love you
i love you wit all of my beating heart
i wish there was some way i could take it all bak now
im so sorry julie
if only you wud give me one more chance
if only u knew wat i felt inside for u
wat i feel is real babygurl
i love you
u can walk away but jus remember
wen u look bak, ill b standin there starin bak at u
standin there, waitin, wishin, hopin
mayb one day 2 have u bak in my arms