Thoughts

My girlfriend cried tonight in front of me & her mom & dad...so i'm not writing this for anyone else. I'm writing this for myself. So i will know my thoughts. That way i can remember them. So, my baby is about to sing to me. I'm so in love with her. Did i mention that? Her mom wanted her to sing so she started to sing. Now she's singing. Kareoke. Lol. She is a good singer. She is so sweet. I'm so in love with her, I think I already mentioned that. She makes me so happy. I got out of school, went home, then i went to her house. Spent a little time with her. Was going to do homework for my other school, but yeah, i have ADHD, and i was going over her house so i decided fuck my homework. I can't fucking concentrate anyway. If I was back on my ADHD medicine then I would be ok. But since I am loser and I don't have a job, I can quite get medicine, because once again to clarify this, since I'm a loser and don't have a job, I don't have health insurance. And since my mental age, is that of a teenager, well I can't quite function. Sometimes I hate being stupid. It really sucks. I hate being immature. I hate being me sometimes. A lot of the time actually. I hate it. I can't sleep because I have no sleeping pills left because I don't got no money, no job, i suck. I'm such a loser. I wish things were different. Everyone thinks I'm this really self confident person and shit like that, but I'm not. I'm really not. I may seem that way on the outside. But really, on the inside, I'm this insecure, scared, little boi. I don't know what I would do without my parents. I don't even want to think about that. Because when I do, it scares me, and it makes me just want to cry. I hate my life sometimes. Maybe I'll go on food stamps since I don't have a job. Because I am a fucking bum. I guess that is all I'll ever be. I guess I'm like Ronnie now. Don't got a job and just bum on other people. Even he has a job now. Anyways, I am frustrated with myself right now so I am going to end this blog. That is all for now. Goodnight. I'm going to try to go to sleep now. Goodnight to all, and sweet dreams. Baby if you read this, I love you. I love you so much. Don't ever fucking forget that.
~homie G~

i hate fake ass people

i hate fake ass people who act like they are your friends, or they kiss your ass, but then talk shit about you behind your back. i hate fake ass people, i really do. i hate people who are your friends and then get a girlfriend or boyfriend and then dont even talk to you. yeah jennifer and karen im talking about you two in particular and others. jennifer and karen used to be my two best friends but where are they now? fuck em, for real, fuck em........im much better without them in my life, they are fucking fake........fuck them.....i fucking hate fake ass people......

Homophobia is fuckin WRONG!!!

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn't have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the adolescent boy who committed suicide because my priest told me I would be better off dead than a sinner.

I am another adolescent boy who was molested for years by a priest who said God hates homosexuals, but I never told anyone because the priest convinced me it was my fault.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

Repost this if you believe homophobia is wrong.

Just Thinkin

Just Thinkin

I can't stop thinkin about her. She's intelligent, totally beautiful, and so fun to be with that she actually makes me forget the rest of my life is falling apart-its like she's so full of energy that it's contagious. But she has a quiet side too. There's something vulnerable about her that makes me want to get to know her even more. She give me butterflies in my stomach, she makes my heart skip a beat, and makes me smile. I don't want it to end. I feel a connection with her. I guess the only thing to do is ask her out. I'm just thinkin.

I Wonder

I Wonder

If a girl kisses you and then runs away, is that good or bad? It could mean she thinks it was a mistake and wants to forget it ever happened. Then again, maybe she was so blown away by the kiss that she didn't know what else to do. I'm hoping for number two, but she is sometimes hard to read that i have no way of knowing. But at the same time, I can read her so well. So the next question is, do i ask her about it? I don't know, I wonder.

Love, & Life, leaves a bad taste in my mouth....

Ever hear the expression "damned if you do, damned if you don't"? It's the dilemma of being repulsed by something and attracted to it at the same time. Like coffee. People drink it for the taste, the buzz, the sensation of holding a warm mug in their chubby little hands, or even because sipping the stuff makes them feel intellectual. Some people can't even begin their days without it. But then there's the downside. Caffeine headaches when they don't get enough, yellowed teeth if they drink too much. It's a turn-on and an aggravation all at once. Sort of like how Julie is to me.

Your Silence

Your Silence

I sit in your silence, scared
waiting patiently for recognition

For a word
For a breath
For a touch

But I am raw

Because i watch your hands instead
of writing
And listen for your breath instead
of breathing

It's strange
how close to you i feel

And the need i have
to help you,
to make me smile

And yet, I'm still sitting here,
waiting,
for you to let me