Chapter 1 - My Book

Growing up I used to spend a lot of time on the internet. Back then everyone used Compuserve and Aol. And of course all we had was Dialup. We had a brand new Packerd Bell back then. I don't think they even make Packerd Bell anymore. And back then HP computers were known as Hewlett Packerd. I spent a lot of time chatting in chat rooms. I remember one chat room I liked to go in, it was a Haunted House Chat Room. I met this girl Ilana who lived in California, she was bisexual and had a boyfriend. We started chatting and she became my online girlfriend. She sent me pictures of her and we chatted a lot. She was older then me, she was 18 and I was 16. Mom and Dad found out about her and didn't like it. They were gonna take my internet privilages away. They said I was probably chatting to a man and I didn't know who I was chatting with. Which is true it could have been someone else but I was convinced otherwise. I was young and naive. I stopped talking to Ilana eventually because she said her boyfriend found out about us. After that I chatted with other girls online. I spent a lot of time on the computer. Hey at least I wasn't out getting in trouble or doing drugs.

The kids I hung out with in school were kids who lived in my neighborhood and they were younger then me. I didn't get along with kids in my grade. I think mostly because they were more mature then me and the younger kids were on the same maturity level as me. Or it could have been that the younger kids I hung out with accepted me being a lesbian and the kids in my grade didn't, they made fun of me and called me hurtful names. The kids in my grade weren't really my age either but they were still more mature then me. I got held back in second grade so I was always older then the kids in my grade. The group of kids I hung out with were in the grade below me and some were in my sister's grade and a couple were in grades lower than that. I always hung out with the younger kids. They accepted me and didn't care if I was gay or not. They liked who I was and my personality. Some of the kids who came in our group did drugs. I tried it once or twice but never got hooked or addicted to it. I had tried it because I didn't want them to think I was lame but after knowing they did drugs I decided not to hang out with them and they weren't really apart of our group because we didn't do drugs. My group of friends were skaters, goths and outcasts, writers, artists and poets but we all accepted each other.

My best friend was Karen but she was a grade above me and she graduated. Karen and I have been friends since elementary school. We first met on the school bus. Karen was the girl on the bus that never talked, she was very shy. One day i decided I was going to make her talk. So I kept talking to her and being goofy and trying to make her talk. Finally she started laughing at me cos I was being silly. After that we became friends. And I am glad that we are friends. She has been my best friend for over 13 years. Karen was like a sister to me, we did everything together. She used to go everywhere with my family. We would go shopping and go to the malls. We had so much fun as a kids. Things changed when we got older and Karen got married and moved away. Karen just recently in the past couple months got seperated and lives back here in Stuarts Draft with her parents. I went down there with my current partner and love of my life Jen. Jen and I went down there in her VW Bug and got Karen. Man we had the car packed. It was a tight squeeze. It is nice to have Karen back home. I am glad to have Karen home finally. We need to catch up on lost time that we missed. Karen lived in Georgia with her husband for so many yeara and I missed her. I am glad she's back because she seems happier now that she's home. She didn't seem happy living in Georgia. And I never really did like her husband at all.

So since Karen had graduated before me I hung out a lot with my other best friend Jennifer. Jennifer was gothic and she wore white makeup on her face and wore a dozen necklaces. People knew who she was in the neighborhood because she stood out. They would call her names like freak and it pissed me off. I didn't care what Jennifer looked like. I liked her personality and we got along great. We had a lot in common even though she was my sister's age. We were always hanging out and doing this or that together. Our parents talked and would always call each other to check on where we were at. We walked home from school together and we were always walking somewhere.

I miss those days of being a kid and having so much fun, oh the memories. If only I could go back to those days, I would be more appreciative of being a kid and spending time with my friends. I had a good childhood and I was truly blessed. I have great parents who gave me everything they could and sacrificed so much for my sister and I. My parents worked hard so my sister and I could have what we did. Every year before school my parents would take us out to get new clothes and school supplies. Dad would take us out to get brand new shoes. I always had Jordans or Nikes or Reeboks. I remember I had the shoes that pumped up, they were cool and in style back then. Oh and you can't forget the Starter Jackets. I had a Washington Redskins Starter Jacket and my sister Donica had an Atlanta Braves jacket. And do you remember Teddy Ruxpkin? I had one and I loved him. I think I still have him but he doesn't work like he used too. I wonder if they still sell him. They should bring him back cos kids these days would love to play with him. I had such a great childhood.

I used to give my toys away to kids in the neighborhood that didn't have much. I felt bad for them so I wanted them to have something too. I learned to be giving and grateful at a young age. I wasn't a selfish kid well maybe with my sister I was. I am glad and grateful I have a sister. It was nice growing up with my sister, we were inseperable. I love my sister, she has grown to be a fine young woman. She got married to a guy named Mike and they had a daughter named Kaylee. I love my Niece, she is so adorable and she acts just like me. Haha and I love it that she is like me. Donica doesn't like it so much because Kaylee can be a handful sometimes. My mom has a picture of me and I was sitting on the floor and I had pulled all the pots and pans out of the cabinet. Kaylee is famous for pulling all the canned goods out of the cabinet. Lol so like me.

In high school I didn't ever have a relationship with a girl because well there were no other lesbians in my school or around me. No relationship for me unless you count Ilana which was an online relationship. I talked to several girls online but none of them were as serious as Ilana that's why I don't remember them very well. I definitely don't remember names and can't really remember faces either even though I had pictures of them. I don't have those pictures anymore they were on floppy disks which I have no idea where those are. Probably some ex took them which pisses me off.
I hate when people steal my memories. They are mine not yours why the hell do you want them, they are nothing to you but everything to me. Through all my exes and our breakups I have lost so much stuff. Several have kept my stuff and wouldn't give it back others I just left the stuff because I didn't want to go back. I had some bad breakups.

I got my first job at the hospital while I was a junior in high school. I got it through some program for kids who had disabilities. So my first job was in housekeeping at the hospital. At first I liked it and I was happy to have a job. And it was nice to have my own money. Eventually I grew tired of the job. I didn't like cleaning up after others. Plus there's so many germs in a hospital and I wasn't trying to catch anything.

I had a good childhood growing up. My sister and I always got what we want even though my parents didn't celebrate holidays like Christmas we always got stuff all throughout the year. My parents weren't always Jehovah's Witnesses. When they first met they weren't but they met Betty and Charlie Fuquay which turned them towards being a Jehovah Witness and they were after that. Dad however is not currently a practicing Jehovah Witness. Then again Dad doesn't really go anywhere or leave the house at all. But Mom is still a Jehovah Witness. Dad is from Townsend, Tennessee and the reason he ended up in Waynesboro, Virginia is because he followed my Aunt Lorinda. Aunt Lorinda somehow came up this way, probably for nursing school and that is where she met my Uncle Phillip and settled down in Waynesboro. Dad probably came up here because of that. Dad and Mom met at the Hardees in Waynesboro. They said that was where their first date was. After that it was all said and done and they got married and Mom was told she couldn't have kids. But then she had me and it was a miracle and then she had Donica and she was even more surprised and happy. I am glad that she had Donica because I don't know what my life would have been like if I hadn't had a sister. I love my sister dearly. We have had our ups and downs but I love her.

In school my sister and I weren't allowed to participate in holiday activities that were going on because my parents being Jehovah's Witnesses so we had to sit out during those times. It didn't seem fair and at that time I didn't understand it I just knew I was being wronged. Now I guess I don't really understand it but it was a big deal to mom for us to not participate. I remember in fifth grade I wasn't allowed to participate in sex education class because mom was a Jehovah Witness and didn't allow me to participate in it. I didn't care at the time I don't guess  but I thought I was missing out on something. All the girls in class had been given tampons and pads and the boys had been given condoms. Now that I think about it I am kinda glad I didn't participate. I hadn't started my period at that time and I was in elementary school I believe that is a little too young to be handing out condoms and pads. I didn't start my period until I was in high school. And why would you hand out condoms to elementary school kids I mean really what the fuck is wrong with people. That's just like saying here you go here are condoms go practice safe sex. Elementary school kids shouldn't even be thinking about sex. The school system was apparently really screwed up. I never thought about it until now but they were promoting that shit back then I mean it is common for kids to have children at a young age now but not back then.

Mom used to buy me teen magazines like Bop and Big Bopper which later changed their name to BB. I used to hang the posters from the magazines on my wall. My walls were always covered with posters. I guess I wasn't always a lesbian. I had an infatuation with Macaulay Culkin and Leonardo DiCaprio.

We always went on great vacations when I was growing up. We were in Tennessee most summer's. Grandma Bean lived down there in Townsend. That's where my dad grew up. Grandpa Bean died one month after I was born so I don't really remember him obviously. Sonics never got to meet him but I did. Mom said he held me after I was born. Unfortunately I don't remember it though. I loved going down to Tennessee. That has always been my favorite place to go. I love Townsend, Tennessee. Jen and I go there a lot. Dad Hasn't been since we were kids. Townsend is a small town with not many people in the town. It's a small town with an IGA and a few other businesses. I love the fact that it's a small town. And you got Pigeon Forge and Maryville and Gatlinburg close by. We used to always go visit Dad's friends when we were in town. I had a best friend Jason that lived next door to us. His dad Tommy and my dad were best friends. Jason and I were always together and hanging out by the river. Tommy ran a campground down there and Jason and I were always running around the campground. We had such fun together. Sonics was with us also cos I could never leave my sister out.

One time I was on my little tricycle and Grandma's property was on the side of the mountain and I was riding downhill and lost control and couldn't stop and down the hill I went with Mom chasing after me because I was heading right towards the road.

Grandma Bean had the greatest garden. She loved to garden and she had the best icebox tomatoes. I remember I used to always eat those tomatoes and they were so good.

We went to Dollywood a lot as a kid. I loved Dollywood it was one of my favorite places to go. One time I saw Frieda Patton on stage singing. Frieda is Dolly's sister. I can't remember what she was singing but I have pictures of her on stage singing.

One year Dad took us all to Nashville. We stayed at the Opryland Hotel which is next to the Grand Ole Opry. One day when we were coming out of the hotel I saw Garth Brooks coming out of the Grand Ole Opry. Man I was all excited cos I loved Garth Brooks. The hotel was amazing. It was like a city in itself. It had restaurants and a bunch of shops. It was kinda like a mall but only a hotel. It had a Jack Daniels Restaurant. We ate at a restaurant that had a bar in the middle and the tables were around the bar. When you sit down you are spinning and by the time you get done eating you have spun all around the bar. It was incredible. The place was like no where else I had ever been. I look forward to going back there and staying one day. When we were in Nashville we went to the Opryland Theme Park. That was so awesome. I got to meet Bill Anderson and he gave me his autograph. I have a photo of him that he signed. There were so many famous musicians there but I don't know who they were.

Growing up I was always a Tomboy. I was like the son my dad never had. We played basketball together and Dad would take us all hiking and we would go camping on the Coal Road. We did a lot of outdoor activities. I had so much fun growing up.

Growing up as a Jehovah's Witness I spent a lot of time around other Jehovah's Witnesses kids. We had picnics that we went to and they held a lot of events and we went and ate dinner with some of the families. I was also.made to go door to door with them on Saturdays. And I was always dressed up in a little pink, white or blue dress with tights. I hate wearing dresses to this day. The last time I wore a dress was when I graduated from high school.

When I graduated from high school Will rode with us to graduation. I believe Karen was there and of course my family was there. I was happy to be graduating. And mom and dad was proud of me for graduating. Finally I had done it and I didn't think I would. I kinda wish I was a kid again because things were easier before I became an adult.

When I was younger one time I was spinning around in my room over and over and got dizzy and busted my knee open on my loft bed. I remember I was scared to tell mom because I was afraid I would get in trouble. My knee was gushing with blood. I got a towel and put it on my knee and it became covered in blood. And I had to get another towel but baby that point I went and told mom. My knee has hurt ever since that day both of my knees. I can't remember which knee it was though.