Please join this cause everybody, it's an important cause to me. I came out when I was 14, told everyone I was a Lesbian that is. Well, at first I said I was Bisexual, but then I just finally admitted that I'm a lesbian. I was in middle school at the time & I got bullied after everyone knew or found out. I got bullied before I came out but when I came out the bullying got worse. And that made my life worse, or at that time I thought so. After that it was hard for me. I felt like everyone hated me after that. I felt like I had no one to turn to, no one to talk to about it, I felt all alone & unloved & felt like no one wanted me around & felt like everyone was ashamed of me because of it. I always suffered with Depression but that caused my Depression to get worse. And that caused me to have suicidal thoughts & attempts at suicide. Thankfully those were failed attempts. I admit it, after that I started cutting myself. I don't know but for some reason cutting myself seemed to help ease the pain & everything else, at least that's what I had in my head. I kept trying to tell myself that it would get better, I kept repeating that over & over in my head. At first I didn't believe that it would get better & thought I was just lying to myself & thought it wouldn't ever get better. BUT I kept trying to tell myself that it would get better and I was right, finally it did. I tried to think positively about it but at times it was hard to think positive, especially when there was so much negativity around. My way of dealing with it was getting on the internet & chatting with people online who could relate to me & understand me & understand what I was going through. My other ways of dealing with it were writing poetry or writing songs or writing in my journal, which unfortunately I don't think I have anymore, sadly. I think I may have some of the stuff I wrote back then but at the moment I have no idea where any of it is. I know coming out at 14 is a young age but I had decided & made up my mind that I was going to come out then because I didn't want to have regrets, or later say, "What If", and I didn't want to miss out on anything. I don't like missing out on anything & I don't like missing out on opportunities & at that time I was afraid I would miss out on an opportunity or miss out something. So I had it in my head that I was going to come out & I did. It was definitely rough & hard on me & hard for me to do but I did it. I'm sure many people would argue, disagree & say that at the age of 14 no kid knows whether they are Gay or not, BUT, I did.
Actually, thinking back about that time, I'd like to correct myself. Move back a bit I guess you could say. I completely skipped ahead, so I will tell you about what happened before I came out. One day while my mom, dad, sister & I were driving I saw a hot blond chick, or should I say, a blond chick that I was attracted to & who at that time I thought was hot & she was driving past us in a convertible as we we were headed home. As we were passing her on the road she caught my eye & I whispered under my breath, "Damn she's hot". Or so I thought I had whispered under my breath. I've always been a loud person but I really thought I was whispering low enough for only me to hear. Well, apparently I didn't whisper under my breath OR my sister has hearing like a dog, good hearing ya know because she heard me say that. My sister is 3 years younger then me so she was 11 at the time. And you know how 11 year old's can be, especially siblings. So of course my sister blurted out loud to my parents that I had just said a girl was hot. I can't remember why exactly my sister blurted that out all loud or what she thought about it. I can't even remember what my parents reaction to that was, that part is kind of a blur. But I do remember after that I was questioned about liking girls & at first I kept denying it over & over. I had enough with the questions, enough with the lying, enough with the denying & hiding & all that. So finally I told my parents. The look on my mother's face was one I had never seen before, so may emotions expressed on her face that day. One emotion expressed by the look on her face was the look of disappointment. And I sensed that, I could tell. I think she was disappointed because that meant to her, that I would never have kids & never get married & all her hopes & dreams for me was gone. Since I noted & sensed the disappointment in her face I decided to next change up what I had said by telling my mom that I was attracted to girls but I was mostly attracted to guys. I said that at that time so my mom could still have some hope left. But I got tired of lying about liking guys & being attracted to them when I wasn't. And I got tired of the comments & everything else. So I decided to have another talk with my parents, well, I can't remember if it was with my parents or just my mom that I had the talk with, but I know I didn't have a talk with just my dad so it was either with both of my parents or just my mom. So I finally came out with the truth & told my Mom that I wasn't attracted to guys so I wasn't Bisexual, I told her that I was only attracted to females, that I was a lesbian, not Bisexual. I don't remember what day or time I told them, I know it was when I was 14 & I don't know what their initial reaction was. But after I told them everything seemed to go downhill. Now let me say one thing, in my dad's defense, my dad didn't really seem upset about the news & really he didn't even seem that surprised, kind of like he already knew but was just waiting for me to finally tell him. My mom however was a different story, she's a Jehovah Witness & if yall know anything about Jehovah's Witnesses then you'll understand I'm sure. I admit it was hard on me & I went through a rough time for sure. And I couldn't talk to my family at the time because well, they were in shock, at least they acted like it. My dad like I said didn't seem as shocked & surprised but everyone else did. My dad didn't seem to take it as hard, however that's not to say that he probably wasn't feeling disappointed with me but I have to say, my dad did handle it better than my mother. And I thank my dad for that at least. However, even with his reaction I didn't feel like I could talk to him because well, maybe he was in shock or maybe it was because of my mom's reaction to the whole thing. I don't know but talking about it with my dad got better over the years. After my dad realized I wasn't going to change & it wasn't just a phase he seemed to accept it or just realize the fact that I wasn't going to change & after that I was able to talk to my dad about it & was able to joke around with him about it. My mom has gotten better over the years since then but somehow I kinda feel like deep down she is hoping that I will change & get married to a guy & have kids but that's just not going to happen.
For a long time my family didn't accept it, some of my family still don't accept it. BUT, I am who I am & I will always be this way & will never change. This is me, accept me for me. Take me as I am or move on with your life is the way I see it. I'm not going to change for anybody, this is my life, not anyone else's & I am going to live my life the way I want. I want to live my life & be happy, be positive & away from negativity. I want to be a positive part of people's lives & help others & that's what I've been doing. I try to help others out any way I can & I try to make a difference in other's lives. When I was growing up I had so much hate, rage, & negativity inside of me & that's how I lived & it came out in my poetry, you could tell. I was such a negative person then and looking back now, I'm not exactly sure I liked who I was then. But I like the person I am now & who I have become. When I turned 30, well a few months after I turned 30 everything changed for me & I had a different perspective & view on things. My Fiance' Jen had warned me before I turned 30 that things would probably change for me & that I would have a whole new perspective on life & that I would grow up & mature then. She told me that because she said when she turned 30 that everything changed for her, for the better of course. I of course didn't believe her & just laughed it off really because well, I am ADHD & I've always never been as mature as others my age. I guess you could say my development process was slower then others, or something like that. BUT, Jen was right because I turned 30 on 20 April 2011 & after that nothing changed but many months later everything did. I don't even remember what day it was or what month it was but I'm glad that things changed because they changed for the better & my life has gotten much better because of it. Ever since then I've had a whole new outlook on life, a whole new perspective on things, I view things & people differently. I've grown up a lot & matured a lot. I admit it, I was very immature but not as immature as others I have met or been around. I'm glad things changed because I'm a much happier person & much more positive then I used to be.
I'd like to just say & clarify that I don't think I'm perfect or anything, shoot, I'm far from perfect. I have my imperfections as we all do, but I like who I am today & I like who I've become & how I've turned out & what has become of my life. I've got a great job, a loving supportive family & I'm happy with my life. Now with that said, even as an adult people try to bully me & at times I still get harassed & made fun of & I hear comments people make to me or about me even though they think I don't hear them. However, the harassment & everything that I face as an adult is NOTHING compared to what I faced when I was growing up. I've mostly learned to ignore it or at times force myself to ignore it, however at other times depending on the situation it is hard for me to ignore it & not do or say something about it. At times depending on the situation or what is being said or done I tend to be bullheaded & impulsive & let it get the best of me & I lash out. Sometimes for me its very hard not to last out or say something in a situation. I try to mostly ignore the ignorant, narrow minded comments & stares & looks & what have you but I stand up for what I believe in so therefore at times I don't just ignore it all, I stand up & say something & speak up & speak out. Over the years I was told & learned that its better just to ignore the comments & everything else. BUT, at the same time, I was also taught to stand up & fight for what I believe in. And that's what I do, I do that in many different ways. I sign petitions, done to charities, am an activist for what I believe in & causes, charities & organizations that are important to me. I'm glad for so many reasons that the "It Gets Betters Project" was created. Its great that they started it for those youth now days who are struggling with bullying or being GLBT or both. This is important to me for many reasons, one because I know what it's like to feel like you have no one to talk to, no one to turn to, no one at all & growing up GLBT & being bullied & harassed. I know what its like to bullied, harassed & feel all alone because I did when I was growing up & I didn't have any organizations or anything like this to turn to, at least I didn't think so or didn't know of any at that time. In this day & time no GLBT youth has to face that or go through it alone, thanks to the "It Gets Better Project" & because of them no GLBT youth has to feel alone anymore or feel like they don't have anyone to talk to because now they do & I think its great that they do. I wish they were around when I was growing up because I know it would have made everything better than it was at the time. For anyone who doesn't know anything about the "It Gets Better Project" that I've been talking about, well I will give you more information about the project. On 22 February 2012, It Gets Better came on MTV & the LOGO Channel. It seemed like everyone was watching it, I say that because I was on Twitter that night while I was watching it on MTV & everyone seemed to be watching it because tons of people were tweeting about it, which was awesome & great because at least people were paying attention to it & watching it. Hopefully narrow minded people, bigots & etc were watching it that now & it made them think or changed their mind about things & made them have a different perspective, at least I hope it did. I had heard about It Gets Better before it aired on MTV on 22 Feb 2012. I can't remember exactly where I first heard about "It Gets Better" but I know it was online somewhere & I remember I first heard about it at the beginning of February 2012 sometime. I'm glad I learned about it & I'm glad I was able to watch the special on MTV & be apart of the Tweeters who tweeted about it that night. So yeah, you get the point. Moving on now, dang ADHD, LOL. So moving onto to more information about the "It Gets Better Project"
The It Gets Better Project was created to show young GLBT youth that if they can just get through their teen years that it can get better, that it does get better. Back then growing up as a GLBT youth I didn't know that then, of course I know that now. But many GLBT youth I'm sure don't think it will get better, but trust me when I say it will. It does get better, I learned that it does & with the It Gets Better Project they show GLBT youth that it does get better. The It Gets Better Project is a great resource for GLBT youth & I encourage all GLBT youth to check out their website & check out their Facebook page & follow them on Twitter & even do a Google search on them. You will find a great amount of resources that can help you out a lot. The It Gets Better project wants teenagers in the GLBT community to know that they are not alone & that it will get better, which is one reason for them creating the project. I will post a link at the bottom of this blog with the link to the It Gets Better Project website, along with other links that I think can be useful & helpful to GLBT youth & everyone in the GLBT community. Growing up isn't easy for anyone, I know that for one because it surely wasn't easy for me at all & its not for most. Many young people face daily tormenting & bullying, which leads them to feel like they have nowhere to turn. This is especially true for GLBT kids & teens who most times hide their sexuality for fear of being bullied, tormented, harassed & in some cases, kicked out of their house. I know because that's how I felt, but GLBT youth these days DO have somewhere to turn to & that's where the It Gets Better Project comes in. And that's why the It Gets Better Project was created, I think its great & I 100% support them & what they are about & what they stand for. I think its great & I'm glad it exists because hopefully they can help save the lives of GLBT youth & help better their lives & give them someone to turn to. Which is really what the It Gets Better Project is all about. I say that I hope the It Gets Better Project can help save the lives of GLBT youth because many have suicidal thoughts & in some cases end up turning to suicide as they think its their only option & so many GLBT lives have been lost because of suicide. I mention that because as I was reading the It Gets Better Project website I read on there that Justin Aaberg, Billy Lucas, Cody Barker, Asher Brown, Seth Walsh, Raymond Chase and Tyler Clementi were tragic examples of youth who could not believe that it does actually get better. With the It Gets Better Project GLBT youth lives can be saved & they can see that it actually DOES get better & that there are people out there that can help. Though many teens couldn't or don't see a positive future for themselves, the It Gets Better Project does.
The It Gets Better Project was created to show young GLBT youth that if they can just get through their teen years that it can get better, that it does get better. Back then growing up as a GLBT youth I didn't know that then, of course I know that now. But many GLBT youth I'm sure don't think it will get better, but trust me when I say it will. It does get better, I learned that it does & with the It Gets Better Project they show GLBT youth that it does get better. The It Gets Better Project is a great resource for GLBT youth & I encourage all GLBT youth to check out their website & check out their Facebook page & follow them on Twitter & even do a Google search on them. You will find a great amount of resources that can help you out a lot. The It Gets Better project wants teenagers in the GLBT community to know that they are not alone & that it will get better, which is one reason for them creating the project. I will post a link at the bottom of this blog with the link to the It Gets Better Project website, along with other links that I think can be useful & helpful to GLBT youth & everyone in the GLBT community. Growing up isn't easy for anyone, I know that for one because it surely wasn't easy for me at all & its not for most. Many young people face daily tormenting & bullying, which leads them to feel like they have nowhere to turn. This is especially true for GLBT kids & teens who most times hide their sexuality for fear of being bullied, tormented, harassed & in some cases, kicked out of their house. I know because that's how I felt, but GLBT youth these days DO have somewhere to turn to & that's where the It Gets Better Project comes in. And that's why the It Gets Better Project was created, I think its great & I 100% support them & what they are about & what they stand for. I think its great & I'm glad it exists because hopefully they can help save the lives of GLBT youth & help better their lives & give them someone to turn to. Which is really what the It Gets Better Project is all about. I say that I hope the It Gets Better Project can help save the lives of GLBT youth because many have suicidal thoughts & in some cases end up turning to suicide as they think its their only option & so many GLBT lives have been lost because of suicide. I mention that because as I was reading the It Gets Better Project website I read on there that Justin Aaberg, Billy Lucas, Cody Barker, Asher Brown, Seth Walsh, Raymond Chase and Tyler Clementi were tragic examples of youth who could not believe that it does actually get better. With the It Gets Better Project GLBT youth lives can be saved & they can see that it actually DOES get better & that there are people out there that can help. Though many teens couldn't or don't see a positive future for themselves, the It Gets Better Project does.
In Sept 2010, the columnist & author Dan Savage created a YouTube video with his partner Terry Miller to inspire hope for young people facing harassment. I think Dan Savage is absolutely brilliant & I first heard his name when I was growing up but I didn't know much about him. And I think its great that they created the video. They created the video in response to a number of students taking their own lives after being bullied in school, they wanted to create a personal way for supporters everywhere to tell GLBT youth that, yes, it does indeed get better. I think what they are doing is great & will help so many GLBT youth in the community. And it also hopefully will help everyone in the GLBT community. So many GLBT youth lives have been lost to suicide because of the torment & bullying that they faced & the It Gets Better Project wants to help & prevent other GLBT youth who are facing torment & bullying & help prevent them from turning to suicide. They want you to know that it does get better. More then a year later, the It Gets Better Project has turned into a worldwide movement, inspiring more than 30,000 user-created videos viewed more than 40 million times. I however have not yet created a video but I do plan to eventually create one at some point. According to their website, the project has received submissions from celebrities, organizations, activists, politicians and media personalities, including President Barack Obama, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, Rep. Nancy Pelosi, Adam Lambert, Anne Hathaway, Colin Ferrell, Matthew Morrison of "Glee", Joe Jonas, Joel Madden, Ke$ha, Sarah Silverman, Tim Gunn, Ellen Degeneres, Suze Orman, the staffs of The Gap, Google, Facebook, Pixar, the Broadway community, and many more. Those are some well known people who are involved in the It Gets Better Project, so you know it must be a great thing if they wanted to get involved & be a part of it. I didn't realize until now that they were a part of it, but I think its great & I'm glad I decided in the beginning of February to join, make a pledge & be a part of it. The It Gets Better Project's website is a place where young people who are lesbian, gay, bi, or trans can see how love & happiness can be a reality in their future. They help give you hope for the future & help you realize that it really does get better, as long as you can hang tight through your teen years. Their website is also a place where our straight allies can visit & support their friends & family members. Its also a place where people can share their stories, take the It Gets Better Project pledge & watch videos of love & support. On 22 March 2011, which was six months after the launch of the project, the It Gets Better Project book was released, which I have not yet read but plan on reading. The book, "It Gets Better: Coming Out, Overcoming Bullying, and Creating a Life Worth Living" is on sale wherever books are sold, you should get a copy, I know I will for sure. The book includes essays & new material from more than 100 contributors including celebrities, parents, educators, youth just out of high school & many more. For more details check out the It Gets Better Project website, the link for the website will be at the end of my blog.
Also check out the links below that I have provided for the NOH8 Campaign, which is another campaign that's important to me & that I'm a part of. I love the NOH8 Campaign, I think what they do & what they are all about is great. I definitely recommend you check them out & see what they are all about, trust me, you won't regret it. In April I'm going to the NOH8 Campaign photo shoot in Richmond at the Gay Community Center of Richmond. I can't wait to have my NOH8 Campaign photo taken. I'm psyched & excited, can't wait, its going to be great. Me & my Fiance' Jen are going to the photo shoot & I think our friend Daniel might go as well, we invited him but not sure what the final word is yet. I hope he's able to go & decides to go. It'll be a lot of fun for sure.
Here are some links for "It Gets Better":
It Gets Better Website - http://www.itgetsbetter.org/
Take the It Gets Better pledge here, I did - http://www.itgetsbetter.org/page/s/pledge
It Gets Better videos on their website - http://www.itgetsbetter.org/video/
It Gets Better YouTube channel - http://www.youtube.com/user/itgetsbetterproject/featured
It Gets Better on Wikipedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/It_Gets_Better_Project
It Gets Better on the White House website - http://www.whitehouse.gov/issues/it-gets-better
It Gets Better Facebook Page - http://www.facebook.com/itgetsbetterproject
It Gets Better on Twitter | Go follow - https://twitter.com/#!/itgetsbetter
It Gets Better on MTV - http://www.mtv.com/shows/it_gets_better/series.jhtml
Other GLBT Links | Thought I Would Share These With Yall
NOH8 Campaign Photo Shoot at the Gay Community Center of Richmond - http://www.facebook.com/events/251335971601583/
NOH8 Campaign Photo Shoot at the Gay Community Center of Richmond - http://www.facebook.com/events/251335971601583/
The Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network Facebook page - http://www.facebook.com/GLSEN
NOH8 Campaign website - http://www.noh8campaign.com/
NOH8 Campaign on Twitter - https://twitter.com/#!/noh8campaign
NOH8 Campaign on Facebook - http://www.facebook.com/noh8campaign
NOH8 Campaign on Wikipedia - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/NOH8_Campaign
NOH8 Campaign YouTube channel - http://www.youtube.com/user/NOH8Campaign/featured
NOH8 Campaign on Twibbon - http://twibbon.com/join/noh8-campaign-9
NOH8 Campaign on Google+ - https://plus.google.com/105267648328871846322/posts
NOH8 Campaign on Foursquare - https://foursquare.com/noh8campaign
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