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A Semi Cold Busy Day

Today was a semi cold day and it was busy at work but not as busy as yesterday. There was a wreck on the interstate and rhey were re-routing everyone to Route 11 and a lot of people were stopping for gas and to go to the bathroom so I got busy for awhile. I didn't do as good as I did yesterday on MS but I didn't do bad either. I didn't as much done as I would have liked to but I did what I could. It took me like 15 minutes to sweep the floor in between customers. So it was a busy day and it seemed like the day flew by. I had looked up at the clock and it was almost 2 and I thought it was earlier then that.

I got home and settled in but realized the dogs didn't have any bones so I went to Dollar General and got them and got Bella a squeaky toy, a duck that quacks. Then I came home and ended up going back out cos I needed or should I say wanted cigarettes.

So I will probably be starting my diet Tuesday. I am going on the diet April is on, the Body By Vi. I don't ever finish anything or stay comitted so I am hoping I can stay comitted to this cos I wanna lose weight, look better and feel better. We shall see how it goes.

Update its been awhile

It has been quite awhile since I have written. I have been busy this holiday season. With Christmas Shopping and working and working on my family tree I have been too busy to sit down and write. Today is a nice day the weather is warm so I am sitting outside while the dogs play in the yard.

I was scrolling through my news feed on Facebook and boy that Phil Robertson from Duck Dynasty interview is being talked about alot.

So I got almost all my Christmas shopping done I still haven't bought anything for Karen my best friend but I am going to have to wait until I get paid on the 27th to buy her Birthday and Christmas present unfortunately. I don't have as much money this year as I did last year. My rent wasn't as high last year as it is this year. Hopefully she will understand though.

Jen is at work and I miss her when she is at work. I have to start laundry because I am determined to get caught up on it but that seems like it will never happen. I wear alot of clothes though. So it my fault that the laundry is piled up probably. Gotta sweep and mop the house and get presents ready for the Christmas Party tomorrow at work. And tomorrow I gotta go get the food for the party if April will let me go to Food Lion. I want the food to be fresh. I gotta take Mom and Dad's presents to them sometime too. Well, off to do laundry oh what fun.

My Dad's birth family

I have been doing a lot of family research. I use the Ancestry com website and I have the app on my Kindle Fire. Last year I found my Dad's birth family. We didn't know but we discovered he gad an older brother named Georg Jr, not aure what happebed to him though. We also discovered he has a sister Erika and a half brother Hank. This past February we got to meet our family. We met my Aunt Erika and her husband my Uncle Paul. And we met my Uncle Hank and his wife my Aunt Marcy. They are from Canada. Apparently my Grandpa Kirchner came from Germany to Canada where he became a Tobacco Farmer. I have 6 cousins I found out that live in Canada. It has been an amazing year. It has been incredible getting to know my Cousin's. I am glad I found them, I am glad I posted that ad on the adoption website becauase that's how they found us. I have discivered that I have such an amazing family and there are so many similarities between us and them. We are very much alike in so many ways and that makes me happy. After all these years of wondering about my dad's birth parenta and family I finally found them. And I love my family a lot even though I haven't met my Cousins yet in person we still talk on Facebook but I hope to meet them in person one day.

Cold Day

It was a cold day and sinxe the sun went down its even colsmder outside now. Just came in from letting the dogs out and brrr. Jen is at work right now shes been there since 7am. She's coming home at 8 thankfully ao I get to spend time with her. I have missed her. I love having her around, even if she is sleeping. Ita nice just to know that ahe is here with me.

Mom and I went to Staunton today and she applied for two jobs. Then we stopped and she got me gas. Then we went to Subway in Stuarts Draft. Mom got a free aub because she had points on her Subway Card. I got me a Grilled Chicken Sub on the flatbread, it was good.

Now I am home and about to do laundry. I gotta clean the house tomorrow. Always one day dedicated to cleaning the house and I gotta get stuff together to donate it to the Purple Heart Foundation.

Snow then Sun

Somehow my phone got put in Airplane Mode. Wtf. I figured out how to turn it off finally.

So it snowed this morning then it stopped and the sun came out. I am at Mom and Dad's now. Waiting for Mom to get ready.

Update

So we are raising money for MS at work. Not many donations are coming in probably because of tge holidays. People are tight with their money. Work went by fast today. I stayed busy. I got a lot done today at least.

Someone just called my phone for Jennifer. He asked if she was around and I told him ahe was at work. I probably should have just told him that she wasn't around. He asked where she worked and I said Exxon. I probably shouldn't have told him that. I don't know what he wanted. I wish they would stop calling my phone. I am going to block the number. Stupid people.

So I have been researching my family history on Ancestry com and I am finding out a lot about my family. A lot of my family had lits of kids, I am talking 5 or 6 kids. I guess back then it was normal to have lots of kids. I had a Blacksmith in the family. And also one of my relatives was a Lab Tech. Another one was born in Ireland so I have Irish in the family. Pretty neat what you can find out on there. I have the Ancestry App on my tablet. I decided to get a paid membership on there so I can work better with my family tree. I have the world membership so I can see out of the country records.

I am off Tuesday and Wednesday but they are calling for bad weather tomorrow so I may not leave the house. I have cigarettes and water so I am prepared. I should have bought food but oh well.

Still sick

Still sick. Haven't been writing much. Been working on my family tree mostly. Staying inside where its warm and working. Time for bed now, work in the morning. The weather is bad outside, its sleeting. I dread driving to work tomorrow. Well, night

Still Sick

I am so ready for this cold or whatever I have to go away and not come back. I am tired of being sick. I am going to make an appointment at the VA Clinic. I am done wirh being sick already. My nose is stopped up but when I blow it it seems neverending. Its so annoying. Last night I was feeling like crap so I layed on the couch all evening and watched tv as I drifted off to sleep. Last night was Cousin Steve's Family Night but I felt horrible and didn't want to get anyone else sick so I stayed home. I am still feeling like crap. Hopefully the VA will give me some antibiotics to knock this out of me. Jen is still sick too and she's resting on the couch right now. I swept and mopped the house and I gotta take the trash out cos trash runs tomorrow. Jen and I went to Walmart after work and I got my Pumpkin Pie poptarts. I bought 3 boxes of them. Man they are good. But they are seasonal I believe so they won't have them much longer unfortunately. I hope they do but I doubt it. After Walmart Jen and I came home . I gotta start laundry and fold laundry. Always something to do but at least I stay busy. Work in the morning not off until Tuesday and Wednesday. I stayed busy at work today. I sprayed the parking lot and April put our tree and stockings up. Christmas ain't going to be much this year but I am getting everyone at least one thing. And I still need to go shopping for Jen. I am low on funds this year unlike last year. I might have to use the money I have saved for Christmas presents. Oh well, next year will be different.

Sick

Still sick. I probably have the flu, pneumonia or bronchitis. Jen is sick too. My nose is stuffed up but when I blow it its endless. Very annoying and makes me feel like crap. I am resting this evening. I just don't feel good and I have no energy.

Went with Mom, Donica and Kaylee last night to Uncle Harold's family night. Sad times but we celebrate his life. He was a Marine. I just found that out last night. Cousin Steve's family night is tonight but I am not going cos I just don't ferl up to it. I spent most of this morning on the toilet. Thought I would be late for work but I wasn't thankfully.
Today was a warner day and I painted curbs at work. I didn't feel good all day but I can't miss work. Its starting to get chilly outside now. But its not as bad as it could be. Jen is sleeping cos she has to work. I wanted her to be here with me last night but she had to work. :(

I am going to take some Coricedin and hope it knocks this out of me. I have been taking Coricedin and Nyquil but I am still sick. I may try some tea I don't know.

Busy Day For Sure

Woke up at 7 this morning and then went to my appointment to get my blood drawn. Not sure the lady knew what she was doing. She seemed to have a hard time finding my veon. Then when she was on the third tube of blood my blood stopped flowing amd she couldn't get any more blood in the tube. So then I had to pee in a cup and I didn't have to pee so they didn't get much of a sample. After that I stopped at work to get my coffee and hung around talking and then headed home. When I got home Jen woke up and wanted to go to Hardees to get breakfast. So we went and got breakfast and then came home.

I started laundry and was able to do 1 load and put it in the dryer and start another load. I mopped the kitchen floor and cleaned the house a little bit. Then I sat down and worked on the bills in my bill book. Then I noticed it was 11 and I was like oh shit. So I hurried up and took a shower and got dressed real quick. After that I let the dogs out and then headed to my appointment. After my appointment I came on over to Mom and Dad's house.

I am at Mom and Dad's house now and I am waiting on mom to get ready so we can leave. I still need to go pay bills and of course go to both my banks. Man this month flew by it seemed like, well November did. It feels like it was just November 1st. Weird. Hopefully December doesn't fly by. I have to go pay my layaway since its due today. And on the next check I have to pick up the layaway and pay the rest that's owed because I won't have time on the next check because that's two days after Christmas and what I have on layaway is Christmas Presents. So that is going to be a good percentage of my next check. I gotta go pay rent today and pay the electric bill.

Military Order Of The Purple Heart Foundation

I have donated in the past to the Purple Heart Foundation. Last time I donated I had about 6 or 7 trash bags of stuff and one box. I like to get rid of stuff I don't use, it helps keep things from getting cluttered. I am donating clothes and anything else I can find to donate. Below is a list of items they are in need of.

The Purple Heart Foundation is currently in need of:

• Small Appliances
• Bedding and Draperies
• Books & Toys
• Clothing
• Electronics
• Shoes & Accessories
• Household Items
• Kitchenware
• Sporting Goods
• Tools

Here is the website to schedule a pickup in your area. http://www.purpleheartpickup.org/

Busy Busy

Staying busy as usual and keeping myself occupied by working on my family tree. And not to forget cleaning the house. Work was busy today, busy for a Sunday anyhow. I did what I could but didn't get everything done.

So unfortunately it seems that deaths in our family happen in two's. Mom called me today at work and my first thought was that someone died. Sure enough someone else had died. Mom said Cousin Steve died. She talked to him on the phone yesterday when she was at Grandpa's house. He had said that he was weak and didn't know why. He had been calling to get Aunt Josephine's number to find out the arrangements about Uncle Harold's funeral. So two deaths within days of each other. It happened like that last year. Grandma Collins died in April and not long after that Aunt Mary died. Its a sad time right now for my family having to deal with two deaths in the family and so clise together. I am praying for my family that they make it through this rough time.

So we started raising money for MS today and I did horrible. But hopefully I will be do better on Wednesday when I go back to work.

Jen is at work and I haven't heard from her at all today. I didn't want to wake her thia morning since ahe was up at 3am this morning. I didn't sleep good last night. I think Jen getting up woke me up abd I thought it was time to go to work. And then I couldn't really go back to sleep I kept tossing and turning. I kept waiting for the alarm to go off. So sleep was horrible last night and I hope to sleep better tonight. Jen is sick and I am sick so we both feel muserable. She has been resting but I haven't really been. I think I had a bad dream and that is what I woke me up but I can't remember what the dream was about but I know I woke up thinking it was time to go to work until I looked at my phone and saw that it was 3am. And at that time I saw that the living room light was on and Jen wasn't in bed. She must have not been able to sleep. She was sleeping on the couch yesterday evening and must have had a bad dream coa she was shaking. I went over to her and she told me my hand stunk, it smelled like cigarettes. I hope Jen is okay it makes me worry when I haven't heard from her all day. I would call her but I don't want to interupt her at work.

Update

So I haven't been writing as much. I have been preoccupied with Ancestry com. I have been working on my family tree. I have found out so much interesting stuff about my family. Especially about my Uncle Boggs who is my Grandpa Collins brother. Uncle Boggs was a hero a war hero. He was in the Army and was given the Distinguished Croas I believe its called. They even wrote about him in a book. Grandpa Collins was in the Army too he was a cook like me. Mom's side has Army and Dad's side has Army.

So I have been sick for a coupke days. I am so done with being sick already. I have been constantly blowing my nose. That's all I have been doing at work and at home is blowing my nose. Ita irritating. I have taken medicine ao hopefully goes it away soon.

This morning a drunk guy came in and I ended up talking him into buying a jar of Oysters lol. It was a busy day today. I didn't get much of the cleaning list done but I was busy today. And we start raising money for MS tomorrow so I had to get ready dor that. Last year I raised over two hundred dollars for MS and won a three hundred dollar Best Buy Gift Card. Wonder how well I will do this year, we shall see.

So last night Uncle Harold, my Grandpa Collins brother died. Its a sad time. His mind was going, at least now he won't have to suffer. He is in heaven with Grandma Collins.

Jen is off today and laying on the couch. She don't feel well either and I think I may have gotten her sick. She was coughing. I feel bad if I did get her sick. Ita not fun being sick. All day at work I felt miserable. My voice ia different cos my throat hurts and I can't stop coughing and sneezing.

I am going to work on sending the email to Thurmon King who runs the Sackett Family Website. He needs the information on my ancestors. The website has my Great Grandpa George Sackett on there so I am going to start with him and go down to me. It shouldn't be too much to type if only I can concentrate while doing it. Cinder likes to interupt me cos she wants attention. I can't wait to get the information on the website. That way I will feel more like I am part of the Sackett Family.

Sackett Family

There is a website completely dedicated to the Sackett Family. It has Sackett's from all over the place on the site. I have been working on the Sackett part of my family tree. I have come to kind of a dead end but I am hoping that the Sackett site will help me with that. I stopped at Israel Sackett who is my Great Great Grandfather. If that is my Great Grandfather's father. I need to do more research on it. I sent an email to the Administrator of the site because my Grandma wasn't on there and so now I have to send him the info with descendents so he can add them on there. I need to do more research before I do that just to make sure.

Thanksgiving Dinner

I miss the traditional Thanksgiving where we'd go over Grandma Collins house and eat Thanksgiving Dinner around the table with all the family gathered there. And eating all Grandma's delicious foods that she cooked. And after dinner sitting around talking and catching up on things and talking about memories of the past. Mostly I miss the traditional Thanksgiving Dinner where we'd go to Grandma and Grandpa's house and spend time with family. I miss my family and I really miss my Grandma. Thanksgiving isn't the same without her. I think next year I am going to cook Thanksgiving Dinner myself. This year I went with Jen and her family to Golden Corral to eat Thanksgiving Dinner. We waited in line for 40 minutes until finally we got a place and could eat. There was 14 of us so they had to give us two tables. Ladt year Jen and I had Thanksgiving Dinner at our house when we lived up on the mountain and we had her family there and we ate and watched football, the way its supposed to be on Thanksgiving. Football, family and food. Next year I am cooking Thanksgiving Dinner and hopefully Mom and Dad will come over and Jen's family and Grandpa and Bear and Scoop and Eric. If not I will eat and watch football by myself. I am sure Bear and Scoop and Eric will come. Every Thanksgiving before I got with Jen I always them three over for dinner. The tradition got broken I am going to have to make it a tradition again. I had a good Thanksgiving this year. I only worked 5 hours today and then went to eat at Golden Corral with Jen and her family. But, eating Thanksgiving Dinner at a restaurant isn't the same as a traditional Thanksgiving Dinner where you eat at home with family and watch football and everything that comes with that. I am definitely cooking next year.

Thanksgiving

Jen came and picked me up and we went to Golden Corral. The parking lot was full, there wasn't one empty parking spot. So Jen and I went and parked at Lowe's. We were an hour early so we decided to go to Starbucks and then we went back and parked at Lowe's and sat in the car until 3. Then we headed up to Golden Corral and met the family. There was 14 of us and we waited in line for about 15 minutes or longer. Finally we got in there and sat down. We all had to sit at two different tables. The kids were hyper and wouldn't listen to Brittany. She was getting frustrated poor Brit. Jen and Brittany together are crazy. It's like being around escaped mental patients but it's fun being around them because they are hilarious. Half the time I don't understand what they are saying, it's like they are speaking their own language lol. Brittany said I look like a mental patient lol because I had my Tennessee Vols Beanie on and my Real Tree Eskimo hat on. Lol. I pride myself in NOT looking normal. I don't care what people think. When I am cold I will do whatever to stay warm. I wear a lot of hats and clothes in the Winter. Lol I am a nerd but oh well. So I missed the Macy Day Parade unfortunately but oh well. Maybe next year I can watch it. I always miss it every year. Jen and I are at home and I am watching the news and Jen is laying on the couch trying to rest cos she worked third shift last night and hadn't slept today. They're talking about Black Friday on the news, let the craziness begin. Hope everyone had and has a great Thanksgiving. Enjoy your evening. Have a great holiday weekend and be safe.

Thanksgiving Day

Went to work and did paperwork and then helped Peggy clean. Then I decided to check out of dates. I didn't finish because it was time for me to go home. Came home and Jen wasn't home so I took Bella and Cinder outside. I missed the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade. Then I gave the dog's water and mopped and swept the kitchen. Now I am sitting outside with the dogs. Next I am going to start laundry because I am so behind on it. Not sure what else the day will be like. I got off at 12 and Jen still hasn't come home but she is at her Grandparents so I understand that she should be with them cos its important to spend time with your family on Thanksgiving. Mom and Dad don't celebrate Thanksgiving. I figured Jen would be home when I got here so we could apend Thanksgiving together. Oh well its all good. I am spending Thanksgiving with my dogs Bella and Cinder. Hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving. Be thankful for everything and everyone you got. Enjoy your day.

Sick

I am sick. Took Niquil last night and went to bed then woke up this morning and my throat was sore and still is. Went and got orange juice and drank one this morning. Took some Mucinex DM. My throat is sore, my nose is running and I keep coughing and my chest hurts. Ahh I hope feel better soon. I feel like crap.

Family Search Making Me Angry

I am searching for anything I can on my Grandma Kirchner and Uncle Georg Kirchner and I am not finding much. It is frustrating me and I am getting very angry and want to punch someone in the face. My family has secrets things I don't know but I seek to find out. If only I knew where my Grandma went after she left my Grandpa. She had to of taken Uncle Georg with her because as far as I know he didn't stay with Grandpa Kirchner. Grandpa Kirchner was a violent angry man from what I have heard. So what the fuck happened to them? There has to be something, anything about them. If I had more information about them I could probably find out more about them but I got nothing. I just feel like with the way my Grandpa was and how he acted that is why there are so many secrets and no one wants to give up information. Maybe he was a bad man, maybe he killed Grandma Kirchner and Uncle Georg or maybe they escaped from him and if they did where did they go? Back to Austria where my Grandma's from? Or did they escape to the United States? Ahhhhhh I am so frustrated, I want to know the truth. I am seriously angry right now. Frustrated and angry. Its like there is no trace of them. Or have I seen information about them and overlooked it because I didn't know it was info about them? Grrrrr. I need to take a freakin anxiety pill. I will not stop until I find out the truth. Its important to me. I found my dad's siblings, I have gotten this far so I am not stopping now.

Family Research

I am working on my family tree. I am working on the Kirchner side of the family right now. I am doing searches to find out information. I could ask but it would be probably be pointless because it seems like no one wants to give me any information or cares about our family history. So since no one wants to give me any information I will just find it on my own. Even if I have to pay for that information because that is an option. I was thinking about doing that to find out info for my Grandma Kirchner because I am at a dead end with her. I have very little info on her or what happened to her or if she's alive or died. And I have hardly any information at all on my Uncle Georg Jr. I might have to pay to get information on what happened to him and if he's still alive. Maybe I will post an ad on the adoption website for my Uncle Georg. That's how I found my family maybe that will help me find Uncle Georg and Grandma Kirchner. I shall spend the rest of my life trying to find them or information on them. I shall die finding out the truth of what happened. I will not stop trying to find out the truth. I love researching my family history. Now back at it.

Another Cold Day

The cold kills my motivation unfortunately. So I wasn't as motivated today. But I did manage to get some stuff done and things need to be done here at the house.

Its supposed to snow tomorrow so they say. The trucks were already out putting salt down today. I am not looking forward to ice and snow.

Jen is off work today but at her grandparents I guess.

I was reading over my old journal entries. I had forgotten I dated Meghan from Wellington, Ontario, Canada. Funny cos at that time I didn't know I had family from Ontario or Canada at all.

Its not to bad outside right now except for when the wind blows. My hands are still cold though. I am outside with Bella and Cinder.

Guess I got to do laundry cos it won't wash itself and I have been putting it off.

So yesterday my goal was to drink 3 waters well, I only managed to drink 2. I drank a bottle of water this morning and I am going to drink one in a few and hopefully I can get to drink 3 today. They say to drink half your body weight so for me that would be 5 bottles of water I don't know if I can do that. But I am sure going to try to work up to that.

I have been going over my old journal entries and making notes and marking thinga out. I am going to add what I wrote to my book. Some things I am not going to add however. It sure does need a lot of editing.

I have the cold weather blues

I hate this freakin weather and I hate having seasonal depression. I wish it didn't get cold. I don't really like snow and ice.

So its 4pm and my goal is to drink 2 bottles of water or 3 before I go to bed tonight. Each day I will drink 1 more bottle then the day before. Speaking of I am thirsty. I quit drinking soda, its been 2 months without soda for me. I still drink coffee, I don't think I can give that up.

Today went by slow at work but after 1 it seemed to go faster thankfully then 3pm came and I headed home. Now I am home with my babies and Jen is at work.

Jen is off tomorrow and I have to work. But I am off Tuesday and Wednesday but Jen has to work those days unfortunately.

An Incident With Pine Sol

So today I was in the back and getting ready to fill up the mop bucket. I grabbed a bottle of Pine Sol that had a little bit in it then I grabbed the other bottle of Pine Sol by the cap which wasn't on all the way. The bottle of Pine Sol fell over and spilled all over the office floor and all over my right pants leg. My leg was soaked and I smelled of Pine Sol. It was a soapy mess to clean up. Needless to say I didn't need to pour any in the bucket because there was plenty on the floor that the mop soaked up and went into the mop bucket. My leg dried pretty quickly thankfully but before it did it looked like I peed on myself and it ran down my leg. Lol. What a disaster, guess I won't be grabbing it by the cap next time.

Cooler Day

Today was a much cooler day then yesterday. Man its chilly outside even though the sun is out. And the wind is blowing which makes it worse.

I guess hunting season has began. I hear gunshots off in the distance, mind you I live in the country not the city or ghetto.

Today was another busy day but it had slow times. But mostly I stayed busy. I got a lot done and finished paperwork in a rather timely manner. I could have done it quicker if I would have someone there running register though.

After work I went and saw Jen. Jen's store has Krispy Kreme which is one of my favorite. Jen bought me a glazed Pumpkin Pie, a icing filled chocolate doughnut and a bag of Sun Chips Garden Salsa flavored.

Now I am at home with my babies and we are outside and its freezing out here. The wind has a rather cold bite to it. I think I will try to stay busy this evening to keep warm.

So Jen finally slept last night. She said she went to bed at 12am which is unusual for her. She had been up with Restless Leg Syndrome for days and she found some pills for it that seem to be working thankfully.

I wrote 3 more chapters in my book. I am sure I will eventually add to them but I am doing pretty good ao far. I am just going through memories and adding what I can remember and add things I remember later. I still need to write in my journal entries from the past years in the appropriate chapters. And there is a lot of journal entries, things I had forgotten that I now remember. Some of things I guess I blocked out of my memory or so it seems. I was reading over them the other day, ita kind of interesting seeing what I thought back then and the emotions I had then. I had a lot of anger inside me and I seemed to cuss a lot which I still do but not as much as I did back then. One sentence had a cuss word every other word.

Warmer Day

It was a warmer day today thankfully. I stayed busy like I always do. The day went by pretty quickly. Well the morning seemed to go by pretty slowly but the rest of the day flew by.

I ate a hot dog for lunch and snacked on chips. I didn't drink any water today at work. I did drink a water this morning before work.

At home now with my doggies. Haven't done any housework been outside with the pups. They are enjoying this nice weather like I am. Its starting to get a little chilly outside though.

Jen is at work unfortunately. Can't wait till she gets home. My phone is about to die so I will have to go in and charge it. Grrr.

Chapter 14 - My Book

I began school at Woodrow Wilson Rehabilitation Center in August 2007. I started out as a day student and ended up moving back in with Mom and Dad and out of Walter's apartment.

Sara and I had a good relationship even though sometimes it was up and down. She had Bipolar also so sometimes our moods clashed. Sara was with me through the whole school thing.

While attending WWRC I ended up meeting Kourtnee who lived on campus. I cheated on Sara and started dating Kourtnee for awhile but realized I had made a mistake and went back to Sara. Things weren't exactly the same after that. I ended up moving on campus to live. I lived in a dorm room with a roommate, Theresa. Theresa was cool but sometimes she got on my nerves. One time she drew on a huge posterboard a picture of Spider-Man. I still have it. Theresa was a pretty cool roommate but she ended up graduating and leaving WWRC. I ended up becoming roommates with my friend Amanda. Amanda was a cool chick and we ended up moving out of the dorms and down into one of the cottages. It was nice living in the cottages. Well it was nice for awhile living with Amanda. She ended up becoming prrgnant and I ended up finding a stray cat which Amanda named Midnite. She freaked out about me keeping Midnite because she was pregnant. She said by having Midnite in the cottage with us that could cause her to lose her baby. She was paranoid and that was her first child. I was like whatever but we argued about it and we ended up not being friends because I wouldn't get rid of Midnite. She wanted me to choose the cat over her which I just wasn't going to do. She ended up graduating thankfully and left and I didn't get a roommate after that thankfully.

Chapter 12 - My Book

While living with Walter and working at the Kangaroo I had a drinking problem. Walter worked for Budweiser, John D Eiland. We always beer in the fridge and liquor in the freezer. I drank Jim Beam and Budweiser and Walter drank Bud Light and Crown Royal.

I also had a problem with snorting Hydrocodone. And a problem with cutting myself. I went through many girlfriends while living with Walter but I only mention a few becauae the rest aren't really worth mentioning and I probably couldn't remember all their names anyway.

Two people lived with Walter and I throughout the time I stayed with Walter. One being Laura who was friend's with Amy and the other being Layla. I had met Layla while working at the Kangaroo. She was one of my customer's and one day I yelled over the loudspeaker that she was beautiful or hot or something to that effect and she came inside and we talked and became friends. Her and I used to drink and cut together. I think we were bad influence on each other or maybe I was a bad influence on her. Years later Layla was pregnant and ended up getting hit by a driver who stole a car and she lost her baby. I remember it was rough on her. After that Layla changed probably for the better but she stopped talking to me. Probably because she had grown up and she thought I was the same old me which I wasn't. I saw her a year ago but she didn't really say much to me. She kinda avoided me. Not sure what I did to her but oh well. I suppose the friendship wasn't worth saving anyhow. We were and are just on different paths now and I guess we weren't meant to be friends.

Chapter 13 - My Book

So after Amy and then Pam I still was living with Walter. For some reason I ended up moving out and in with Pam and her ex who became her girlfriend again Diana. I lived with them in Mount Crawford in Diana's family's trailer. It had land on the property and her family lived down the road. I worked at Duke's Liberty at that time also. Then I ended up moving back in with Walter. I hated living with Pam and Diana cos I felt like a third wheel. And I hated working at Duke's Liberty because the place was owned by Koreans and they made me work in the Blimpie part of the store instead of on the register in the gas station part of the store. I didn't like making subs and I was too slow anyway.

After I moved back in with Walter I started dating Julie. That was a disaster because Julie's life was chaos like mine. She ended up cheating on me with her ex Patrick and moved to Buena Vista with him. That is when I met Sara who was friends with Julie.

When I started talking to Sara I was working at the Kangaroo Express in Staunton and then got transferred to the Kangaroo in Mint Springs. I didn't end up working there long. Sara used to come and visit me at work. She worked at Carded Graphics at the time which is where her mom worked also.

Mom got me into Woodrow Wilson Rehabilitation Center. I had gotten the letter that I had been accepted as a student. I ended up qutting Kangaroo and then got a job through Manpower doing flagging. The flagging job was only a week assignment but that was okay because I was about to start school.

Busy Day

Had another busy day at work. Cheryl came in at 10 so I ran the register until then. After that I got started on putting the truck away. The truck actually came early this morning, it came before Cheryl got there. It has never come around eight thirty before but I didn't mind because then that meant I could go ahead and put stuff away and get my other work done. I watered the flowers today and sprayed myself in the face with the hose in the process. The handle on the sprayer has a leak and it squirts out in two different directions which its not supposed to do. And the thing is brand new but I think a custoner ran over it. Cheryl and I ate a hot dog today and man did they taste good. They had just got done cooking and were delicious. I stocked the cooler and man it was cold in there but once I started moving crates I warmed up thankfully. The day went by pretty fast but at times it didn't feel like it and I was ready for it to be over. Jen came and saw me at work which was the highlight of my day. I had missed her. She stood around and talked to us and then headed to work. I am glad I got to see her cos I might not see her tonight cos I will be asleep probably when she gets home from work.

I got home and let Bella and Cinder out and I sat outside on the deck for awhile then I decided to get up and rake leaves. But I didn't rake for long. There are just too many damn leaves to rake up. I think I am going to borrow mom and dads leaf blower. That will make it much easier. I hate that tree I wish I could cut it down but that is a job for a professional because my tree is super tall. The next door neighbor has been out blowing leaves all evening in his yard. He doesn't seem to mind doing yard work but I do. Its cold and I had a busy day at work and all I want to do is relax. I went in the house and mopped and swept the kitchen though. Then I ate some corn. I think I may put some laundry away and do more laundry. Who knows.

John F Kennedy

Its the anniversary of my favorite President John F Kennedy's death/assassination. He was a great president. Even though he was before my time he is still my favorite President. I like what he stood for & his personality. We lost a great President. I wish he was still alive and was our President now, things would be so different today if he was.

They gave the highest civilian awards to President Clinton, Oprah Winfrey, Salley Ride's partner which I think is great, Gloria Steinam who is a feminist that made history. I can't remember if they gave anyone else the award. I think they were the only ones they mentioned.

I remember going to visit John F Kennedy's grave when I was younger. Dad took us one day and I enjoyed seeing the cemetery. Arlington Cemetary has some of the finest in the nation buried there. My friend Jason Redifer who was killed in Iraq is buried in that cemetery. Maybe one day I will be able to go visit his grave.

Brr Yard Work

Man its cold outside. Today we had a freeze warning for Verona. It warmed up a little bit but not much. It is still freezing cold outside. I am ready for Spring to come, lets just skip Winter.

I need to get out and mow my grass and rake my leaves but something tells me it aint gettin done. I dont want to be out in the cold doing all that. The neighbor is out mowing right now. Forget all that for sure, its too damn cold. Maybe he's bored. I don't know but he can all do that. I am done for this year. I mean I still need to rake my leaves which has to be done and I will eventually get to it just not now.

Jen called and I talked to her but the phone hung up and she didn't call ne back. I am waiting for her to call me back. Or I might call her. She is probably busy at work though.

Just got done eating some nice warm chicken noodle soup. Campbell's Chunky Chicken Noodle Soup is the best.

Randomness

My favorite Coffee from Starbucks is Cafe Mocha.

My favorite Coffee from my atore is Juva Roast with Pumpkin Pie Spice Creamer. Of course the Pumpkin Pie Spice is only seasonal unfortunately.

I have 7 tattoos and 6 piercings. I love tatoos and will probably get more. Since I have been with Jen I have gotten 4 tattoos and one piercing.

I am cold natured, very cold natured. I am always freezing.

I love my job at the gas station. They offer great benefits, better than any other gas station I know of. I don't get health insurance through work cos I have through the VA but I have a pretty good dental insurance plan and 401k through work. And the people I work with are great.

I have 2 dogs that live with me Bella and Cinder. They are my babies. Bella is more Jen's dof and Cinder mine. Cinder is my baby, my child. I love my babies.

I drive a Ford Explorer. I am a Ford person. I come from a Ford family. All my parents vehicles are Ford. Jen drives a VW, that's right a German car. I told her ahe had to get a German car lol since I am German. Haha

Daily Update

Jen and I spent all day and eveninf together because she was off work yesterday. Last night we watched The Biggest Loser and The Voice cos those are two of my favorite shows. Then I headed for bed.

This morning I woke up and let the dogs out and ate breakfast and while I went to take a shower Jen went to Starbucks to get us coffee. I had my usual the Cafe Mocha. And then headed to work.

Today I was on register until ten when Tabitha came in and then I went off and did side work. I stayed busy most of the day.

Now I am off work and at home and Jen is at work so I am outaide with the pups. They are playin in thr yard. I gotta do laundry and clean the house. And take out the trash. Gonna stay busy this evening.

I can't remember if I took my second dose of medicine today. Dang. I am going to have to start setting a reminder on my phone to take my medicine. Grrr.

Brr What A Cold Day

Today's high was 45 degrees. Which is a big difference from yesterday which was a high of 65 almost 70 degrees. It is freakin cold outside. Its been really cold all day and windy.

Last night Jen couldn't sleep cos of her restless leg syndrome and she went to work on no sleep. She spent most of the day awake with me.

I took Jen's car to get coffee at my store. I stood in there for a few talking to Cheryl and April and Rock came in. Rock is my friend Vanessa's husband. Rock was whispering in my ear and talking dirty. He creeped me out so I went and hid in the office with April. He ended up coming back there to the bathroom and saw me standing there and told me to come pick him sometime. Finally he left, he was a creep. First of all I don't like men and second he is too old and married to my friend. No respect at all I swear.

After I left the store I came home and then I remembered I had to go pay the cable bill. So I took my truck and went and paid the cable bill.

April called while I was in there so I called her back when I got to my truck. She was wanting more shoeboxes so she sent me off looking for shoeboxes. I went to one Dollar General and they were out of them. While I was there I bought me a Spider-Man Gift Set that had a 35mm Camera, a flashlight and binoculars in it. Then I went to the second Dollar General and they didn't have shoeboxes that I was looking for either but they did have a more exspensive shoebox so I got 3 of them. And I remembered we needed toilet paper so I got a 24 pack of that. And I got Jen's pawpaw a Christmas Present while I was there.

After that I headed back to the store and on my way to the store April called and asked me where I was. Darnell was apparently there to pick up shoeboxes and they were waiting on me. So I hurried back to the store amd gave April the shoeboxes. They gave me the money for the shoeboxes. After that I got more coffee then I came home.

I have been home ever since and have been working on my family tree on Ancestry com. I got a paid membership, it was only twenty dollars a month. I should have gotten the thirty four dollar membership which is the world membership so I could get info for the Kirchner side of my family but I got the US membership. I might upgrade.

I watched Days Of Our Lives today, pretty interesting. Jen was asleep during the show I think. She was tired. It has been nice spending time with her today.

Creigh Deeds

Man I can't believe Creigh Deeds was found stabbed and his son found shot to death. Creigh Deeds was my lawyer back in 2002. He is a good man.

Chilly Night of Writing

Its 55 degrees so says the bank sign at Dupont Community Crrdit Union. Jen and I are headed to Pizza Hut to get a pizza that I called in. She had a credit on her account. Its a full moon tonight. The moon is so bright, its lighting up the whole sky. It gor windier and chillier outside. Its actually kind of cold out now. I hate this whole up and down weather. I want it to stay warm. I know that won't happen though. I can't always have it warm like I like it unless of course I lived somewhere like Arizona or Florida.

I decided to read over my old journal entries and I started making notes with today's date on them. So I would know how I feel about what I wrote back then. It shows my perspective on the situation now versus back then.

Man what a nice day

It was pretty warm today, in the sixties. It got to about 65 today and it was warm especially when I was standing on mom and dads back porch in the sun. I was outside with Zeus and we were bonding. Zeus is my parents pitbull and he is a sweetheart.

Mom and I went to my bank, Bank Of America so I could get out money. Then we went to Starbucks and I got me a Cafe Mocha and mom got a Tazo Tea. After that we went to Kmart and I put Christmas Presents on layaway. Mom already knows what I am getting her since ahe was with me lol. I got her a Magic Bullet Juicer since she is getting into juicing thanks to my Cousin Sandy who is also into juicing and raw foods. Mom can do her liver detox now with the juicer. I got April and Peggy and Stefany's presents but I still need to get Cheryl and Tabitha a present. And I got Jen some presents too. I got Kaylee a present that I put on Layaway and I also bought her a Spider-Man Hot Cocoa set with Spider-Man mugs in it. I got me a Old Spice Swagger gift set cos that is my favorite Old Spice fragrance besides the fox one whatever its called foz something. Its a nrw fragrance out called fox something and it smells good.

After Kmart I took Mom to apply for her two jobs. The last place we went we ended up standing in there awhile talking to the girl brcause she is a Jehovah Witness and goes to the Kingdom Hall with Mom. She was really nice to talk too. And she said her husband does Web Design which is what I went to school for. She said he also does Computer Repair which is what my dad used to do. So my perspective on Jehovah's Witnesses have changed. Not all of them are uppity and rude and think they are better like Lorraine and Leo. That's where my opinion came from, from them and the way they acted and how they treated me. But I have come to realize not all Jehovah's Witnesses act like that just them. Her name was Melanie and she was really down to earth and funny and had a great personality.

So after we left there we ended up going home to Mom and Dad's house. I helpes mom carry in the water's and then it was time for me to head home because it was going to be getting dark soon and I wanted to get home before dark.

Now I am home and Jennifer is sleeping. I am outside with the dogs. Its not too bad out here still but it is getting windy and chilly.

Time to do laundry now and fold clothes. I got to talk to my sister Donica today on the phone.

My Book

I found some journal entries from 2003 and I am glad because 2002 and 2003 were hard for me to remember. So I can read back over them and remember things that I didn't previously remember. I am going to look through more stuff and see if I can find anything when I am at Mom and dads house next time. I am going to add the journal entries to my book. 2002 and 2003 were kinda blurry and hard for me to remember so reading over the journal entries will be goos for my memory.

I read back over my journal entries from 2003 and am like what the fuck was wrong with me. Years after that I had read over it and made notes next to it and I read those and laughed my ass off. They cracked me up but I had realized that I grew as a person and came to the realization that I was apparently fucked up in the head. I am adding the journal entries to my book I am writing so yall will eventually be able to read them when I get done with my book. I have 10 or 11 chapters I have written so far but I keep going over each chapter and adding things to them that I remember. Who knows when I will finish my book but it will probably be awhile. I have been writing like 2 chaptera a day. I finished chapter 10 today but I am sure I will be adding more to it. I went back to Chapter one and added a bunch of stuff to it.

Chapter 11 - My Book

While I was living with Walter I met Amy. She was friends with my friend Laura. Laura apparently liked Amy but at the time I didn't know that. Laura babysat for Amy. Amy had a son. Amy and I started talking amd then started aeeinf each other. We fell in love. We spent every.minute together that we could. She lived with her boyfriend Joe. Man was he a psycho. I was working at the Kangaroo in Staunton and Amy would always come see me. She brought out the sweet romantic side in me. One time I got her flowers and Joe found out boy was he pissed. I didn't care.

Amy worked at Tractor Supply so I got a second job working there. One time I was sitting in my car getting ready to go into work and I had my window down cos I was smoking. Joe walked up to my window and spit in my face. That is considered assault and I could've gotten him for that but Amy begged me not to so I didn't. I would have done anything for her. We emailed each other every minute we could. And we talked on Myspace a lot. We spent every chance we got together.

Our relationship got to the point where Amy had to make a decision whether she would be with me or be with Joe. She said she didn't want to hurt Joe. I ended up leaving her to go out with a girl named Pam who looked like Brittany Spears. Stupidest thing I did because Pam ended up cheating on me with her ex. I screwed up a good thing with Amy. Yes to this day I still do have love for Amy and occassionally think about her but I haven't talked to her in awhile. I could have had a good thing but everything happens for a reason.

After years went by and I talked to her again she told me that Joe had been cheating on her the whole time. I thought he was psycho and so did Walter. Joe used to drive by our apartment and throw beer cans in our yard and throw beer bottles against the side of our apartment breaking them and leaving glass in the yard. He seemed like a psycho stalker always following me I guess because he thought Amy was with me. One time he almost ran me off the road. But even through all that I still wanted to be with Amy.

Busy Day

Im up now and about to eat breakfast. Then I am gonna take a shower and get dressed and go get me some Juva Roast Coffee. Then head to non and dad's house. Then mom and I are going to go to Starbucks so I can get a Cafe Mocha and look for her two jobs. And I gotta put stuff on layaway for Christmas. I am limited on funds this year so I am going to buy my best friends presents and my coworkers and Jen presents.

A warmer day

So it was warmer today. It probably got in the fifties today but the wind wasn't as bad. It wasn't that bad this morning either and no frost on my windows thankfully.

Today wasn't as busy at work but I stayed busy, it was steady. I got a lot more done today than I did yesterday. I was proud of myself for accomplishing more then I did yesterday.

I put hot dogs out earlier and I am glad cos I sold 4. I had put out 6 hot dogs thankfully. Something told me to put six hot dogs out cos I would sell them.

So I got home and Bella and Cinder heard me unlock the door and came running from the bedroom. They were excited to see me. I was glad to see them cos I love my babies. Jen was asleep since she has to work.

I cleaned up the kitchen a bit and wrote some more chapters in my book. I am just relaxing now but I need to stay motivated and focused because well my house ain't going to clean itself.

Jen decided last night around 9 pm that she was hungry for pizza. So I took my medicine since it was almost my bedtime and went with her to get pizza at Pizza Hut. She didn't want mushrooms on the pizza and they put them on there anyway. So she called them and they gave her a twenty dollar credit to her account. Then we came home and I ate 3 slices of pizza. I was hungry but also the pizza was really good. Pizza Hut has the best pizza. Way better than Dominos and Papa John's. I ended up going to sleep after that and it didn't take me long to fall asleep.

So this morning I woke up rested and in a good mood. I got up and got motivated and took the dogs out and we ate breakfast and I took a shower and off to work I went. All day I was in a good mood and stayed motivated.

Today was way better than yesterday. I was able to finish paperwork quickly and enter invoices and the stuff on the computer. We were over for Friday and Saturday and had raised a decent amount for Operation Christmas Child. I raised sixteen dollars and some change today for OCC. So I did better than I did yesterday. A lot of people keep saying no and its close to the holidays so people are tight with their money.

I am off tomorrow and Tuesday and Jen is off Tuesday. Tomorrow I am taking Mom to apply for two jobs. And we will probably end up going to Starbucks. And I didn't pay Comcast Friday so I gotta do that and I gotta pay our trash bill. And I wanted to put stuff on layaway at Kmart so I guess we will see if I get all that done. Normally I like to sleep in on my days off but I am going to try to get up around seven and grt motivated. That will be me sleeping in an hour. Lol. 

Tuesday I am going to spend the day with Jen. Unless she ends up sleeping most of the day. I will probably do laundry and clean the house. Always something to do.

Chapter 10 - My Book

So I ended up meeting Walter, actually we had gone to school together. Walter always came in the Kangaroo. Him and I became best friends. Walter had a one bedroom apartment in Staunton. I ended moving in with him. Mind you Walter was gay. We used to go clubbing at Club 216 which was a gay club. I had been there before with Petra. During that time I worked at the Charlottesville Kangaroo. I didn't much like the store but I liked working for Heather. I didn't work at that location long before I was transferred to the Mint Springs store.

I lived with Walter in his one bedroom apartment, I had a futon that I had gotten from Rent A Center and stuck it in the living room and that's where I slept. Walter and I always had fun together, we were the best of friends. We did everything together and went everywhere together. We had some good times but like I said a lot I don't remember. I am piecing together what I remember.

One time it snowed and at that time I was driving Mom's Ford Taurus. It snowed at our apartment and I got stuck in the snow. Walter's Neon wasn't stuck but mine was. Walter ended up getting me unstuck from the spot though thankfully. He went forward and backward and forward until it wasn't stuck anymore.

I became friends with a girl named Missy on Myspace. We talked a lot and become friends from there. I don't talk to her anymore now actually but we were friends for years after that. I was on Myspace a lot and so was Walter and we always took photos of ourselves and uploaded to Myspace. Walter had a desktop computer that we used. I eventually got a laptop from Rent A Center. At the time it was a brand new Sony laptop that had just came out so I had the top of the line. I still have that laptop but it needs a new battery which I have yet to buy. It is still in good condition though pretty much except it is missing a key on it because Zeus knocked the key off and I couldn't get it back on.

I dated several people while living with Walter but no one really worth mentioning because those relationships didn't last long. There was Sarah who worked at the cemetery and Julie who I am still friends with but she cheated on me but we are still friends. And then there was Kim that went to school at the Staunton School For Cosmetology. Then there was Amy, the second girl that I was in love with. I could write so much about Amy and I think I will tell you about her because she is definitely worth mentioning. I have lots of memories about her. However she had a boyfriend and he was psycho and found out about us.

Chapter 9 - My Book

After I moved back in with Mom and Dad I started smoking again. Kendall and I were still dating but that didn't last. I started talking to a girl named Meagan on Myspace and we eventually started dating. Meagan was sweet and romantic. She lived in Suffolk and came up to see me. I dated her for a couple months but the distance didn't work and I wasn't moving down there.

After I got out of the Army I went back to work at Alcoa. Petra was still working there and had been telling everyone lies about me. I worked there a couple months and quit. I couldn't work with her after all she had done to me.

I went back to work at Kangaroo Express. I liked my job there and I had met some cool people there. Marylou was working there but when they switched over to Kangaroo she left. Her daughter Heather started working there. Heather had another full time job  but came to work there part time. She ended up becoming Manager and was then transferred to the Charlottesville store. I ended up following her there. I didn't like the Charlottesville store as much but I liked working with Heather.

So I was working at Kangaroo and living with mom and dad and trying to sort my life back out after the Army and the whole Petra situation. After I got back and went back to work at Alcoa Petra acted like nothing was wrong. As if she hadn't stolen twelve thousand dollars from me and hadn't told lies. I knew otherwise and so did everyone else. They knew she was a liar. So I quit Alcoa and tried to stay away from Petra. I still talked to Al. He brought me some of my stuff that he had snuck out of the house. No clothes though.

A month or two went by and I hadn't talked to Petra and Al. I got a call that Al was in the hospital. So I called him in the hospital but he didn't have much to say. Someone had told him about Petra and I and I guess he believed them and that's why he didn't have much to say to me. The whole Petra and I thing had ended not long after I moved in with them. We were only friends. Not long after that Al was found in the house laying over the bed dead. They say he overdosed on pills but I don't know if I believed it. I believe Petra killed him or gave him too many pills, that's the same thing. Well I ended up talking to Petra. And we went to Al's funeral. It was held in Covington on top of the mountain in the cemetery. Tony and I stood in the back of everybody else and we were dressed in our Army Class A's which are dress uniforms. Since Al was an Army Veteran it was a Military Ceremony. When they played the revelry and did the 12 gun salute me and Tony couldn't hold back the tears. Hence why we were standing in the back because we knew we would cry. Al was like a second father to us and he meant a lot to us. We lost a great man. She ended up selling the house and of course still had Al's truck which was his baby. After that I stopped talking to Petra because I believed or had in my head that she killed Al.

She ended up coming into the Kangaroo one night when I was working and showed me her engagement ring. She was apparently engaged to a guy that worked with us at Alcoa. Al had been gone only two months and she was already engaged. What the fuck. That made me even more suspicious of her and believe she killed Al. The autopsy results were never released but only to Petra and Al's sister. So who knows but I believed what I did for a reason. I was disgusted by her and wanted nothing to do with her.

Chapter 8 - My Book

So while I was in the Army I was a rebel. I had a problem with authority. It was all fun and games for me at that time. I was immature and childish and needed a lot of growing up. That is one reason I joined the Army to get discipline and to mature. And I wanted to get away from Petra but I didn't know how. That was my way of getting away from her.
I had lots of great battle buddies. Namely Christie Leath and Missy Jenson. Two of my battle buddies I spent the most time with. We did everything together and got into trouble together.

I learned a lot while in the Army. I was a cook in the Army so of course I learned to cook. A lot of things I don't remember though. I got to travel so it was nice. I stayed in the States thankfully and didn't have to go overseas. Its sad that I let drugs ruin my memory and life in a way because a lot I don't remember. I am better now but my memory isn't the best. And some things I choose not to remember. I have blocked those things out of my mind.
I spent two weeks in the Psych Ward in January 2005 and two weeks in February 2005. With all the bullshit I was going through with Petra and eveything I was going through in the Army things got a little crazy for me and I guess my head was up in the clouds. I ended up getting diagnosed with Manic Depressive Bipolar Disorder, Paranoid Schizophrenia, Anxiety Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and a few other things. The list of things I was diagnosed with is endless it seems. I don't know if I always had any of that or if the Army brought it out. But I was diagnosed with them while I was in the Army.

While I was in the psych ward I met a girl named Kendell. We ended up dating. Jenson and I would sneak off base and go hang out with Kendall. Jenson and I ended up leaving the Army and Kendall took us back to my parents.
We went AWOL. Our heads were not in the right place and I guess I kinda influenced Jenson. Jenson ended up going home and her parents sent her back to the base. My parents were glad I was home. I didn't end up going back to live with Petra and Al. I hadn't really talked to them much while I was in the Army. When I came back Petra wouldn't give me my stuff back. I just kinda had to start over. She wouldn't even give me back my clothes. What a fucking bitch. Mom had to go buy me clothes so I had something to wear. So thankful I had my parents. They bailed me out a lot. I was glad to be living with them again.

Chapter 6 - My Book

Petra was controlling and she liked to put shit in my head. She tried to turn me against my parents. During the time I was living there I didn't get to see my parents much or talk to them and I regret it now because that was time lost with my parents. She would always tell me that my parents didn't love me and that they were more my family then my parents were. I hate her for that. One time I went out to eat with Dad and when I came home man did I get the third degree. Petra was mad at me for going out to dinner with my dad. She didn't talk to me for a week after that. That was one thing that always stressed me, she would go days without talking to me every time she got mad at me or I did something that she didn't like. She played major mind games with me.

So Petra's son Tony went and signed up for the Army National Guard. He told the recruiter when asked why he wanted to join that he wanted to kill people. The recruiter said well your in the right place. So he had joined the Army. Petra kinda pushed me in a way and well Al was a Vietnam Veteran and Petra had been in the Coast Guard. So the whole family was military. And they treated me and considered me to be family so I kinda felt like it was my duty to sign up for the military. I eventually ended up signing up for the Army. It was my choice but like I said I was kind of coerced and talked into it. I went to MEPS to take the ASVAB and I failed it. Man I was so upset and disappointed. I eventually ended up taking it again and passed it. Time went by and I got ready and prepared to go off for Boot Camp. I worked out and did lots of PT.

Before I joined the Army I dumbly got a joint account with Petra. All my Army money went into that account. Do you know I got not one cent of my money while I was in the Army because Petra took my bank card before I went off to Boot Camp. She said I didn't need money in the Army. My battle buddies took care of me and bought me stuff I needed thankfully. The only reason I had money is because I did other people's guard duty and they paid me. I used my money wisely.

I really dislike Petra for everything she has done to me. She Don't know how she screwed me up. She played so many mind games with me and she was so controlling and wanted me to stay away from my family.

Chapter 7 - My Book

One time Petra and I decided to add a deck onto the back of the house. My money went into that deck also. And I am the one who built that deck. Petra helped a little with it but I eventually ended up finishing it and it looked good.

Al liked to garden and he had cucumbers and tomatoes and all kinds of stuff growing. I decided to grow a Sunflower. That thing kept growing and growing until it was taller then me. I was proud of myself because I hadn't really grown anything before then.
I used to go along with Al to eat breakfast with him and his best friend Ronnie at Armstrongs. They are a great restaurant and home cook their food.

Al loved to fish. He was a bass fisherman and he used to teach disabled kids to fish. I guess that's why we got along so well because he understood me because I had a disability and I loved to fish. And he treated me good, not like someone with a disability. But he was understanding of my disabilities.

Al also had a drinking problem. Petra and I used to find bottles hidden. One time when Al was gone Petra made me go through the house and throw all the bottles away. Whenever Al and I would go somewhere and come home he would pull in the driveway and sit in the truck and drink his liquor before going in. Petra made me do a lot of things I didn't want to do. I guess I could have said no but in a way I was scared of her.

One time I was going through stuff in the attic and I came upon court papers that were Petra's. They were about abuse that Petra's son Tony and her daughter and her exes kids endured. I read about how she used to lock them up in the room and handcuff them to the bed. So I thought, Petra is a child abuser. I wondered why after the abuse Tony had anything to do with her. Her daughter didn't have anything to do with her at all. She scared me, she just had a scary, controling way about her.

When Tony went in the Army Petra got ahold of his bank account and was taking his money. He told me about it and said he had fixed it. She couldn't get his money anymore.

Chapter 5 - My Book

The next chapter of my life is what started it all for me really in not trusting people. And began probably me being used or it could have started with others but I think really began here. I was young, dumb and naive at the time. It started with all with Petra, well actually it started with Carol or maybe it began with Tonya who was my first relationship. So it started with Tonya.

I met and became friends with Petra. She worked with me at Alcoa in the warehouse, she was a truck driver. She was 42 at the time and I was around 22 or 23. I started talking to Petra and I guess we started dating or so I had thought. At least that's what she made me believe.

Petra was staying with a guy named Al. She said they were roommates. Well, they ended up getting married. And at the time I was living with Mom and Dad still and started hanging out over Al and Petra's and eventually moved in with them. That was a mistake but at the same time I learned a lot and became close with Al.

I learned a lot of lessons in life after this whole situation for sure. I was used, manipulated and controled. I still worked at Alcoa. Petra and I worked the same shift. I worked a lot of overtime to keep myself busy. I think a lot of the things I did I wouldn't have done if Petra hadn't talked me into doing them. I ended up getting a second job at Etna Gas Station which later changed to Kangaroo Express. I loved my jobs.

Petra was older so she sometimes acted like she was my mother. Al more acted like a grandfather figure or father figure. He was sweet and caring and loving and would do anything to help you. Al was famous for sitting in the kitchen and listening to the scanner. Several times he would fall asleep with a cigarette in his hand and there would be burn marks in the linoleum. And I always had to tell him to go to bed because he had fallen asleep in the chair at the kitchen table.

Petra was a very manipulative person. And very controlling. I was always giving her money and she made more then me, way more. Not to mention she was taking all of Al's money too and using him.

One time a guy from work had given me some Purple Haze from his vacation in Jamaica. Now I didn't know what Purple Haze was but I came to realize it was stronger pot then I had ever smoked. I thought it was laced with something but he said it wasn't. I laid on my waterbed but that made it worse cos the whole room was spinning. Thankfully Petra and Al weren't there they had gone to Al's appointment at the Salem Veteran's Hospital. I called Ashley cos I was freaking out and she tried to calm me down.

While I was living with Petra and Al I eventually realized that Petra and I were nothing more than friends. So I had started talking to this girl named Ashley who was married. Ashley was living in Arizona with her husband Curtis at the time. Ashley was from Houma, Louisianna. Ashley and I started dating and talked on the phone all the time. She would have to go hide away from Curtis to talk to me. I fell in love with her, the first girl I had ever been in love with and we had never even met. We only talked on the phone and the computer and sent pictures back and forth to each other and constantly emailed each other and talked on Myspace. Man was I in love with her and she was absolutely beautiful. I loved everything about her, her voice, the way she talked to me, when she called me baby. Man she made my heart skip a beat. I eventually planned on being with her but it never happened. She did eventually end up leaving her husband and moving back to Louisianna. Her husband Curtis was in the Army. Well, I eventually ended up joining the Army and I think she didn't like that one bit. We ended up for some reason stopped talking and lost touch. And it was heartbreaking. I still think about her sometimes and wonder how she's doing.

Nothing exciting

Nothing exciting happened todat. I got up and followed my routine and went off to work. It was another busy day for me and then I came home. Not much to tell really. I may be having writer's block, I don't know, just not much to say. Today was a frustrating day. Its never really exciting when I am working by myself and staying and trying to get everything done. Glad to be home though that is for sure. I am sitting outside on my deck and boy is it nice to sit down when you have been on your feet for eight hours with no break.

Busy Day

It was another busy at work. We were slammed today. After I left the gas prices went up. I can't remember what we are up to now. After work I pulled up in the driveway and Jen was waiting in her car for me so I got in with her and we left.

We went to Country Cooking and ate dinner. Jen treated me to dinner, she's so sweet. Then we went to one of my banks, Bank Of America and I got money out. Then we headed to Kmart in Waynesboro. I bought cat litter, cat food, a Spider-Man Christmas Ornament, a Spider-Man Beanie Hat and some other stuff. Then we went to Tractor Supply to get Rabbit Food. We stopped off at Dollar General in Fishersville and I bought all the packs of bones they had. They only had 5 packs and they have three bones in them each. Jen bought Bella a squeaky toy. After that we went to Food Lion to buy groceries and then came home.

We got home and brought the groceries and other stuff in and sat everything on the kitchen floor. Jen was putting the groceries away and I was bringing in the cat litter and Bella and Cinder went through the bags and got the bones and squeaky toy out haha.

Another Busy Day At Work

So I woke up this morning and took the dogs out to pee and I smoked while they ran around in the yard. Then we came in and ate two Pumpkin Pie poptarts. Yes I share with my dogs. We eat Poptarts every morning for breakfast and I drink a bottle of water. Then I took my shower and got dressed and went and started my truck. Sometimes in the morning its hard for me to get motivated. So I got my stuff together and headed to work.

I got to woek and smoked another cigarette before I went in. Stefany was working and I said good morning and got my coffee. I must always have my coffee in the morning. Its like shut up, leave me alone until I have my coffee. Man was the coffee good this morning. Stefany makes good coffee. It seems like everyone's coffee tastes different, its how they make it. I got on register and began my day. It was busy and it was truck day. Tabitha was to come in at 10 so I only had until then to get donations for Operation Christmas Child. Unfortunately I didn't raise what I did yesterday but I was only on register from 7 to 10. I raised nineteen dollars. And Tabitha raised only two dollars and some change. Its all about asking people but a lot people say no which is discouraging. Its all about the kids though, they all should be able to have a Christmas, a happy Christmas. After Tabitha got there I unloaded the cigarettes and snuff and oriced them and tried to stay busy. I was glad when three oclock came.

I came home to my babies Bella and Cinder who were so happy to see me. Jen was at work and still is, she doesn't get off until eleven. I miss her, wish she was at hone with us. I have been cleaning and doing laundy and working on my book. Now its time to watch the news. And I might make something to eat but I am not hungry yet. Time for another bottle of water.

Chapter 4 - My Book

I ended up meeting a girl named Nicki from Roanoke and we started dating. Nicki eventually moved in with me at my apartment. She was a good housewife making dinner and fixing my lunch for work. But the thing that bothered me about her was that she didn't work. When I met her she had just graduated from Hollins. I can't remember why I moved out of my apartment but Nicki and I ended up moving out and into these people's basement that they had for rent. Kathy and Eddie were there names and they were into partying and drinking and Kathy did drugs. Eddie used to be a DEA Agent go figure. We didn't stay living there long. They were overcharging me for rent. I was paying 500 dollars a week in rent which was ridiculous. At the time I didn't think about how I was getting screwed over.
Eddie and Kathy ended up getting in a domestic dispute and Kathy got her head busted open by Eddie when he threw her against the sliding glass door. Mind you Eddie did it cos he thought Kathy was cheating on him. She got a restraining order against him and he wasn't allowed on the property. During that time Kathy had all kinds of people over the house and she was doing drugs with them. Nicki and I lived in the basement apartment and weren't allowed upstairs. But one time I snuck up there after a night of their partying and found drug paraphenelia. Anyways after that Nicki and I ended up moving in with my parents.
At that point in our relationship it wasn't working out. I didn't want to be with her and she got mad when I talked to my friends who were girls. My sister Donica had just bought me a brand new pair of Vans from her store, JC Penny's and Nicki got mad at me and put hair gel in my brand new Vans. Man I was fucking pissed off. That was the breaking point for me.
I told Mom what Nicki had did and I told her I was done with Nicki. Mom and Dad kicked Nicki out. One of Nicki's friends from Pennsylvania came and got her and she was gone and out of my life. I was never so thankful to be rid of her.

Not much to say about Nicki. She moved in my apartment with me and at first she was okay but as our relationship went on so did the drama. She had a friend who was also her ex boyfriend, Michael was his name and him and Nicki were close. I think she cheated on me with him while I was at work.

When I had my apartment in Waynesboro I allowed Olivia my sister's friend to move in with me. She was dating Josh, a guy who went to school with us. I didn't like him at all. I think Olivia cheated on him or maybe it was him that cheated on her. I don't remember but it's not important. That whole situation was a train wreck from the beginning really. Olivia didn't end up living with me long though. I guess I always allowed people to live with me. I think it was because I was lonely.

One time Munchkin scratched me on the inside of my nose and my nose was gushing with blood and wouldn't stop. I called Sonics and mom and they came over to help me. I was apparently making my nose worse leaning my head the wrong way but mom and Sonics fixed me all up.

Chapter 3 - My Book

So I lived with mom and dad after the breakup with Tonya. When Tonya and I got into one of our fights and had to go to court the judge told us to stay away from each other. We didn't of course and we still talked but then we eventually stopped talking and went our seperate ways. I started working at Food Lion in the Deli and was making eight dollars an hour. One of my paychecks was exactly six hundred and sixty six dollars. I thought it was cool to have a paycheck that was 666.

I started talking to a girl named Carol whom I had gone to school with. Carol was in a grade below me and two years younger then me. She was in band at our high school. When I started talking to her she was still a senior in high school I believe because I remember going to the football games and watching her perform in the band. Or maybe she had already graduated I can't remember but I remember she did a lot with the band while we were together.

Carol and I started talking and eventually started dating. She was there for me through some of the Tonya bullshit. And she was there for me when Tonya beat me up the last time and she went to court with me over that situation. Carol even went to the police station with me and to court with me when I got arrested for that whole leaf blower incident. So she was there for me I do give her that much.

Carol and I spent a lot of time together and her best friend Jeremy was around a lot. He didn't have a girlfriend so he hung around us a lot. Jeremy ended up getting his own place, a trailer on his family's property and I moved in with him and Carol.

I had ended up not working at Food Lion anymore while I was still living with my parents because of some bullshit. A girl named Carol worked there at Food Lion and her sister Rachel had been after me but I didn't really want anything to do with her. Rachel wasn't my type at all. Well she wanted me to have a threesome with her and her boyfriend. Because I said no to her she had her sister Carol who worked with me tell our boss that I was sexually harassing her. Such a fucking lie I wasn't harassing Carol, I barely talked to her at work in fact I tried to avoid her most of the time. So I got brought in our bosses office and he told me about the accusations that Carol had made against me and I explained to him the situation with Rachel but I still ended up getting fired over it. Oh well I didn't really like working in the deli anyway, but it was a job.

I ended up getting a job at Alcoa through a temp agency called Express. Alcoa was a factory and paid way better. Through the temp agency I was getting like ten fifty an hour. And I eventually got hired on full time. I loved my job there and I was a Scanner and Label Maker. I worked in the warehouse and had great benefits and holiday pay and vacation. I worked twelve hour shifts from six thirty pm to six thrity am. I didn't mind working third shift cos at the time it worked for me because I didn't sleep much at night because I had insomnia.

So I was working at Alcoa and I ended up moving in with Carol and Jeremy. This is where the partying of my life began. Carol and Jeremy always had people over there house and hanging out. Those people they had over there did drugs and drank. This is where my drug use began. At that time I was more of a follower than a leader so I followed the crowd. So whatever drugs they did I also tried. We did everything from Marijuana to Heroin to Coke, you name it we did it. They were mostly pot smokers but they were always trying new things. My drug of choice was Marijuana and Heroin. Heroin was something I ended up getting addicted to. This is why I can't remember much because of the all the drugs I did back then.

While I lived with Jeremy and Carol I continued to work at Alcoa the entire time I lived there. I loved my job and I was planning on keeping my job there. I made good money and got paid weekly so that was great. Carol and I's relationship was going downhill fast. I couldn't stand that she didn't have a job and wasn't even looking for a job. All she did was party and do drugs and sleep all the time. Carol's friend Mike ended up moving in with us also. And he didn't have a job either. Carol had a job before we got together at Hardees but I am not sure what happened to that. She didn't work the entire time we were together. People kept staying at the house all the time and partying. I was trying to focus on my job and keeping my job. I was trying to be the responsible one in the house. Yes I let them influenece me but I finally realized that I needed to get out of the house and out of the relationship. It was obvious that Carol wasn't going to change and who was I to try to change her. So I did something sneaky and probably wrong. Well it was wrong in Carol's eyes. Carol and I had planned on moving out of Jeremy's house and getting our own place. Well, Carol's friend lived in an apartment in Waynesboro and there was an apartment available. Carol didn't know but I went behind her back and got the apartment for myself. I signed the lease and moved my stuff in. Carol had talking to another girl, Cassie. I remember Carol and Cassie coming to my apartment and Carol being all upset because I had gone behind her back and got the place without her. She was talking to Cassie and they ended up dating but I think for not long. So I didn't cheat on her, seems like she was cheating on me. Bringing another girl to my apartment hello just throw it in my face and say yall are just friends. Come on now I am not stupid. I didn't care cos I didn't want to be with her anyway. I was actually glad that Carol was now someone elses problem and not mine.

I loved my new apartment. It had a fireplace and it was 2 bedrooms and the bedrooms were huge and it was on the second floor. The apartment was heated by a radiator on the wall which made the electric only about twenty dollars a month. I was getting paid weekly so I had plenty of money to live on because my rent was only four hundred fifty a month.
I remember on my twentieth birthday Jennifer Wimer my best friend came over to my apartment and we ate cake. For my birthday she gave me a kitten whom I named Harry for Harry Potter. He was so cute and I loved him dearly. My birthday cake had Harry Potter smoking a joint and it read Harry Potsmoker on the cake. That was the first time I ever celebrated my birthday since my mom was a Jehovah Witness and I never got to celebrate it before. While living at my apartment I smoked pot, that was all I did there. I had given up the other drugs. And the girl who lived next to me and downstairs smoked pot too so I would smoke with them sometimes. The lady downstairs had a daughter named Rachel who didn't live with her and she was around my age. I had a crush on Rachel and I think I became infatuated with her. We ended up dating if that's what you want to call it. I think she just wanted to have sex with me and that was all. We did end up having sex and after that we didn't hang out as much. We were both the more dominant type so we didn't click. But I did still smoke pot with Rachel her mom occassionally. The girl who lived below me Lisa she was Carol's friend. Lisa had gone to school with Carol and I but they were really good friends kinda like best friends I guess.

My sister's friend Shelly had dated this guy named Steve. We all went to school together. Steve and Shelly dated and had a kid together named Brandon. Steve at the time was living in Pennsylvania and wanted to come back home. So one morning after working a twelve hour shift Lisa and I rented a car and drove up to Pennsylvania to get Steve. Mind you Lisa didn't have a driver's liscense so I had to drove up all the way. We ended up getting lost and were heading to Pittsburgh when we should have been heading to Philadelphia. I ended up turning around finally and we made it to Steve's house. He was living with his Mom and brothers. His dad was lived in our area and he wanted to move back down here to be closer to his son and dad. He ended up moving in with me which I had offered which I later realized was a mistake. One time my friend Cindy was over and Steve was in my Ford Ranger truck showing off for her and was switching my gears back and forth which he shouldn't have been doing because my truck was an automatic and he tore the transmission out of it. Dad ended up paying for me to get a new transmission. So that pissed me off highly and pretty much did it for me. Besides the fact that he hung out with Lisa and her husband Josiah who lived downstairs below me all the time. Steve was always at their apartment. The stipulation was that he could move in with me if he got a job which never happened. I got tired of taking care of him and cleaning up after him and him not working. So I sat his stuff outside my apartment and was done with him. I think he ended up staying with Lisa and Josiah.

I had a kitty named Harry Potter whom I loved dearly. He was so adorable. I got him for a present from my best friend Jennifer. I loved that kitty but when I moved back in with Mom and dad he had to be an outside cat and he wasn't the only cat cos I had munchkins and Harry didn't like that so he ran away. I never saw him again, I hope he is well taken care of. I ure he found a new home. He never came back, I called his name for days but he never showed back up. I miss that cat, he was my baby. But I also had Munchkin and I loved him dearly too. I got Munchkin when I was living with Tonya at our apartment. Jessie had Munchkin and he was a kitten and she couldn't have him at her apartment so she asked us to watch him. Well, I never gave him back. He was mine and he loved me.

A Productive Day

I did over $4000 in sales today. I raised $40 for Operation Christmas Child today. Peggy was there to do sidework which meant I could focus on donations and sales. So all in all today was a good day. Jen is sick and stayed home today. Just went and got food at Mcdonalds cos Jen was hungry. Gotta clean the house but I forgot to take my secons dose of medicine so I don't know how much motivation I will have left. Probably not much so I will probably be taking it easy this evening.

Fucking cold

Man its fucking cold. It was 38 this morning and the highest it got to was 45 and now its back down in thirties. Its freakin cold outside. I am not a Winter person at all. I want Summer back even Spring would be okay. Brrrr. My hands are like ice.

A Cold Day

Man it feels like it could snow. Its like 38 degrees outside brr cold. Went and got my coffee this morning and Tabitha and April were there. They were having an Audit and were busy. Tabitha left at 12:30 so that meant April would have to run register. As if she didn't have a million other things to do. Poor April is having a rough day. I would have worked but I couldn't cos that would have put me in overtime and we can't get overtime at work. At least I will be there tomorrow.

At Mom and Dad's now. I entered some of my Coke Rewards Caps and earned ten cents off of gas on my Shell Fuel Rewards Card cos I redeemed 45 Coke Rewards. I have over 200 Coke Rewards Points now. It would only let me enter up to 120 reward points. Oh well at least I got a bunch of points now. I am waiting for my mom to get ready so we can go find her two jobs for this week for her unemployment. Then we will probably go shopping. I have a grocery list made, a small one but I needed some stuff. I am almost out of cash and mom always helps me out. I don't know what I would do without her. I am so grateful for my parents.

Hopefully we go to Starbucks, we normally do on the days I spend with mom. Mom gets a coffee and I get my Cafe Mocha.

A Great Day

So today was a good day. Jrn and I both were off work. She was tired from working third shift and she wasn't feeling well so she slept most of the day. I went in my store this morning in my pjs to get coffee my Juva Roast and cigarettes. Then I came home and relaxed because well today is Veterans Day, my day and all I wanted to do was relax and do no housework and I haven't. So eventually I decided to get motivated and take a shower and got dressed and went back to my store for more coffee. I earned ten cents today by buying two coffees today on my Shell Fuel Rewards Card. I hung around the store talking to Tabitha and April. Eventually I left and I came home and Jen was still sleeping. She eventually got out of bed. I spent a good portion of the day working on my book. I wrote two chapters today of my book. Over a thousand words written today. After Jen got up she ordered pizza and we went to pick it up. I don't eat a lot of pizza because it messes with my Irritable Bowel Syndrome but I ate two slices and it was good. Bear called and I talked to him for a bit. He gave me a history lesson about slavery and the Nazis. A little too much information that I could have lived without hearing. The details were a bit too much for me. I sometimes prefer not to hear the details of some things. Anyways now Jen and I are watching The Voice and bed will be calling soon. Mom and Dad haven't called but I guess they won't since I will see them tomorrow.

Chapter 2 - My Book

The first real relationship I was in was with Tonya. I guess I was excited to have a first relationship and was all into Tonya. She had died blond hair and was taller than me. She was bigger than me also I make a point to say this but you will realize why later.
At that time I was living with Mom and Dad and I was 19 years old. I worked at Walmart at the time. I worked there before I met Tonya but met her while I was working there. While working at Wal-Mart I worked with a guy named Charlie. Charlie worked in the electronics department. Charlie was married to Samantha, she was a fiery red head. Tonya and Samantha were friends or more like sisters really. I think they are related somehow, maybe not though. They always called each other sister. I ended up moving in with Charlie and Samantha who also lived with Scott and Jessie. I had fun living with them but at the same time towards the end I didn't like living there. Charlie ended up keeping or trying to keep my stuff. Jessie let me in the house to get my stuff while Charlie was gone. He ended up turning out to be an asshole. We lived near Mary Baldwin College so we were close to downtown Staunton. One time Tonya got a parking ticket for parking the wrong way on the street in front of the house.

I ended up moving back in with Mom and dad after that. And I still was working at Wal-Mart. I worked there only a couple months. From August 2000 to December 2000. I quit before Christmas because Tonya wanted me to quit my job so I did. I was dumb to quit my job for her because Wal-Mart wasn't a bad job. I was just a cashier but I liked my job. Tonya and I ended up moving in with her mom. Her mom made us sleep apart which I didn't mind. Tonya kept me on an emotional rollercoaster. She was controlling and mean. We ended up getting an apartment thanks to her mom who paid for it.

I got a job at Sheetz. I started working at the Harrisonburg Sheetz and then they built the Sheetz in Staunton and I was transferred there. I didn't work there but about 3 months. The only thing I disliked about that job was making food in MTO. I don't remember a lot from Tonya and I'd relationship because I blocked out a lot. It was a toxic relationship. Tonya drank and she hung out with the wrong people. One night she was drinking and her friend Mikey was over there and a fight ended up ensuing and I ended up getting slammed against the wall, choked, and face was bruised and I had a black eye. All thanks to Tonya and her friend. One time Tonya picked me up from Sheetz in Harrisonburg and on the way home she stopped at the rest stop off the interstate and left me. She eventually came back for me. We had gotten into a fight and she got mad and left me. I was 19 and didn't have my license yet so I relied on her to take me to work. I also relied on my dad because several times he had to take me to work when I worked at the Sheetz in Staunton because Tonya wouldn't take me to work. She was being a bitch like she always was towards me. When Tonya assaulted me we ended up going to court because I went to the cops on her. After that I ended up moving back in with my parents because Tonya's mom and my mom said enough was enough. Especially because it got to the point where all we did was fight and argue. And I fought back eventually. We had bruises on us from our fighting. When I moved out mom went with me to get my stuff and Tonya's sister Tammy was there and she wouldn't let me get my stuff back. So I had to leave my stuff there because they wouldn't give it back to me. So I left my stuff behind because well Tammy was way taller and bigger than me and known to fight and I wasn't about to fight with her.

While I worked at Sheetz they had a Sheetz Day at Kings Dominion and Tonya and I went to it. I remember before we went Tonya stopped at the ATM and put blank pieces of paper in there as if she was depositing checks. She got $200 and we were on our way. We stayed the night down there and Tonya's mom called the next morning to tell us that the cops were looking for us because she stole $200 out of the ATM. Not to mention she stole items out of the hotel room. When I got back to work one day my Manager came up to me and said that someone from the hotel had called him and said I stole stuff from the hotel. I was like what the hell. I don't know how I was tracked down but I was getting the blame. I told my Manager I wasn't the one responsible. I didn't get in trouble thankfully. Tonya was a bad egg and I should have seen it.

You can't forget the time she wrote bad checks. We had a joint account so of course we both get the blame even though it wasn't my fault. I take responsibility for my actions but not when I am not to blame. Tonya and I had two friends Susan and Tara who wrote bad checks and they got away with it so I assume by her writing checks she would get away with it. Mind you I worked at Wal-Mart so they knew who I was. Tonya wrote bad checks everywhere even to Wal-Mart. And since my name was also on the check of course I get blamed. They threatened to call the cops. My mom and dad ended up paying for it so I wouldn't go to jail. My parents bailed me out a lot.

Tonya was a bad person to be with and she got me into a lot of trouble. One time we went to visit her father's grave and her sister and her boyfriend were with us. Mind you her sister was like 30 something dating a 16 year old. We had a dog and I stayed in the truck with the dog. Tonya and everyone got out and went into the gate to visit the grave. I never went in the gate and only got out to let the dog per. Gino her sisters boyfriend stole a leaf blower. The cops ended up being called about that. And it had been left in Tonya's truck. The cops came to our apartment and questioned us. I knew nothing about it and Tonya lied and wouldn't tell who stole it so they arrested us all. The charges ended up being dropped and the judge said I was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

So many close calls with her where I could have seriously gotten into trouble. I eventually got away from her thankfully. And life was better after that. Do you know Tonya never once worked the entire time we were together. She was lazy and didn't work the whole time we were together. She worked before we got together at some cleaning company.
After Tonya I ended up talking to a girl named Carol that I had gone to school with. This is where stuff got crazy in my life. Meeting Carol wasn't a mistake but we weren't meant to be. Yet another toxic relationship. The next chapter of my life is where my memory problems come from.

Tonya fucked up my credit, that is where it all began. My credit has not been good since but it is better than it was. She really fucked up my credit with all those bad checks and the phone bills and cable bills she put in my name. I am still pissed about that and my credit has not been the same since.

Writing My Book

So I wrote a 1000 words today in Chapter 1 of my book. I probably could have written more and may still add to it. 1000 words is pretty good, I think. I don't know though this would be my first book. So I have Chapter 1 written for now and may add to it. Never wrote the preface or introduction still need to do that but I will probably do that at the end possibly.

Breast Cancer Awareness

So I raised a total of $475.62 for Breast Cancer Awareness for the Augusta Blue Ridge Susan G Komen Foundation. I can't remember how much I raised last year.

Chapter 1 - My Book

Growing up I used to spend a lot of time on the internet. Back then everyone used Compuserve and Aol. And of course all we had was Dialup. We had a brand new Packerd Bell back then. I don't think they even make Packerd Bell anymore. And back then HP computers were known as Hewlett Packerd. I spent a lot of time chatting in chat rooms. I remember one chat room I liked to go in, it was a Haunted House Chat Room. I met this girl Ilana who lived in California, she was bisexual and had a boyfriend. We started chatting and she became my online girlfriend. She sent me pictures of her and we chatted a lot. She was older then me, she was 18 and I was 16. Mom and Dad found out about her and didn't like it. They were gonna take my internet privilages away. They said I was probably chatting to a man and I didn't know who I was chatting with. Which is true it could have been someone else but I was convinced otherwise. I was young and naive. I stopped talking to Ilana eventually because she said her boyfriend found out about us. After that I chatted with other girls online. I spent a lot of time on the computer. Hey at least I wasn't out getting in trouble or doing drugs.

The kids I hung out with in school were kids who lived in my neighborhood and they were younger then me. I didn't get along with kids in my grade. I think mostly because they were more mature then me and the younger kids were on the same maturity level as me. Or it could have been that the younger kids I hung out with accepted me being a lesbian and the kids in my grade didn't, they made fun of me and called me hurtful names. The kids in my grade weren't really my age either but they were still more mature then me. I got held back in second grade so I was always older then the kids in my grade. The group of kids I hung out with were in the grade below me and some were in my sister's grade and a couple were in grades lower than that. I always hung out with the younger kids. They accepted me and didn't care if I was gay or not. They liked who I was and my personality. Some of the kids who came in our group did drugs. I tried it once or twice but never got hooked or addicted to it. I had tried it because I didn't want them to think I was lame but after knowing they did drugs I decided not to hang out with them and they weren't really apart of our group because we didn't do drugs. My group of friends were skaters, goths and outcasts, writers, artists and poets but we all accepted each other.

My best friend was Karen but she was a grade above me and she graduated. Karen and I have been friends since elementary school. We first met on the school bus. Karen was the girl on the bus that never talked, she was very shy. One day i decided I was going to make her talk. So I kept talking to her and being goofy and trying to make her talk. Finally she started laughing at me cos I was being silly. After that we became friends. And I am glad that we are friends. She has been my best friend for over 13 years. Karen was like a sister to me, we did everything together. She used to go everywhere with my family. We would go shopping and go to the malls. We had so much fun as a kids. Things changed when we got older and Karen got married and moved away. Karen just recently in the past couple months got seperated and lives back here in Stuarts Draft with her parents. I went down there with my current partner and love of my life Jen. Jen and I went down there in her VW Bug and got Karen. Man we had the car packed. It was a tight squeeze. It is nice to have Karen back home. I am glad to have Karen home finally. We need to catch up on lost time that we missed. Karen lived in Georgia with her husband for so many yeara and I missed her. I am glad she's back because she seems happier now that she's home. She didn't seem happy living in Georgia. And I never really did like her husband at all.

So since Karen had graduated before me I hung out a lot with my other best friend Jennifer. Jennifer was gothic and she wore white makeup on her face and wore a dozen necklaces. People knew who she was in the neighborhood because she stood out. They would call her names like freak and it pissed me off. I didn't care what Jennifer looked like. I liked her personality and we got along great. We had a lot in common even though she was my sister's age. We were always hanging out and doing this or that together. Our parents talked and would always call each other to check on where we were at. We walked home from school together and we were always walking somewhere.

I miss those days of being a kid and having so much fun, oh the memories. If only I could go back to those days, I would be more appreciative of being a kid and spending time with my friends. I had a good childhood and I was truly blessed. I have great parents who gave me everything they could and sacrificed so much for my sister and I. My parents worked hard so my sister and I could have what we did. Every year before school my parents would take us out to get new clothes and school supplies. Dad would take us out to get brand new shoes. I always had Jordans or Nikes or Reeboks. I remember I had the shoes that pumped up, they were cool and in style back then. Oh and you can't forget the Starter Jackets. I had a Washington Redskins Starter Jacket and my sister Donica had an Atlanta Braves jacket. And do you remember Teddy Ruxpkin? I had one and I loved him. I think I still have him but he doesn't work like he used too. I wonder if they still sell him. They should bring him back cos kids these days would love to play with him. I had such a great childhood.

I used to give my toys away to kids in the neighborhood that didn't have much. I felt bad for them so I wanted them to have something too. I learned to be giving and grateful at a young age. I wasn't a selfish kid well maybe with my sister I was. I am glad and grateful I have a sister. It was nice growing up with my sister, we were inseperable. I love my sister, she has grown to be a fine young woman. She got married to a guy named Mike and they had a daughter named Kaylee. I love my Niece, she is so adorable and she acts just like me. Haha and I love it that she is like me. Donica doesn't like it so much because Kaylee can be a handful sometimes. My mom has a picture of me and I was sitting on the floor and I had pulled all the pots and pans out of the cabinet. Kaylee is famous for pulling all the canned goods out of the cabinet. Lol so like me.

In high school I didn't ever have a relationship with a girl because well there were no other lesbians in my school or around me. No relationship for me unless you count Ilana which was an online relationship. I talked to several girls online but none of them were as serious as Ilana that's why I don't remember them very well. I definitely don't remember names and can't really remember faces either even though I had pictures of them. I don't have those pictures anymore they were on floppy disks which I have no idea where those are. Probably some ex took them which pisses me off.
I hate when people steal my memories. They are mine not yours why the hell do you want them, they are nothing to you but everything to me. Through all my exes and our breakups I have lost so much stuff. Several have kept my stuff and wouldn't give it back others I just left the stuff because I didn't want to go back. I had some bad breakups.

I got my first job at the hospital while I was a junior in high school. I got it through some program for kids who had disabilities. So my first job was in housekeeping at the hospital. At first I liked it and I was happy to have a job. And it was nice to have my own money. Eventually I grew tired of the job. I didn't like cleaning up after others. Plus there's so many germs in a hospital and I wasn't trying to catch anything.

I had a good childhood growing up. My sister and I always got what we want even though my parents didn't celebrate holidays like Christmas we always got stuff all throughout the year. My parents weren't always Jehovah's Witnesses. When they first met they weren't but they met Betty and Charlie Fuquay which turned them towards being a Jehovah Witness and they were after that. Dad however is not currently a practicing Jehovah Witness. Then again Dad doesn't really go anywhere or leave the house at all. But Mom is still a Jehovah Witness. Dad is from Townsend, Tennessee and the reason he ended up in Waynesboro, Virginia is because he followed my Aunt Lorinda. Aunt Lorinda somehow came up this way, probably for nursing school and that is where she met my Uncle Phillip and settled down in Waynesboro. Dad probably came up here because of that. Dad and Mom met at the Hardees in Waynesboro. They said that was where their first date was. After that it was all said and done and they got married and Mom was told she couldn't have kids. But then she had me and it was a miracle and then she had Donica and she was even more surprised and happy. I am glad that she had Donica because I don't know what my life would have been like if I hadn't had a sister. I love my sister dearly. We have had our ups and downs but I love her.

In school my sister and I weren't allowed to participate in holiday activities that were going on because my parents being Jehovah's Witnesses so we had to sit out during those times. It didn't seem fair and at that time I didn't understand it I just knew I was being wronged. Now I guess I don't really understand it but it was a big deal to mom for us to not participate. I remember in fifth grade I wasn't allowed to participate in sex education class because mom was a Jehovah Witness and didn't allow me to participate in it. I didn't care at the time I don't guess  but I thought I was missing out on something. All the girls in class had been given tampons and pads and the boys had been given condoms. Now that I think about it I am kinda glad I didn't participate. I hadn't started my period at that time and I was in elementary school I believe that is a little too young to be handing out condoms and pads. I didn't start my period until I was in high school. And why would you hand out condoms to elementary school kids I mean really what the fuck is wrong with people. That's just like saying here you go here are condoms go practice safe sex. Elementary school kids shouldn't even be thinking about sex. The school system was apparently really screwed up. I never thought about it until now but they were promoting that shit back then I mean it is common for kids to have children at a young age now but not back then.

Mom used to buy me teen magazines like Bop and Big Bopper which later changed their name to BB. I used to hang the posters from the magazines on my wall. My walls were always covered with posters. I guess I wasn't always a lesbian. I had an infatuation with Macaulay Culkin and Leonardo DiCaprio.

We always went on great vacations when I was growing up. We were in Tennessee most summer's. Grandma Bean lived down there in Townsend. That's where my dad grew up. Grandpa Bean died one month after I was born so I don't really remember him obviously. Sonics never got to meet him but I did. Mom said he held me after I was born. Unfortunately I don't remember it though. I loved going down to Tennessee. That has always been my favorite place to go. I love Townsend, Tennessee. Jen and I go there a lot. Dad Hasn't been since we were kids. Townsend is a small town with not many people in the town. It's a small town with an IGA and a few other businesses. I love the fact that it's a small town. And you got Pigeon Forge and Maryville and Gatlinburg close by. We used to always go visit Dad's friends when we were in town. I had a best friend Jason that lived next door to us. His dad Tommy and my dad were best friends. Jason and I were always together and hanging out by the river. Tommy ran a campground down there and Jason and I were always running around the campground. We had such fun together. Sonics was with us also cos I could never leave my sister out.

One time I was on my little tricycle and Grandma's property was on the side of the mountain and I was riding downhill and lost control and couldn't stop and down the hill I went with Mom chasing after me because I was heading right towards the road.

Grandma Bean had the greatest garden. She loved to garden and she had the best icebox tomatoes. I remember I used to always eat those tomatoes and they were so good.

We went to Dollywood a lot as a kid. I loved Dollywood it was one of my favorite places to go. One time I saw Frieda Patton on stage singing. Frieda is Dolly's sister. I can't remember what she was singing but I have pictures of her on stage singing.

One year Dad took us all to Nashville. We stayed at the Opryland Hotel which is next to the Grand Ole Opry. One day when we were coming out of the hotel I saw Garth Brooks coming out of the Grand Ole Opry. Man I was all excited cos I loved Garth Brooks. The hotel was amazing. It was like a city in itself. It had restaurants and a bunch of shops. It was kinda like a mall but only a hotel. It had a Jack Daniels Restaurant. We ate at a restaurant that had a bar in the middle and the tables were around the bar. When you sit down you are spinning and by the time you get done eating you have spun all around the bar. It was incredible. The place was like no where else I had ever been. I look forward to going back there and staying one day. When we were in Nashville we went to the Opryland Theme Park. That was so awesome. I got to meet Bill Anderson and he gave me his autograph. I have a photo of him that he signed. There were so many famous musicians there but I don't know who they were.

Growing up I was always a Tomboy. I was like the son my dad never had. We played basketball together and Dad would take us all hiking and we would go camping on the Coal Road. We did a lot of outdoor activities. I had so much fun growing up.

Growing up as a Jehovah's Witness I spent a lot of time around other Jehovah's Witnesses kids. We had picnics that we went to and they held a lot of events and we went and ate dinner with some of the families. I was also.made to go door to door with them on Saturdays. And I was always dressed up in a little pink, white or blue dress with tights. I hate wearing dresses to this day. The last time I wore a dress was when I graduated from high school.

When I graduated from high school Will rode with us to graduation. I believe Karen was there and of course my family was there. I was happy to be graduating. And mom and dad was proud of me for graduating. Finally I had done it and I didn't think I would. I kinda wish I was a kid again because things were easier before I became an adult.

When I was younger one time I was spinning around in my room over and over and got dizzy and busted my knee open on my loft bed. I remember I was scared to tell mom because I was afraid I would get in trouble. My knee was gushing with blood. I got a towel and put it on my knee and it became covered in blood. And I had to get another towel but baby that point I went and told mom. My knee has hurt ever since that day both of my knees. I can't remember which knee it was though.