What's Been Going On

I've been out of the loop so to speak. Things have changed I'm sure I've last updated my blog. I've always been a writer, ever since I was a young kid & I have let my writing go to the wayside so I've decided to make sure I update my blog more often. When my dad was growing up, my Grandma Bean used to make him sit down every day & write in a journal. My Grandma was a teacher & my Grandpa was a CID(Central Intelligence Division) in the Army so my Grandma thought it was important to write. I think I got my love of writing from her, its in my blood, its my passion, my life. Writing is a part of my soul, its who I am. I'm a creative person, its part of my personality & who I am as a person. So, I've decided to write more often. Now onto what's been up with me.

Me & Jen are still together, its been almost a year (25 Dec 2010 - Present). I'm not sure if I mentioned that I have a job but yes I'm back working. I stopped working in 2007 because I started school & graduated in Web Design from school, but I'm back in the work field now & loving it. I like to work, it gives me something to do & I like making money, & it helps me feel independent. I've been at my job almost 3 months but for the life of me I cannot remember the month I started working there, it was during the summer I do remember that much. So I've just been working. I started off working 40 hours a week but then a guy was hired for 3rd shift so I started working 32 hours a week & started working mostly 2nd shift. Then at one point I was working some on my days off which I didn't mind, more money for me & more hours. Now I'm working 32 hours with 3 days off, which I don't mind. So once again, I'm back in the work world & loving it. Working gives me a sense of independence which I like. I've been doing good, however, the Winter is fast approaching & unfortunately I have Seasonal Depression yet it hasn't hit me yet or its already hit me & isn't as bad as it has been in the past. I still go to the Veteran's Hospital in Salem but now I see a psychiatrist at the new Staunton Veteran's Clinic that just opened which I don't mind because the dude I was seeing in Salem wasn't even a real shrink, he was like an intern or something like that & he left the hospital because his time was up. I think he was doing his residency or something like that. I have a woman shrink now & she seems okay but I've only seen her once so far but she seems okay. Finally I'm on Anxiety medicine that I've heard of & that works. Whatever the hell that shrink in Salem put me on didn't work, I don't even remember the name of it, I had never heard of it before. However, I haven't had to take any Anxiety medicine. I did have to get Jen to bring me my medicine to work a week ago, don't know if I had a panic attack or what, who knows, I don't. All I know is that I needed my Anxiety medicine & thankfully my new shrink put me on something that works & I took one when Jen brought them to me & I felt better.

It snowed here not long ago, it was near the end of October 2011. It snowed in the evening started at 5pm & continued snowing the whole night into the next morning, so almost 2 days straight. It didn't stop snowing. I drove my truck to work that night, it was on a Friday I think or a Saturday, I know it was a weekend that I worked 3rd shift. I never drive my truck to work because Jen's car is better on gas but I am glad that I drove my truck to work because that morning that I got off work around 7:30a it was sleeting & there were so many accidents that morning. Me & Jen happened to go to my parent's house that morning after I got off work & we went in my truck & we saw SUV's that had ran off the road & were in the ditch & 4 Wheel Drive trucks in the ditch. And some of my customers told me about other accidents that had happened. I didn't have to kick the 4 Wheel Drive on but I drove slow, people were driving normal speed past me, fucking idiots, that's how accidents are caused. People think they can drive normal speed & drive fast in bad weather, some of those people are the ones who have accidents. However, one of the people who we saw that had an accident & had ran into the ditch was not speeding, that woman had been going way under the speed limit. She must have hit a patch of ice or something & her vehicle went spinning & into the ditch she ended up.

Anyways, enough about snow, LOL. I so do not want anymore snow, not now anyway. That's what Christmas is for, snow can come around that time. I worked Halloween night, 2nd shift & I ended up working part of 3rd shift too. I worked 4pm to 4am that night, so a 12 hour shift, which I don't mind because I'm used to working 12 hours. Me & Cody happened to be in the store a little after 12:30am on Halloween night & we heard a strange noise which came from the area where the coffee machine was & it sounded like an old wooden oak desk scrapping against the floor, now we were in mid conversation when we heard the noise & we both stopped talking & looked at each other like WTF. A few minutes after that David came back & we told him about it & we looked in the office where the desk was & it hadn't moved, plus that desk isn't wooden anyway & also the noise didn't even come from the office. Either way, we heard the noise & no I'm not crazy because I'm not the only one that heard it, so its not like I was hearing stuff that no one else heard. Later on the three of us were talking & we continued to hear various noises. They had left & I was in the store by myself & I heard the door open as if someone was getting a drink from the cooler & I saw the cooler door closing, I went back to check it out & the door wasn't closed all the way. I thought to myself, WTF & closed it & went on about what I was doing. All in all, Halloween night at work was crazy LOL. I've heard that the store is haunted & I'm not the only one who's heard noises & had things happen that couldn't be explained. You can believe it or not, but if you go in the during the night you can see for yourself, if you hear an unexplained noise that you can make up your own mind whether its haunted or not.

Today is now Saturday & surprisingly I'm off work & I'm also off Sunday which isn't out of the ordinary because I've been off on Sundays for the past Month really, but hey I'm not complaining about being off, its nice actually. I'm starting to get tired so I'm going to change & lay down & hopefully I will quickly fall asleep. Yall have a good night. I will write more tomorrow. This is for now. Take care ~Bean~

Engaged, My Relationship, My love For Jen & How We Met Etc

Me & my girlfriend Jen Graves are engaged. I bought her a beautiful engagement ring today. She loves it which I am so glad of. She said it was the best piece of jewelry she's ever had & Jen has had a lot of jewelry in her lifetime. I'm so glad she likes it. I was aiming for an engagement ring that she would like & I gave it to her & she said it was beautiful & she loves it. Yay. I'm so happy. Jen makes me so very happy & I am so lucky to have her & so glad I have her in my life. She is definitely a gift from God. God put Jen in my life for a reason, not sure which exact reason that is but I know that there is a reason Jen was brought into my life & I am so glad she was. Me & Jen are so very happy together. We have been together for almost 9 months, it will be 9 months on 25 September 2011. We are going to go have an engagement dinner this Friday or this weekend unless I'm working in which case then we will have the engagement dinner the next time I'm off. Yep, me & Jen are going out to dinner at a nice restaurant, probably Outback Steakhouse because that is where Jen wanted to eat & we are going to celebrate our engagement. I'm so happy. I'm glad that Jen said yes when I asked her to marry me. I'm such a lucky person definitely. I am very lucky to have Jen in my life & I am even luckier that Jen chose me to be her spouse for the rest of her life. You just don't know how happy I am. I'm so very happy that I could jump for joy & Im very happy that Jen said yes that she will marry me, that makes me so very happy. Me & Jen have a great relationship. We have been together almost 9 months an we are still going strong to this very day. We never fight or argue which makes our relationship so great. We have unconditional love for each other. We always make each other laugh & smile & crack up. I act crazy because I am a crazy person hahaha & Jen acts a little crazy too which I love, I'm glad she's not completely normal because that would be no fun, its great that we both have craziness in us, its way more fun that way. Jen is such an amazing person all around. If you have ever met her or get the chance to meet her then you will know what I mean. If you are a friend of Jen's & she accepts you into her life then know this, you are a very lucky person because Jen has been hurt in the past & taken granted for & has been used & abused in the past & she doesn't trust very many people at all because of her past so if she has allowed you to be a part of her life then you are one of the lucky ones. I love Jen so very much & I try very hard to treat her as good as I can & I try very hard not to treat her the way all of her exes have which was horrible, none of her exes treated her any good & so I try very hard to be the opposite of them & I do believe that I have thus far done a good job at that. Me & Jen are very much in love & we always will be until the end of time & I don't care who likes that or not, if you have a problem with it then I don't care because I am going to forever continue to love Jen & be with her for the rest of our lives. Me & Jen are a perfect match, we are so good together. Me & Jen are definitely meant to be together. Like I said before, there was a reason that Me & Jen were brought together but I don't know what that exact reason is but I'm glad that we were brought together. I think this was our destiny, I do believe that we were meant to be together. An I also believe that Jen is the ONE, I truly believe that. Its like I had been searching 29 years of my life & finally Jen came into my life & it was like a missing piece of the puzzle was finally complete & everything just started fitting togeter & working out for me. My life has been much much better since Jen has come into my life & I am so happy & so gla & so lucky that she did come into my life, especially at the time that she did. We both came into each other's lives at a time when we both were having a rough time & we helped each other through it. Jen was married & still is but she is separated & she soon will get her seperation papers in the mail in like maybe a couple weeks or so & after she gets her seperation papers I do believe that she will be able to get divorced from her husband after that which she is so glad of & she is so ready to be divorced from him. I was married when Jen met me & I still am but my wife & I have been seperated since the end of November 2010 but I am new to the whole Gay Marriage thing & I don't think seperation works the same as it does with straight people so I doubt I will be getting seperation papers & neither will my wife. I'm not sure how it works, I'm not sure if I have to file for seperation or how that works but anyways I am looking forward to getting a divorce from my wife so me & Jen can get married. After both of our divorces go through & are final then we are going to get married & we can't wait for that day to come. After me & Jen both get divorced we are going out to dinner to celebrate our divorce from our spouses & that is definitely something to celebrate for sure. Me & Jen we like to go out to dinner with each other & spend time together if you couldn't already tell so we like to go out to dinner & celebrate & me & Jen always have something to celebrate because good things are happening to us. I know that me & Jen are going to have a good life together. I try very hard to provide for Jen & I work my ass off to get Jen everything she wants & needs. I hadn't worked since, hum, my last job was at Roses the department store & I worked there in late 2009 & I only worked there for maybe 2 months, it could have been longer. But before that job I hadn't worked in forever. My last lengthy job was at the Kangaroo Express which I worked at from 2004 to 2007 but I quit in 2007 because I started school at Woodrow Wilson Rehabilitation Center & I couldn't work & go to school because I went to school full time & did extra curricular activities & I just didn't have time for a job & go to school at the same time so I quit my job at the Kangaroo Express in April 2007 & started attending WWRC. I went to school at Woodrow Wilson Rehabilitation Center from August 2007 to March 2009. So I hadn't worked from April 2007 to November 2009 which in November 2009 I do believe that was around the time that I got the job at Rose's & like I said I didn't work there very long. So after I quit Roses I stopped working & was just living on my Veteran's Disability & hadn't worked since then until I got the job where I work at now which I started like 2 or 3 months ago. I've been working there almost 3 months. I think I started working at my current job in like August I think, at the beginning of August I do believe though it coul have been July when I started working there, I don't remember exactly. But anyways, my point is, I hadn't worked in forever & since I hadn't worked in forever I gave up on getting a job since I hadn't worked in so long. But then Jen & I got together & I still wasn't working when Jen & I got together but after her & her husband seperated then it was time for me to get a job so I could support me & Jen since we were living together. So Jen & her husband seperated & we lived off of her unemployment & my Veteran's Disability & I started looking for a job because I realized that we wouldn't be able to live on just her unemployment that she gets every week & my Veteran's Disability that I get every month. It just wasn't enough to live on so I started looking for a job in April & I was applying for all kinds of different jobs & Jen was applying at anywhere & everywhere too. We filled out so many applications online for different jobs. Me & Jen would be called for interviews & go to the interviews & think they went good but never hear anything back after our interviews. But we didn't give up & we continued to apply for jobs. The couple who was living next door to us moved out in about April or so & right after that a girl moved in there with her baby daughter. I greeted the new neighbor & struck up a conversation with her & realized that she was pretty cool & was going to be a good neighbor & she was very nice & close to me & Jen's age also. Me & Jen became friends with our new neighbor & every time I would be outside & my new neighbor would be outside also me & my new neighbor would strike up a conversation. Sometimes we would be outside talking for what it seemed like was hours even though it might not have been that long but it felt that long lol which I didn't mind because my new neighbor was pretty cool & I realized she was a good person to have a conversation with. Well, since my new neighbor & I became friends & we always talked & Had conversations, I happened to be talking to her one evening & told her how hard its been for me to get a job & that I've been looking for a job since April & have ha several interviews but never heard anything back ever after I had each interview & she told me that her Aunt was a manager & I had seen her Aunt outside her apartment when my neighbor was moving in next door so I knew what my neighbor's Aunt looked like because I had seen her once or twice when my neighbor was moving in & I ha said hi to her & my neighbor's Aunt seemed really nice & friendly. Well, my neighbor told me that her Aunt was hiring because the place her Aunt managed was about to go 24 hours. She told me where it was that her Aunt was manager of & told me to go fill out an application. I said thanks to my neighbor & I kept forgetting to go own & fill out the application. So the next time I saw my neighbor she asked me if I had gone down to fill the application out & that same day that she asked me I went down & filled out the application because if I hadn't done it that same day then I would have probably forgotten to go fill out the application. Well, I went down & filled out the application & it just so happened that the person who was working there at the time that I went to fill out the application was someone that I had worked with at a previous job. Since we knew each other we struck up a conversation while I was there filling out the application & my former co-worker she likes to talk, she can talk your ear off which I don't mind because I am the same way & can talk anyone's ear off, however I was there filling out the application & I was there for almost an hour, now normally it would not take you an hour to fill out an applcation, which it didn't take me an actual hour to fill out the application but I was there for almost an hour because we ha struck up a conversation & we were talking & w2hat has been going on since we had last seen each other. Well, I finally left after I finishe filling out the application & came home & later that evening I saw my neighbor & she asked if I had filled out the application & I told her that yes I had gone to fill out the application & I told her that I saw that my former co-worker happened to be working & that my former co-worker said she was going to put in a good word for me. My neighbor said that she was going to let her Aunt know who I was & that I was her neighbor & that I had filledo ut an application & that I really needed a job bad & that I was willing to work any hours that she needed me to work. So a day or so later I received a call from my neighbor's Aunt who was the Manager & she told me to come in & talk to her so I immediately went in & talked to her. I went & talked to her so it wasn't even like a job interview, when I went in to talk to my neighbor's Aunt, she told me about the job & what I would be doing & tol me about the company & told me about the benefits & gave me all sorts of information. WHen my neighbor's Aunt who was the Manager got done telling me everything she asked me if I was still interested in the job after all the information she had given me & I told her definitely. I told her I was definitely intereste din the job & that the job sounded great so my neighbor's Aunt had me fill out a paper for a background check & she gave me a paper for a drug test & tol me to take the paper to a place in Staunton that would give me a drug test. Well I signed the form for the background check & signed the paper for the Drug Test & I left there & went down to the place where I was going to be given the drug test, I went that very same day, I went to take my drug test right after I had left from talking to my neighbor's Aunt. I got to the medical place & gave the receptionist my paper so I could take my drug test & OMG I was freaking waiting forever there or so it seemed. I know I went up to the receptionist desk twice to ask how much longer it would be, when finally I was sitting there waiting & they finally called me back. I took my drug test & left & came home. I saw my neighbor that evening & told her all about me going to talk to her Aunt & told her how it went & told I was going to take the job & told her that her Aunt sent me to take a rug test & that I had went down to take my drug test & told her that now I just had to wait for my background check to come back & had to wait for my drug test to come back before I could start. I think it was like maybe 2 days later, my neighbor's Aunt who was the Manager, she called me & asked me when I wanted to started. I didn't realize I would be able to start that soon. I think everything came back on like a Thursday, yeah I think it was Thursday that my neighbor's Aunt had called me back & she asked me if I wanted to start Friday or if I just wanted to wait until Monday to start so I told her I wanted to wait until Monday to start. I told her Monday because for so many months I Had been so used to spending every day with Jen & being at home with her every day so I wanted to have one last weekend to spend with her before I started working. I spent the weekend with Jen hanging out & spending quality time with her & then I started working on Monday. It was a Monday in either July sometime or August. I later saw my neighbor after I had started working there & I told my neighbor thank you so much for helping me to get the job. My neighbor said she really didn't help me get the job & that I didn't need to thank her because all she did was tell me to go fill out an application but I just have a feeling that her being my next door neighbor might have helped me to get the job, maybe or maybe not, who knows. But I still thank her for getting me the job because I wouldn't have even known about the job if she hadn't told me about it & told me to go down there & fill out the application & if she hadn't kept reminding to go down & fill out the application. I thank her for getting me that job which I am still working at to this day. I love my job & I am very thankful to my neighbor that she told me about the job. I appreciate her so very much for telling me about the job because I was in desperate need of a job for sure. Anyways, back to my point of what I was saying, I hadn't worked in so many years because I was going to school & I was going through a crazy marriage & well I just hadn't workedin so many years & in a way had gotten adjusted to life without a job. But when Jen & I got together & I fell in love with her & it finally came to it being just me & her & we were both seperated & it came time for us to pay our bills & we realized that we couldn't just live on her unemployment & my Veteran's Disability then I worked my ass off trying to get a job & I finally did a get a job & I still have that job currently & I work hard & try to do my best & put all my effort & give it my all at work. I do what I can & try to work very hard. My boss knows whenever she needs me that all she has to do is call me & if she needs me to come in or needs someone to work that all she has to do is call me & she does call me if she ever needs someone to work or if someone calls in or whatever the case may be. I am glad that my boss knows & realizes that she can rely on me, plus I don't mind when she calls me & asks me to work because most of the time that puts me into overtime & overtime means more money for me & means a bigger paycheck which I always look forward to. So yeah, my point about working is, I hadn't workedin so long but I went back out into the workforce so I could support me & Jen & so me & Jen could have a good life together & so that we had money to survive on & money so that we could pay our bills. It has been a little rough because after Jen & Her husband seperated we were only relying on her unemployment check & my Veteran's Disability & Jen & I started having bills of our own that we were starting to pay own. Jen put the electric in her name & the electric company of course charged us a deposit which they said we could pay in monthly installments, I don't remember exactly how much the deposit was but since we had a deposit that we had to pay on including what we owed each month for our electric bill, that put us behind. There were times when it was rough & our bills did get behind but at this moment I can honestly say that I do believe that me & Jen are going to be okay. Having our bills get behind was rough & very stressful on us, more stressful on Jen then it was me because I make the money & Jen uses the money to pay the bills. I let Jen handle paying the bills because she is better at that stuff then me so I let her handle that part of it & so therefore since she looks at the bills & I don't & she see's what the amounts are of our bills & she realized we started getting behind that really stressed Jen out, which I don't blame her. It did stress me out a little but but I tried not to think about it because I knew if I did think about it too much that it would stress me out big time & Jen was already stressed out to the max & so I needed to strong for her & be there for her through the stressful time that we were going through. But its okay because I can honestly say that I do believe & I do think we will be okay. Everything seems to be working out for the best. Me & Jen have been very blessed since we've been together. We are both so lucky. We are lucky to have each other & we are both lucky to have such great families. Me & Jen have definitely been blessed that's for sure. I am so happy that finally after 30 years of my life I have finally found the one, the one who I'm going to be spending the rest of my life with. Finding the one is the greatest feeling in the world. It feels so good to know that the person whom you love so very much & care for so much & feel so strongly about feels the same about you. Its such a great feeling to know that Jen loves me as much as I love her. I can honestly say that I am very truly happy now, more so then I have ever been in my life & I have Jen to thank for that * I am so lucky that she came into my life & I am so glad to have her in my life. I'm lucky & I've been blessed. God works in mysterious ways that's for sure. Me & Jen don't go to church but we both believe in God because there has been many times when we have seen that God has been there for us & we have both seen God help us. God is definitely great & I am gla dthat GOd is a part of me & Jen's life. More & more every day me & Jen continue to be blessed & for that we are very lucky & me & Jen are both very appreciative of everything we have & everything we are given. I'm so glad that I found Jen. I first met Jen when I was like in middle school or high school. I used to go to Skatetown which is an inside skating arena/skating rink in Staunton. Yep, that's where I first laid eyes on Jen, however I was like in middle school I do believe & I would have been in my teens. Her & I talked when I knew her at skatetown but we didn't really become friends or anything, it was more like we were aquaintences, we saw each other at Skatetown when we were there skating & more or less just said hi to each other. Jen's mom(grandma) Nancy worked at Skatetown for years & I do believe that Nancy was working there at Skatetown when I first met Jen. Now that I think about it, I'm almost positive that it was when I was in middle school that I met Jen because I don't ever remember going to Skatetown when I was in high school. Yep, it had to of been in when me & Jen were in middle school when we met. ME & Jen didn't go to the same middle school however, the middle school's would always have skate night for each school at Skatetown & even if it was my middle school's skate night, Jen was probably there even though she didn't go to the same middle school as me but she was probably there skating too because her mom(grandma) Nancy worked there at the time. When I first saw Jen, like I said, I was in middle school. It had to of been, damn I don't know, it was before I knew I was a lesbian & it was before I started liking girls & it was before I came out of the closet as lesbian. But, I do remember thinking Jen was cute & at that time I thought she seemed nice because she had always said hi to me. However, I also do remember unfortunately thinking that Jen was kind of, as Jen would tell you, a "bitch". YES, Jen will tell you if you ask that when I first met her many many years ago that I thought she was a bitch & mean. In fact that is what I told Jen when her & I first got together. The reason I thought she was, as she says, "a bitch" was because she was very popular & she always had a corwd gathered around her & she was always hanging out in a group & well, really because she was popular & well I wasn't popular at all & didn't have that many friends really. I was far from being popular, I was more of an outsider, an outcast you could say. I had friends but not that many friends because a lot of people were mean to me & made fun of me & picked on me, so yeah, I wasn't popular. I wasn't popular like Jen, I was far from being as popular as Jen. I remember thinking that Jen must be a great person if so many people liked her & if so many people wanted to be around her & hang out with her. Anyways, after I got in high school I didn't go to Skatetown anymore & to be honest I haven't been to Skatetown since I was in middle school. Well, the years went by & I was dating a girl who just so happened to be friend's with Jen. Jen & my ex girlfriend's cousin were best friends. I remember meeting Jen again years later back in 2006 up on the Avenue (Greenville Avenue) as we call it. Me & my ex girlfriend were hanging out on the avenue when my exes cousin & Jen ride up & pull up next to us & get out to talk to us. My ex girlfriend's cousin introduces me to Jen & at that time I didn't put two & two together that Jen was the popular girl from Skatetown that I had talked to a couple times. I said hi to Jen when my ex GF's cousin introduced us & I remember thinking, damn that girl is hot. It was love at first sight for sure. I saw Jen & mmmm, damn. I thought at that time that I met her on the avenue that she was absolutely gorgeous & beautiful but I even though I had thought she was hot hot hot I didn't think anything about it anymore. I don't even remember if I had seen Jen anymore after that night that we hung out on the avenue. Well, the girl that I was dating at the time, well me & her relationship eventually ended & I ended up started dating a woman who is unfortunately my wife whom I'm trying to get a divorce from currently. Well while my wife & I were living together, I remember this was when I worked at Roses's. Jen somehow became my friend on Facebook, so Jen was on my Facebook friend's list when I worked at Rose's. Well one day I happened to get off work early for whatever reason that I cannot think of at the moment. And I was waiting on my wife to pick me up from work but she was taking forever & I think there was some delay or something of the sort & she wouldn't be there for awhile to pick me up because she was not in the area or something, I can't remember what it was. But anyways, so I got off work early at Rose's that day & I do believe that I ran out of cigarettes, well Jen offered to bring me cigarettes & she was going to bring me cigarettes but when Jen got around to texting me back that was about the time that my wife showed up to pick me up & my wife had brought me cigarettes so I texted Jen & told her that I didn't need her to bring me cigarettes anymore because my wife had gotten me cigarettes & I thanked for offering to buy me cigarettes & I thanked her for offering to bring me cigarettes to my work which was all the way down in Waynesboro & Jen lived in Staunton & she was willing to get me cigarettes & bring them all the way there to me. That was so sweet of her. I also remember that while I was living with my wife & Jen was on my Facebook friend's list that Jen had posted status messages & she seemed really upset & seemed depressed & seemed to be going through a rough time & I remember writing comments on a lot of her status messages telling her to cheer up & that I hope things get better soon & that I am there for her if she needs someone to talk to & that I am there for her if she needs anything. Another thing that I remember about while I was living with my wife & i ha recently became friends with Jen on Facebook at that time was that Jen had posted a status message about not having cigarettes & I offered to bring her cigarettes since she had run out & was unable to get any cigarettes. I don't remember why but for some reason I never did take her any cigarettes because I can't remember exactly what she said but I do believe that the reason I never ended up going to take her cigarettes was because she said, "No that's okay, you don't have to bring me cigarettes, that's sweet of you for offering but that's okay, thanks for offering" or something to that effect. I offered to bring her cigarettes that night because she had offered to bring me cigarettes before & even though I ended up not needing her to bring me cigarettes she had still offered to bring me cigarettes which was very sweet of her so I thought I would return the favor. So yeah, Jen ended up being on my Facebook friend's list since, hum, damn, let's see, I don't think I got a Facebook profile until like hum, I think it was like 2009 or so. I don't think I got a Facebook profile until after I left Woodrow Wilson Rehabilitation Center which was in March 2009. I took Web Design at WWRC & in class I of course used a computer & was able to get on the internet but at that time Facebook wasn't popular even though it was out already but it wasn't popular at that time so I never got on it. At the time that I was attending WWRC, Myspace was what was popular & Myspace is what everyone used at the time. Myspace ended up becoming blah & boring & not used very much in 2009 sometime. I started using Facebook after I graduated from WWRC which was in March 2009. I remember after I graduated from WWRC I moved back in with my parents & I had two Facebook profiles at the time & I would always constantly be on Facebook playing Facebook games such as Farmville & Cafe World. I played those games because really, I had just graduated & didn't have a job & really didn't have much else to do & didn't have anything else to occupy my time. Anyways. So yeah, I started using Facebook in 2009 sometime, can't remember exactly when in 2009 but I do remember that it was 2009 because it was after I graduated from WWRC which was in March 2009. I remember when I first started using Facebook which was in 2009 that I was obsessed with playing the games on there, yep, I was an obsessed Facebook gamer at that time. LOL. Anyways, back to my point of what I was saying, Jen ended up being on my Facebook friend's list, she was on my friend's list on the Facebook profile that I used the most. Around that time I had two Facebook profiles & really only used one. The Facebook profile that I used the most just happened to be my 2nd Facebook profile, it was the 2nd Facebook profile that I had created. The first Facebook profile that I had created I didn't use very much & I remember that I only created that profile because when I created that first Facebook profile, Facebook had just came out but it wasn't very popular at the time. So yeah, Jen was on my Facebook friend's list on my 2nd Facebook profile. Jen & I always talked on Facebook but we weren't that close at that time. Me & Jen got close after my wife & I separated & I had moved back in with my parents. A month after my ex & I sepearted & I moved back in with my parents, that is when me & Jen really started talking & we got close, shoot, it might not have even been a month after I moved back in with my parents LOL. Me & Jen didn't get close & talk a lot until after I was sepearated though, just for your info, because my damn wife apparently has tol people that I left her for Jen which so was not the case because after her & I seperated me & Jen weren't even close & didn't even really talk that much at all. Me & Jen started talking about a month after I moved back in with my parents & that is when we started getting close & when we started talking back & forth on Facebook. Me & Jen would chat all the time on Facebook chat, we would chat for hours, all night sometimes. And eventually we weren't jsut chatting & talking on Facebook, we started hanging out & meeting up & spending time together & we got very close & yep, we fell in love. I can honestly say it was love at first sight, definitely. Anyways, to make a long story short, that's really how me & Jen met & how we became closer & that's how we became what we are today. You know, I remember the first time I saw Jen(as an adult), we first met & I first saw her years later & we met up in the JC Penny's parking lot. I happened to be in the mall with my best friend of 17+ years Karen. Me & Karen were shopping in JC Penny's because Karen had a gift card for JC Penny's. Jen happened to call while me & Karen were in JC Penny's & she wanted to meet up with me, now min you, I hadn't seen Jen in years, we had only talked on Facebook but hadn't seen each other in forever & we had never hung out with each other. Well, Jen pulled up in the parking lot at JC Penny's & at first I couldn't find where she was parked because, well for one I didn't know what kind of vehicle she drove. I ended up finding that she was drove a Camaro & ended up finding her in the parking lot. Me & Karen walked up to Jen's car & Jen & I started talking. I leaned in through the driver side window so I coul talk to Jen better because she was driving. And BOOM, damn, when I leaned into the window & looked into her beautiful blue eyes & saw her beautiful smile & adorable dimples that was it for me, I was done for. Yep, it was love at first sight & that day when I met up with her at JC Penny's is the day I fell in love with her & I've been in love with her since. Me & Jen have been together ever since then. We fell in love & it was love at first sight & we have been inseperable ever since then. When we first dating it was a little rough because we were dealing with our spouses & that was a lot of drama & a lot of craziness & other things happened that was a little crazy & stressful but all in all, we ended up pulling through & getting through all those rough times because our love was strong enough to get us through it all & we have been together ever since. I'm truly blessed & truly lucky to have Jen in my life. I couldn't be any happier right now, well, maybe I could I don't know but right at this moment I am the happiest that I have ever been & I know Jen is too. We are so very much in love with each other. Jen tells me all the time how much she loves me & she tells me all the time how lucky she is to have me, which I love & she is so sweet & its great because I feel the same way about her. Me & Jen are definitely meant to be together. There has been many times when I would be talking & Jen has finished my sentence & there has been many times when Jen would be talking & I would finish her sentence. We know each other so well & we know what the other one is thinking & we are able to finish each other's sentences. Its like me & Jen are connected, its like we are one, what she feels I feel & vice versa. There are so many reason & signs that me & Jen are meant to be together, so many that I can't count them all. I have definitely found the one & I know that Jen is the one, Jen is the one for me. Jen is the one I'm going to spend the rest of my life with. Damn, wow, I seem to have written a book tus far, holy crap. I think I've been sitting here writing this for about an hour, maybe its been less time then that or maybe it has been longer than that, who knows. Anyways, so yeah, I have just been sitting here for what seems forever, for what seems hours, just sitting here rambling on & writing about how much I love Jen & writing all about Jen & writing all about me & Jen's relationship & yeah its been pretty much all about Jen. Shit, Jen is my world, she is my everything. I absoultely love her so very much & adore the shit out of her. She means so very much to me & I don't even want to think about ever being without her, I hope that day never comes. Yep, its all about Jen, she is everything to me, she means so very much to me. Jen this & Jen that, LOL. I could go on for days & days, even months & months, probably years & years talking all about Jen & about our relationship & about how much I love her & about how much she means to me. I'm so very in love with Jen. I've never been in love like this before. Never have I ever loved anyone the way I love Jen, NEVER! Anyways, it is 12:45am now & Jen is currently asleep in the recliner. Yep, Jen fell asleep in the recliner. Poor thing, yall should see the way she is sleeping, ow, her neck is so probably going to hurt her when she wakes up. She is like, sitting up in the recliner but at the same time she is like leaned over & her neck & hanging over shoulder & she is passed the hell out. One of the cats just made a noise with a bowl in the kitchen & it was freakin lou & Jen didn't even wake up, she is obviously & clearly that passed out. Then again, Jen hasn't slept since, hum, I think it is Sunday. Yeah, I think it was last Sunday when Jen last slept, but then again it could have been before Sunday when she last slept. Let's just say that it has been almost a week that Jen has gone without sleep. I'm thinking she hasn't slept because she hasn't been tired or hasn't been able to sleep or it could be that she's had bad restless leg syndrome which causes her to be unable to sleep at all. Well, either way, she is asleep & passed the hell out right now. She is getting much needed sleep that's for sure. She looks so beautiful when she sleeps, she looks like an angel when she sleeps, she is an angel though, an angel sent down from God. She is so adorable when she is sleeping. I don't think I have a picture of her sleeping unfortunately. She would get mad if I took a pic of her sleeping & uploaded it to Facebook LOL. She has to approve any & all pictures that I take of her that I decide to upload on Facebook, she doesn't want any bad pictures of her being put on Facebook, then again, some pictures that she thinks are a bad pic of her happen to be pics that I think are good pics of her, but unfortunately even though I think they are good pics of her & think she looks beautiful in them she unfortunately thinks they are bad pics of her & she thinks she looks ugly & horrible in them & really in my opinion they really are not bad pics of her at all. Jen is the type of person that doesn't think she is beautiful or hot or anything like that, even though I tell her everyday how beautiful & hot & gorgeous she is, yet, she doesn't believe me, she doesn't think she's beautiful or anything like that. She is absolutely beautiful in my opinion though. Jen is the most beautiful girl ever, even though she doesn't see it that way. Oh well. So yeah, anyways, I guess I am going to end this long ass rant/blog/journal entry that has now become a book or a novel as many would say. LOL. Hope yall enjoyed reading, if not oh well, I wrote it anyway & if you didn't like reading it then I don't care, if you didn't like reading it or whatever else then you didn't & you don't have to read it. If noboy likes reading the rants/novels/books that I write then ya on't have to read it, ya don't have to read what I write. I don't care whether you like it or not because either way I am still going to write it. Oh yeah, I almost forgot, if you want to see a picture of the engagement ring that I bought Jen then go to this link, it is a link to the picture of the engagement ring that I uploaded to my Facebook profile, http://upload.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10150391131771271&set=a.175872861270.160317.729966270&type=1&theater
Anyways, I'm done now ranting & rambling & writing a book & done writing a novel. I'm through. The End!!!

Great-Grandmother Killed Over Video Game

This is absolutely ridiculous. What is wrong with kids these days? Are the parents to blame for the way these kids actions? Seems to me that these kids are apparently not being raised right or if the parents of these kids are trying to raise their children right then it could be that these are rebellious children/teens that have estrayed & are too hard to handle. Hey I do have to give some parents credit, they really do try to raise their kids right yet their children go down the wrong path. But still most people are going to first blame the parents whether its their faults or not. I can't believe this 15-year-old is accused of killing his great-grandmother. Well, let me rephrase what I just said. I CAN believe that this 15-year-old is accused of killing his great-grandmother over a video game. I just can't believe that this 15-year-old would actually kill his great-grandmother over a video game. This just goes to show how today's youth is. One guy kills a kitten over a video game & now a 15-year-old is killing his great-grandmother over a video game. Is there something we're missing here? Could video games to be blamed for what is happening here? I wonder. I DID have that thought in my head, it DID cross my mind. What has happened to today's youth? Why have today's youth resulted in murder over a video game? And what kind of video games are these kids murdering over? Could they be playing a violent game? I ask that question surprisingly because not normally would I blame anything on a "violent" video game but could this really be what is to blame? Or are video games not to blame for these murders and only these children are the ones to blame? I would like someone to give me their opinion of what they think it is. I used to never think that a violent video game could be to blame but now I am starting to change the way I am thinking. I really want to know what video games these 2 children were playing that resulted in them committing murder. Its good that this 15-year-old will stand trial as an adult because really that is how he should stand trial. Obviously since he is a 15-year-old he clearly knew what he was doing & he is old enough to think for himself & make his own decisions. Definitely a good thing that he will stand trial as an adult because that is how he should stand trial because he has to learn a lesson. Then again, maybe he is too young right now to learn a lesson. I can't say that I think he didn't know what he was doing because he is 15 years old and clearly he knew what he was doing because is old enough to know right from wrong and obviously this was wrong but he did it anyway. I haven't read the rest of this news story only the first part so it should be interesting to see what the rest of the news story has to say.

According to the news story, a family friend said the teen was angry that he was told to stop playing the video game, Halo. Now I used to be a huge video gamer when I was in my early 20's but now that I'm 30 I don't play much video games but if I am correct, isn't Halo a violent game? I think I will Google the video game Halo real quick to see what type of video game this is. This is what I found when I searched for what the game Halo was all about. It said the Halo series has been praised as being amongst the best first-person shooters on a video game console. Halo being amongst the best first-person shooters to me sounds like Halo is clearly a first-person shooting game. Hence, its one person playing the game & that player is shooting hence, killing. So basically its a killing game where you shoot an alien, a person etc. & kill them. Yeah, okay so with that said, I do stand with what I said earlier when I said my opinion of violent video games possibly being a factor in these children & teens behavior. First of all, this 15-year-old teen was angry that he was told to stop playing the video game. Okay so he was angry that he was told to stop playing it but this didn't mean that he had to resort to violence much less murder. That right there makes me think this teen had anger issues apparently. I know many teens are angry & rebellious at that age but killing your great-grandmother because you've become angry because you were told to turn the video game off? That's no excuse if you ask me. Clearly this teen should have been seeking psychiatric treatment for anger issues & maybe other issues. Also, he didn't just murder his great-grandmother which is really the worst of it, he also used a 34 to 36 inch sword to cut his grandmother. Now once again, he was told to turn off the video game Halo & this made the teen become angry & he resulted to violence by cutting his grandmother & he resulted to murder by killing his great-grandmother. Does anyone else see what is wrong with this situation? I wonder if this could have been prevented? I wonder if there were warning signs that something like this was going to happen. In most cases that you've heard about over the years in the news, there has been warning signs just no one paid close enough attention to those warning signs. Like I said before, my opinion that these violent games can be a factor as to why a child or teen acts the way they do still stands. I still agree that they could be a contributing factor to the behavior of these children & teens. Its just like the Columbine Massacre, where playing violent video games were to blame & listening to a certain kind of music was to blame. I don't blame music in this particular situation but I do blame the game Halo which from what I read sounds to be a violent video game in which you murder/kill/shoot something, probably someone, I do feel that the video game might be party blamed for the way the teen acted. Its like this, a teen plays a game like this over & over & plays it constantly & all the time & they become wrapped up in it & there brain starts thinking a certain way. They start thinking as if they are a part of the video game or in the video game. Does that make any sense? I mean this is not what I am saying that I think, but I am trying to make sense of all this. And I'm guessing this is the scenario if the video game Halo is to blame. I mean if video games are to blame for these teens & children's behavior then well, I'm trying to make sense of it & figure it all out. I wonder if any studies have actually shown that video games could be a contributing factor in a situation like this. Normally I wouldn't be one to blame a violent video game in fact in 2000 when music & video games were blamed for what happened at Columbine I just really laughed it off & said that it was crap because those two were not to blame but I am really starting to wonder if they really might be to blame. I mean really we don't know what goes on in these kids minds, so we can't really say or not & even if you asked one of these kids that question I'm not even sure they would give you the answer that you're looking for. Okay, so there is more to the news story so I will read on.

Okay so the next sentence in the news story stated that this attack marks the third time that deputies have encountered the teen. So this tells you right here that yes there were warning signs & no this wasn't the first incident concerning this teen. So the deputies knew already about this teen's behavior because this was not the first time that the deputies had encountered the teen but this was actually the third time. I hate to say it but, they always say third time is a charm, or 3 strikes & you're out. According to Sheriff Phil Miller, on two previous occasions, the teen was sent to a hospital to be mentally evaluated & then turned over to Juvenile Justice. But both times, Miller says, the boy was released, despite his violent history. Well, you know really all I got to say about that is whoever it is that released the boy is the one at fault. So they DID know of his violent history and he WAS sent to a hospital to be mentally evaluated, yet nothing was done after he was mentally evaluated & then he was turned over to Juvenile Justice but both times the boy was released even though they knew about his violent history. So maybe my opinion has changed about the violent video game maybe contributing to his behavior but maybe not. I think I still do believe that the video game possibly had something to do with his behavior or it just added to his violent behavior. Really if a violent person plays a violent game then that is only going to make that person worse & more violent in my opinion. I am just in shock right now that there were actually 2 incidents before this one & even though he was mentally evaluated & sent to Juvenile Justice that he was just released. YEP, I blame whoever it was that let this boy go. OBVIOUSLY there had been signs that he was violent & yet they did nothing about it or either ignored the warning signs. YES, I do believe now that this tragic incident definitely could have been prevented yet it wasn't prevented. You would think after the Columbine Massacre & the many events that followed that by teens across the nation that people would have started paying closer attention to teens & the way they act & their violent behaviors. All I can do is shake my head & really point fingers. I mean this is definitely a situation to point fingers because fingers do need to  be pointed & the responsible individuals need to take blame for not preventing this from happening. Its ridiculous that this happened & that they boy was released even after they need about his past. I'm just shocked & can't believe this happened because it so could have been prevented. And with this happening would this cause other responsible people to pay closer attention to violent teens like this? I doubt it. I don't think this is going to make the people who are responsible start paying attention to these teens, I just don't think this is going to make them start paying attention because if something like this would make them start paying attention then for God's Sake the Columbine Massacre that happened in 2000 would have been the cause for these responsible people to open their eyes & start paying attention but look, years later & more incidents like this are still happening even though all the warning signs were there right in front of them. I do believe there is more to the news story, so let's read on shall we.
Sheriff Miller said that it seemed like to him that somebody may not be doing what they could do, or may be dropping the ball somewhere in the system. And I would totally have to agree with Sheriff Miller, somebody just may not be but they ARE NOT doing what they could be & what they should be doing. They are NOT doing their job because if they were this incident would have been prevented & it would have never happened & this 15-year-old teen's great-grandmother would still be alive today.Sheriff Miller said that someone else was recently killed by a mentally ill person who slipped through the cracks. And these mentally ill people apparently keep slipping through the cracks & I wonder & have to ask, how many more will slip through the cracks before something is done about this? I bet no one can answer that question. Sheriff Miller said someone else was killed by a mental ill person that had slipped through the cracks & on July 22nd, a deputy shot a man who was described as schizophrenic after the he used a knife to kill a man. So this is NOT the ONLY incident where a mentally ill person slipped through the cracks as Sheriff Miller said. Yet another example that this teen was NOT the only one whose warning signs were ignored as you see because this man described as schizophrenic killed a man even though the warning signs were there. Why is the warning signs there but the people responsible are ignoring them? What is wrong with these people? So many warning signs were there & even the teen's mother cried out for help many, many times to many, many different places & obviously didn't get the help she asked for. It is clear her cries for help went unheard because if her cries for help had been heard then this incident would have NEVER taken place. How much longer does tragic incidents like this have to go on before people start paying attention & doing what needs to be done to prevent incidents like this?

http://www.wsbtv.com/news/28885316/detail.html

I’m Still Alive LOL

I’m still alive. Haven’t posted in awhile. I’ll be posting more soon.

May 24th More Madness Of An Bipolar Schizophrenic Insomniac

I still have not been to sleep yet. I didn’t go to sleep last night & was up all day today & I am still up now & have not gone to sleep yet tonight and I will probably be up all night too. I just don’t feel like going to sleep. I do have sleeping pills that my doctor prescribed me to help me sleep though, but I just don’t want to take them tonight & didn’t want to take them last night. I do take them sometimes though, because sometimes I just really do feel like going to sleep that way all the madness can stop in my brain. When the really crazy madness starts in my brain I go to sleep. And I am talking about the really crazy madness that gets to the point where it irritates me & aggravates me & drives me crazy, yeah that really crazy madness. When it gets like that I’m like okay leave me alone because I am going to sleep because I have to go to sleep to stop the crazy madness. LOL. Yep yep. It has gotten like that a couple times in the past two weeks. And if you are asking, yes I have been taking my medicine. Shit, I know I need my medicine and trust me I do want to take it. Sometimes however I do forget to take it. But I don’t forget for long that I have forgotten to take it because I can tell that I have forgotten to take it & I am quick to take it to make everything much much better.

Come to the dark side.. we have cookies! Welcome to the dark side, are you surprised we lied about having cookies? Yeah, I don't give out cookies. I just give out a dose of craziness, madness, pure and total insaneness, you are sure to lose your mind after you have come to my dark side.

Jen L Graves would you like to come to the dark side? If I said we had cookies on the dark side I would be lying. But you are sure to get a dose of crazy, pure insane, madness. You come to the dark side & you will be eventually humming & singing along with the rest of us to the song "Take Me Away To The Funny Farm".

is not going into the enchanted forest with the pink fairies and the neon green polka dot monkeys that are searching for the unicorns because I will be down in the fiery pits of hell trying to take over & most likely ending up slaughtering Satan with a machete or a pitchfork or an ax or the biggest damn knife I can find. Anyone want to come? You can help me take over Hell.

Damnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn, don't EVER piss off my girlfriend, that would be a big mistake & might possibly lead to your death LOL....my girlfriend Jen L Gravesjust went the hell off on PayPal in an email, she told them EXACTLY what the hell she thought. They made the mistake of pissing her off when she's in a bad mood & has not had any sleep in days. I'm proud of her.

OK, let me get something straight here ... You're calling me crazy, mentally challenged, fruit loop, completely mad, mentally unstable, insane, off my rocker, wacko, and mentally unbalanced like it's a BAD THING?

is sitting in a corner watching my imaginary friends fight the shadows on the wall, they are fighting over which Marilyn Manson song gets played next & I do believe my imaginary friends won cos they've stabbed to death the shadows on the wall because blood is dripping down the wall. Ohhhh how exciting, gotta love a little blood & gore every now & then.

Okay call me crazy, mentally unstable, insane, mad, mentally challenged, off my rocker, & mentally unbalanced if you want but if you don't stop I'm going to send the dead people that I see & my imaginary friends after you to attack you. They will get you for sure. You SHOULD be scared, you will be scared after they get a hold of you!!

For all the people who like to poke me, I have currently lost my mind & I have gone to look for it. I am not sure when I will be back or if I will be back ever. Keep on poking me but I won't be here to poke you back. So sorry. Have currently lost my mind & have to go look for it, not sure if I will ever find it but it will be an adventure looking for it.

Ahhhhh cat hair every where. My hands are sweating & the cat hair is sticking to my damn hands. Ahhh, I'm going to go crazy. Ugh, its going to get on my face & then I will start twitching & itching. I'll try to ignore it right now. OMG, so many pussies every where, hair is uh flying every where. Oh well, I have already gone crazy, it will just make me crazier. LOL.

Someone suggested next time you're in Walmart wear a plastic crown & get someone to push you around in a cart & wave but you would totally look like a dumbass if you did that, I suggest go to the electronics & set all the clocks alarm to a certain time & then go hide & wait for them all to go off at once & listen to loud chiming sound & watch the chaos as the salesperson tries to get them all turned off. LMFAO.

‎Christy Rockwell Leath You know, I had totally forgotten that you were on my friend's list still because I hadn't seen any updates in my news feed from you & hadn't seen you make any comments or pokes or likes from you, you were like hiding as if you had disappeared. And then all of a sudden out of nowhere you appear. LOL.

I'll tell you like I told Kathryn Spivey. I'm crazy. Why would I want to be normal? That is just no fun & there is no excitement in life to being normal. I tried being normal once but it didn't work out so well for me. So I decided to go back to being crazy. Ever since then life has been pretty exciting & a whole lot less boring then being normal was.

I love you Jen L Graves, and I know you love me even though I am a crazy, insane, bipolar, schizophrenic insomniac. LOL. But, we fit together so perfectly.

I'm sane enough to know the consequences but insane enough to do it!

I have Adhd, Schizophrenia, Borderline personality disorder, Obsessive–compulsive disorder, Bipolar disorder, and Paranoid schizophrenia. Its not like I'm going to hide it. Its sometimes hard to hide anyway. Everyone already thinks I am crazy & insane & yet most people still seem to love me anyway. LOL.

people always ask me "Do you know what you are" & I always say "Yep, I'm crazy, funny, with a pinch of insane & just happen to have Adhd, Schizophrenia,Borderline personality disorder, Obsessive–compulsive disorder, Bipolar disorder, and Paranoid schizophrenia but everyone loves me anyway"

4 out of 5 voices are telling me to do it. The other one is yelling at me in German! Just because my dad was born in Ulm, Germany does not mean that I can speak German or understand German. Damn you voice, speak in ENGLISH!!!

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAAHAHHAAHAHHAH AAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH and for your information i am only a little crazy and insane

That awkward moment when you're sitting in your toilet cubical minding your own business and BAM the dead people & your imaginary friends busts in trying to sell you weed...

Tell me why one of the suggestions on the right side of the screen that is "related to my post" said pink fairies? Hum, I don't ever recall writing anything about pink fairies, ever. They seriously have the "Related To Your Post" words messed up. Never would I write about pink fairies. Idiots.

‎Facebook must be messed up tonight. It said I had one new message in my inbox & I went to it & there was no new messages in my inbox. Facebook needs to stop lying to me. LOL. I don't have any new messages. Maybe they are trying to make me think I am going crazy. Hum, yeah, that is a good possibility.

HAHA. I just have to LMFAO because that last status I posted was about Facebook messing up. However, it now says on the right side of the screen "Related To Your Post" is Coca-Cola & Justin Bieber. Seriously, re-read my message, I didn't mention either one in that status message. Facebooks words that are related to my post is definitely wrong.

I'm that crazy lesbian that will drive u insane ...but you will love every minute of it!!!

I love "me" so much, my doctor gave me a nice jacket that helps me hug myself!

well yesterday was another hard day, my imaginary friends were running with scissors towards the dead people that I see whom were running towards my imaginary friends with machetes, & the voices in my head where fighting with themselves & I just couldn't get no peace & quiet, & I'm still missing my helmet & crayons

I'm going to start listening to the voices in my head. Be afraid. Be very afraid. lol

They say that when you dream about somebody, they went to sleep thinking about you. Quick! everybody think about me and we will have a big party in my dreams!!

One of the voices called me weird, so I started cussing it out in English, British English, Redneckology, American Slang and Ebonics.

I do believe that the cats think the recliner is a trampoline because all day they were jumping back and forth on it & constantly knocking off the ash tray on Jen L Graves lap & kept knocking her mouse onto the floor. This of course irritated Jen, shit, it would irritate me to if the ash tray got dumped in my lap & if the mouse kept getting thrown on the floor.

Who the hell would want to be sane? They don't prescribe drugs for that!

Psycho is just another way of saying "adorable with knives". And oh how I do love my knife collection.

STAGES OF INSANITY:
1. Talks to self
2. Argues with self
3. Loses argument with self
4. Is no longer talking with self
Yep I have gone through all these stages and when I am done with number 4 I move on and
1. Have a conversation with my cats
2. Arguing with the cats
3. Losing an argument with the cats
4. No longer having a conversation with the cats.

I have multiple personalities, can you figure out which one I am right now?

The voices in my head were arguing again, they been arguing all day, so I told them that if they didn't shut up I was gonna shove cotton balls in my ears.

Sometimes things are better left unsaid, sometimes it is better not to talk about some things. Of course I am not sure I know what those things that should be left unsaid are sometimes. And sometimes it is better not to talk about some things but some times I don't know what those things are. BUT, sometimes I do know what things should be left unsaid & I know when it is better not to talk about some things.

is busy zoning out. please leave a brief message & one of my personalities will get back to you as soon as possible. thanks again & have a great day! BEEEEEEEEP

Just for the record, I would NEVER hide anything from my girlfriend Jen L Graves. I tell her EVERYTHING & I plan on telling her anything & everything. I have no secrets from her & never have.

Some things I just don't like talking about. Some things are in the past & I don't like bringing them up. Some things are just better left in the past. Just saying.

I'm now kind of in a blah mood. Yeah blah.

Time for me to leave the world of Facebook for awhile. I need a break from it before my head explodes.

 

And then I got off Facebook. I figured it was time to get off of Facebook. I wasn’t exactly done posting messages and being my crazy self but my mood had totally got ruined by a certain someone. And then other things made it worse. Now I’m not in my crazy, funny, insane kind of mood anymore. My mood got totally ruined real quick. I tried not to let it be ruined but well, I lost that battle for sure. Oh well. It got ruined anyway. Well, now at this point I feel like I have caused problems. OR, no no no I got it, maybe “I” am the problem. I mean, the problems did finally leave, and they were thought to be gone, but then a whole bunch more problems took their place. This is probably because I am the problem. Yeah, maybe I am the problem.

May 24th Ramblings Of A Crazy Insomniac

I'm back Facebook. I figured I would get back on here. I have nothing else to do. No one else to talk to or ramble too. SO, maybe I will post status messages, maybe not. Not sure I really have anything to say right now. Hum, that might be a first for me.

Don't threaten me with a trip to the psych ward, they give you free drugs and a pretty white coat that makes you hug yourself... sounds good to me, how bout you?

May 24th started at 12am & it didn't start off bad at all. Everything was going good & pretty much normal except for me being my normal crazy self but come 4:30am or 5am everything suddenly went downhill & this day became completely shitty.

Crazy people don't know they are crazy, I know I am crazy so therefore I am not crazy, Isn't that crazy? Yeah, that is just crazy.

I've lost my mind. I know it's around here somewhere but to be completely honest I'm not looking for it terribly hard. Finding it would do me no good right now anyway.

I am running from the men in the white coats, who insist i escaped a facility. I don't know why I am running from them, they will probably give me that nice comfy jacket that lets me hug myself.

I'm glad there's music playing right now because if I had to sit in silence I would go crazy, or I would drive myself crazy. In which case, I would do either 2 things. I would go to sleep OR I would say fuck it & I would leave the house. Glad I am not having to sit in silence right now because I would totally go crazy. Even though I am kind of sitting in silence. You are sitting in silence if no one is talking.

There is a fine line between genius and insanity. I am not quite a genius and not quite insane so I must be very smart or very crazy

My imaginary friends had a talk with the voices in my head, who consulted with the dead people who follow me, they have agreed that we don't like you!!!!!!!!!!

People make fun of me for being crazy, they're just jealous because the voices in my head talk to me & not them & they are jealous they don't have dead people following them around & they are jealous they don't have imaginary friends.

It's a beautiful day, I think I'll skip my meds and stir things up a bit. Oh wait, I already have. I am always causing "PROBLEMS". Well, guess I have always been a troublemaker. LOL. OR, I could be the "PROBLEM". Oh well, I have already stirred things up for today. Guess my work is done here.

If someone has MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES and their SUICIDAL, wouldn't it be considered as a HOSTAGE SITUATION?

Something tells me that this day isn't going to go as planned. Hum. I could be wrong but I doubt it. Yep, I think plans for the day have completely changed. Oh well, I can find something to get into I'm sure.

It's time to raise your glass to the loony, crazy people in your life that with their actions make you look sane.

Oh yeah, I just noticed. I am now sitting in complete silence. Oh I feel it coming on. Yep, I will definitely go insane or drive myself crazy. I see me going out of the house very shortly or in the near future.

The key to a HAPPY life is focusing your attention on the things you love, imagining you already have what you desire and being truly grateful for what you have

I got out of the house. That definitely helped. This day might not be so bad after all. As long as I don't fall asleep or anything. I can't be sleeping the day away. Fuck that.

Seriously, how the hell is my puppy Bella STILL hyper? She has been hyper ALL night, literally. And she has been running around all over the place with our cat Lilly. They are best buds & like to play but good lord, there is a time to finally calm down. They don't know when that time is though. I think its never, well, really, it is never.

IF YOU HAVE A SISTER WHO HAS MADE YOU LAUGH, STUCK UP FOR YOU, DROVE YOU CRAZY, HUGGED YOU, WATCHED YOU SUCCEED, SAW YOU FAIL, PICKED YOU BACK UP, CHEERED YOU ON, MADE YOU STRONG, AND IS SOMEONE YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT & SOMEONE YOU CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON...... RE-POST THIS IF YOU HAVE A SISTER YOU LOVE! ♥

Did ya ever meet those people that make ya think ..You're just a fun little lollipop triple-dipped in psycho, aren't ya? I'm one of those people. I don't mind being one of those people, I am proud to be one of those people.

I'm not insane!!! I am voluntarily indifferent to conventional rationality. Besides, I like being mentally unbalanced, mentally challenged, and mentally unstable sometimes. At least I know I'm not normal, I'm a whole lot more fun.

I have been awake for 2 days. I've had insomnia & haven't been tired & just haven't felt like going to sleep. Yeah, I'm hyper right now.

WARNING 2 NEW FRIENDS: I have bipolar, ADHD, Paranoid Schizophrenia, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, & Schizophrenia, so I'm a lil crazy, a lil insane, sometimes mentally unbalanced & mentally unstable & I post crazy statuses. After knowing all that now, you can decide whether you still want to be on my friends list. If not, then feel free to delete me. I don't care. Your choice.

WARNING 2 NEWLY ACCEPTED FRIENDS: I post a LOT of status messages. If this bothers you then feel free to delete me. If you get annoyed by all my statuses in your news feed then you can either hide my posts or feel free to delete me. Just thought I would warn you now because I'm currently in the mood to post status messages. You've been warned. So be prepared.

Oh BTW, if you don't like anything I say or anything I post then feel free to delete me that way it saves me time from deleting you. This is MY Facebook & I will write what I want when I want. Also if you don't like my opinions then once again, feel free to delete me.

I think after today my amount of friends just might go down. Especially after the amount of status messages I'm going to post. LOL. I'm in a status message posting kind of mood. If this bothers you, well, you know what to do. DELETE! But oh well, I don't care. You either love me or hate me, it is your choice. I've been this way my whole life. I've always been pretty much crazy & a little off my rocker.

By the way, some of the stuff I post might not make any sense to you but hey, sometimes I don't always make sense.

I keep forgetting that sometimes I'm walking on egg shells around some people. Damn, I got to remember that. It keeps slipping my mind. Shit, half the time I can't remember anything anyway.

Unicorns and Glitter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Who doesn't love unicorns and glitter? Shiiiiit.

The other day we had a bad thunderstorm. It was pouring down rain. And it was thundering all loud but I loved it because I love the sound of thunder. To me that sound is soothing & calming & relaxing, at least to me it is. I just love thunderstorms & its even better when its lightning too.

The other day when we had the bad thunderstorm I was hoping that the electricity didn't go out but you know it, of course it did. It went out for like a minute & came back on but don't you know it fucked up our internet. Thank God the internet was only down for like 5 minutes. I would probably die without the internet.

If yall haven't heard of the website Listia then you should totally check it out. You get free stuff on the website & you can give away free stuff you don't want. Everything is FREE. You can get some really fucking cool stuff on that site. Almost anything that you can imagine is on Listia. http://www.listia.com/

Give & Get Free Stuff - Listia.com Auctions

www.listia.com

Listia is an auction site for Free Stuff where you bid on other people's items using credits instead of real money. We make it easy for users to get rid of stuff they don't need anymore and find stuff they want for free. Listia is a marketplace where people enjoy giving and getting items for free.

On Listia you get credits & the more credits you have the more free stuff you can get. You can earn credits in so many different ways, by listing an auction, by commenting on auctions, by linking your Facebook & Twitter accounts & more. Seriously go check out the website http://www.listia.com/

Give & Get Free Stuff - Listia.com Auctions

www.listia.com

Listia is an auction site for Free Stuff where you bid on other people's items using credits instead of real money. We make it easy for users to get rid of stuff they don't need anymore and find stuff they want for free. Listia is a marketplace where people enjoy giving and getting items for free.

Yes, if you are asking yourself have I been up all night and not been to sleep then the answer is yes. I am not the only one though. Jen L Graves has been awake all night too. LOL. Sometimes we just don't sleep because we are not tired.

If a friend lies to me, I don't like it, but it doesn't mean I'm going 2 stop bein their friend. I give people chances. If they lie to me once I give them another chance, lie 2 me twice & I just might rethink our friendship. All friendships have fights & issues & if the friendship is strong enough or worth fighting for then you get over it & don't hold grudges & you forgive.

I'm NOT 2 faced, never will b. If I got somethin 2 say I say it 2 ur face, not behind ur back. If u don't like the way I am or how I handle my friendships then u dont have 2 b my friend. Im not goin 2 stop bein some1's friend jus cos you stopped bein their friend. Thats not how I work. So if u have a problem wit that, u can take ur bullshit else where cos Im not dealin wit it!!!!

I hate being rushed. I try to get my shit straight before I walk out the door. Normally this doesn't happen cos I always forget something. I hope I can start getting it all together before I walk out the door because I hate being rushed out the door. I don't like being rushed with anything I do. I hate being rushed, so warning, don't ever try to rush me!!!

I hate wasting time. The past couple weeks I had been wasting my time and wasting time doing things. Don't want to waste my time anymore. I got too much to do to waste my time doing things that don't need to be done. And I end up wasting my time on things that don't need to be done. It has gotten a little better though. Not as bad as it was, I think I'm getting better. Thank God cos I hate wasting time.

Everything happens for a reason but sometimes I wonder what the reason is for some things that happen.

Why aren't some things in my life going the way I want them to? Why can't things go right for me the way I want them too? Damnit. Maybe this is some kind of punishment for something I have done. Who knows. Maybe this is karma. I hope not. Because Karma taking revenge on you is always a bad thing & ends up really biting you in the ass.

Damn, I'm all hyper today & wound up. And in a talkative mood & in a status message posting kind of mood. Lol. Can u tell? Lol

I took a slight break from status message posting as I left the house to go get some stuff. But I am back now. Oh yeah, I bet yall are just so happy to hear that. LOL.

Today started off good then ended up getting bad, hoped it would get better. Didn't think it would. But it has definitely gotten better. I am back in my happy place now.

I will go ahead & admit it, sometimes I jump to conclusions. I shouldn't, but I do. Sorry. Just how I am. One of my faults I guess. I will try my hardest not to jump to conclusions. I said I will try, can't guarantee anything. I doubt I will achieve this but all I can do is try.

I will always explain myself & my actions, well, almost always. Sometimes I don't need to explain myself or my actions, they should be self explanatory. However, there is a reason for everything I do, almost always a reason for everything that I do, that I can think of. Yeah, almost always. Can't think of a time there wasn't a reason for something I did. Um, yeah, don't think there has been a time.

Sometimes it takes awhile to realize who your true friends are. Those are the ones who always stick by you. The ones who are always there for you. The ones who listen to what you have to say & give advice. The ones who always stick up for you & have your back. True friends don't ignore you & they don't stop talking to you & they don't act like you don't exist. That is my definition anyway.

Sometimes you might think I ask too many questions. I'm sorry if I do this around you & it annoys you. Obviously I ask questions because I want to know the answer. If I ask you questions its because I think you're smart & know the answer to my question. And that's my explanation to why I ask so many questions.

I wonder about people, I question their motives. I wished people were as blunt & as honest as me. If you're my friend, I ask for honesty. Is that too much to ask? I don't think so. I think every friend wants honesty in a friendship. If you're my friend, be honest, even if it upsets me, hurts me or pisses me off. If you're a true friend & our friendship is important enough & strong enough then we can work through it.

If you got something to say about me then have the balls & say it to my face. Don't go talk shit behind my back because I'll eventually find out, I almost always do. Just say it to my face, speak your mind.

Got something to say about me, then say it to my face. Don't act like you're talking about someone else when you're really talking about me because I'm not stupid, I know you're talking about me. Say it to my face. I won't get mad. I like people who speak their mind & say it to my face, this shows me you're not a coward.

I've been thinking about a lot lately. Lots of things have been running through my mind. Not bad things. Just thinking about different things that I haven't taken the time to really think about before. Glad I have had the time recently to think about these things.

I think in a way I am kind of addicted to Listia. I love this website. I think I might be addicted. LOL. Maybe not as addicted as Jen L Graves. LOL. Just kidding baby. Its a fun website. Just like Ebay but a whole lot better & all items on Listia are FREE!!!! http://www.listia.com/

Give & Get Free Stuff - Listia.com Auctions

www.listia.com

Listia is an auction site for Free Stuff where you bid on other people's items using credits instead of real money. We make it easy for users to get rid of stuff they don't need anymore and find stuff they want for free. Listia is a marketplace where people enjoy giving and getting items for free.

YOU DON'T LOOK SICK!!! No I don't. It's hard to explain to someone when they have no clue. It's a daily struggle feeling sick on the inside while you look fine on the outside. Please put this as your status if you or someone you know has an invisible illness (Anxiety, Bi-Polar, P.T.S.D., LUPUS, Fibromyalgia, Crohns, Diabetes, Arthritis, Chronic Back Pain, Epilepsy, MS, Depression, Schizophrenia). Don't Judge!

I have been very talkative lately. All I want to do is talk because I have lots to say. I have been talking non stop at certain times. Not to mention the fact that I have been posting a million status messages. Its just because I have a lot to say. I've just been way too talkative. LOL.

Honestly, I stopped caring what people thought about me. I didn't really care before what people thought about me & I definitely don't care now what people think of me. With that said, if you read any of my statuses & think I'm crazy then, I just might be crazy. Of course, that would be your opinion. You can think what you want about me. I'm not exactly crazy but I'm not exactly normal either.

I had a conversation with my cat, only to stop to realize what I was doing. I stopped myself cos I realized I was having a conversation with my cat like I would have with an actual person. I thought I actually had lost it. At the time, I didn't think it seemed very normal to have a conversation with a cat. But now, I think maybe it is normal to talk to your cat, even if you are having a conversation with it. LOL.

I hate some of the FB Event invites I get. I read ALL the info on the events. Some info just absolutely makes no sense at all. Words in the info are misspelled or they have improper grammar. Anyone who creates a FB Event needs to seriously read the info they write to make sure it makes sense & they need to check their grammar & spelling before posting the event. Its not that hard, pretty simple really.

I have not slept since I don't know when and I don't plan on sleeping any time soon at all. I am not one bit tired, I am not even close to being tired, not even a little bit, not even the slightest bit.

I always end up having such a problem wording things right & correctly by my standards. This sucks for me because that means when I'm writing something it takes me so much longer to actually put all the words together & in the right place. That's why it takes me so long to reply to comments. That & the fact that I end up writing a book.

Damn, seriously some things take me way too long to do. Even though they shouldn't take me as long as they do.

A friend sent me a forwarded text message that said the world is supposed to end on May 21st. Wow, really? That's the first I had heard about it. Well, sorry that is incorrect because the world hasn't ended & I'm still alive.

Does anyone know why everyone was talking about the world ending on May 21st? Who all of a sudden said that the world was going to end on May 21st? Was it on the news or something? And why was the world supposed to end on May 21st? I've always heard that the world is going to end in 2012. Does anyone know the answer to this or know where I can find out the answer to this? I'm just curious is all.

‎5 DEADLY TERMS USED BY A WOMAN :
(1) FINE -this is the word women use to end an argument when they know they are RIGHT & YOU need to SHUT UP.
(2) NOTHING -means SOMETHING & u need to be WORRIED
(3) GO AHEAD -this is a dare not permission DO NOT DO IT.
(4) WHATEVER -is a woman's way of saying F**K YOU.
(5) THAT'S OK -she is thinking long & hard on HOW & WHEN you will pay for your mistake.

Did I ever mention how much I dislike the Westboro Baptist Church? YES, I dislike them. They're a church that teaches & spreads hate. They even teach their children to hate & have their children singing songs titled "God Hates The World". Children as young as 1 & 2 years old are being taught to hate. If you learn more about them you will think they are much like a cult. I see them as a cult.

I could go on forever about Westboro Baptist Church. I've done research on them. Even though they're a church, they're very much like a cult. I've done LOTS of research on them & watched many YouTube videos about them. Before I knew what they were all about, they interested me so I did research on them. But now that I know what they are all about & what they stand for, I have come to dislike the group.

I'll probably be putting up more items for auction on my Listia profile. Go check out what I got up for auction & bid on them if you're interested & want them. I auction everything from t-shirts to baseball cards to DVDS to tools & much much more. All the items I put up for auction are FREE!! http://www.listia.com/profile/447567

Give & Get Free Stuff - Listia.com Auctions

www.listia.com

Listia is an auction site for Free Stuff where you bid on other people's items using credits instead of real money. We make it easy for users to get rid of stuff they don't need anymore and find stuff they want for free. Listia is a marketplace where people enjoy giving and getting items for free.

Flooding seems to be the big problem for many people all around the United States. I must say that I am actually glad that our area hasn't gotten any flooding. We have gotten rain but not any flooding that I know of. I feel bad for those people across the US that have gotten flooding though.

I see the soul as the center of my existence.

I posted blogs on Jen L Graves Blogger about items she had listed for auction onListia. Trying to help her get more credits. Not every item of her's is shown on Blogger, only a couple items so you could get an idea of what kind of stuff she has up for auction. http://msjengraves-jensblog.blogspot.com/

Jen's Blog

msjengraves-jensblog.blogspot.com

Jen L Graves & I have been up for 2 days. We're both cranky & irritable. Our animals are working our last nerves. They're either running all over the house, fighting, or getting into something. Jen & I have very little patience right now. They've been like this since last night. We just want them to calm down & take a break. I hope they do settle down eventually.

I would like to note that the status message about me & Jen L Graves not sleeping for 2 days took me more then 5 minutes to write. I had a hard time wording it right & I had a hard time putting the words in the right place & I kept going back & re-reading it to make sure it sounded right. This irritates the shit out of me. It shouldn't take like 10 minutes to write a status message. Ugh.

I just wanted to say that I love Jen L Graves so very much, even if she doesn't always believe me when I tell her. She means so very much to me. I wish I could show her how much she means to me & how much I love her. I hope one day she realizes how much I love her & how much she means to me. She is my everything, my world, my reason for existence.

And, for the record, NO, Jen L Graves & I have not yet been to sleep. Don't feel like going to sleep. We have been up for like 2 days or something. It all started off with insomnia & after that it seems that insomnia never disappeared.

If you're asking yourself if I have gone to sleep yet then the answer is NO. I have not been to sleep at all. Been up for like 2 days or something. Got to love insomnia, of course until it makes you become delirious. I have not gotten to that point yet, I don't think.

9 out of 10 voices in my head say i am insane, the tenth is having a case of ADHD & isn't quite paying attention because it is too busy arguing with the dead people that follow me around.

The evil demons under my bed argued with the monsters in my closet until the voices in my head made them stop...WHAT A NIGHT

I think I would know if i was insane! My cats would have told me by now if I was. They tell me everything you know. I talk to them a lot. I talk to them when I have no one else to talk to. I have conversations with them to. Here's a secret: They actually talk back to me. They don't think I'm insane, they told me so.

Slight irregularities in my personality are NOT to be considered flaws, but show that I am hand-made & of the highest quality. Yes I'm a little weirder, stranger, & mentally unbalanced then most but I like to just say I am unique and special.

Yes, I talk to myself...YES, I answer myself...Yes, I might be insane, BUT, at least my answers are NEVER wrong! And thankfully, I have never gotten in an argument with myself. I am already confused enough & if I got in an argument with myself I would be even more confused, not to mention the headache I would have.

Tried to go to my happy place earlier but ended up having a case of Adhd & I got totally distracted then forgot what I was doing & then ended up getting lost and ended up here on Facebook. Oh well at least yall know me here.

i'm insane in the membrane Jen L Graves

I went to apply for a job at a mental asylum & they told me I have to spend 5 hours with a crazy person. I told them that I've spent 30 years with myself & don't you know, they handed me an application to fill out & asked when I'd like to do an interview.

OK, let me get something straight here ... You're calling me crazy, mentally challenged, mentally unstable, insane, & mentally unbalanced like it's a BAD THING?

I'm sitting in a corner watching my imaginary friends fight the shadows on the wall. I do believe my imaginary friends won cos they've stabbed to death the shadows on the wall because blood is dripping down the wall. Ohhhh how exciting, I love blood and gore.

Okay call me crazy, mentally unstable, insane, mad, mentally challenged, off my rocker, & mentally unbalanced if you want but if you don't stop I'm going to send the dead people that follow me & my imaginary friends after you to teach you a lesson. They have very sharp knives & they like to stab people. You SHOULD be scared, you will be scared after they get a hold of you!!

4 out of 5 voices are telling me to do it. The other one is yelling at me in German! Just because my dad was born in Ulm, Germany does not mean that I can speak German or understand German. Damn you voice, speak in ENGLISH!!!

Well today was another hard day, my imaginary friends were running with very long sharp knives towards the dead people that follow me who had machetes & they started stabbing each other & of course blood & guts went all over the place & the voices in my head were fighting with themselves & I just couldn't get no peace & quiet, & I'm still missing my helmet & crayons.

One of the voices called me weird, so I started cussing at in German. This surprised me. I didn't even know I spoke German.

I'm medicated for your protection & safety!!!!!

Psycho is just another way of saying "adorable with knives". And oh how I do love my knife collection. I like to stab things. My favorite thing to stab is my voodoo doll.

STAGES OF INSANITY:
1. Talks to self
2. Argues with self
3. Loses argument with self
4. Is no longer talking with self
Hummmm, I do all these things now. I'm currently going through the stages of insanity.

The voices in my head were arguing again, they been arguing all day, so I told them that if they didn't shut the hell up & give me some peace & quiet that I was gonna shove cotton balls in my ears so I couldn't hear them anymore.

I'm not insane!!! I am voluntarily indifferent to conventional rationality. Besides, I like being mentally unbalanced, mentally challenged, and mentally unstable sometimes. At least I know I'm not normal, I'm a whole lot more fun.

Okay, maybe I'm done posting status messages. Well, really, when am I ever really done posting status messages? I haven't slept in days, I am hyper & I've had lots of Mountain Dew, tons of caffeine & sugar all day long. LOL. I am talking non stop & just can't seem to shut up. LOL. But I don't want to shut up anyway, I have lots to say.

You know, I was thinking about it & I should come up with my own status shuffle because I come up with way better status messages then they have on there & my status messages are way more entertaining & more realistic & more true.

All the status messages I posted were all true by the way. I DO hear voices & dead people DO actually follow me around. Kind of scary isn't it? LOL. Hey what can I say? I have Schizophrenia, I'm bound to be a little crazy & insane.

I've been neglecting Listia all day, so its time to click over to the tab at the top of my screen that has Listia on it & see what's going on over there. I'm sure I'll have tons of emails & comments. This means I'm taking a break from posting statuses. Damn, I thought I just heard people cheering. Maybe I'm hearing things or it could be the voices in my head arguing again.