Monday, October 25, 2010

Self Assessment

Aptitudes

My current best aptitudes (abilities) are:
Computers, leading others, internet, technology

My weakest aptitudes are:
Handling children, cleaning

The easiest things for me to learn are:
computers, anything about technology, cash registers

 

Interests

My highest areas are:
Computers, being in charge of things, Internet

My lowest areas are:
Children, cleaning, reading

The vocational interest I want to pursue now is:
Criminal Justice or Web Design or anything with computers

 

Values

My highest values are toward:
loyalty, honesty, respect, integrity, selfless service

My lowest values are toward:
materialism

My set of values suits me well for these jobs (types of jobs):
Cashier, Customer Service, Retail, Business

 

Attitudes

I basically feel ________________ about myself. This should affect my work in the following way(s):
I feel proud of myself and my accomplishments. It should help me in my work more because what I have accomplished has made me a better person.

I feel best about:

I feel worst about:

My feelings toward other people are:
I am fine with other people as long as they aren’t mean to me or diss me because I am gay.

This should affect my work in the following way(s):
None of this should affect my work in a bad way. I am prepared to handle anyone in any situation.

My feelings about having a job are:
I want a job that I can be happy with. One I can work at for a long time.

My feelings about supervisors are:
I try to do my best so my supervisors recognize my accomplishments. I have no problems with supervisors.

 

Expectations

I tend to see (myself, other things) as being in control of what happens to me. The good thing about this is:
I am able to control what happens around me most of the time.

But the bad thing is:
I realize I can’t control everything around me and this bothers me.

My current job goal seems realistic because:
I have set a goal for a job that I will love doing and that I will work at for a long time.

 

Appearance

I want a job where I dress:
Business casual or in khakis

My appearance causes other people to see me as:
Not very professional sometimes. I like to wear jeans a lot.

To improve the way I look, I need to:
Buy more khakis and more business casual attire.

 

Health

The only health problem(s) I have is (are):
I don’t have any health problems except for being aenemic.

These will affect my work:
My health problem will not affect my work as long as I take my iron supplements.

Before going to work I need to do _______________ about my health:
Need to do nothing except make sure I take my pills.

The things about my job that might negatively affect my health are:
Stress

 

Mobility

The way I plan to get job interviews and to work is:
Is by driving my truck

My backup plan is:
If my truck breaks down I can use my wife’s truck

Getting someplace consistently and on time is:
Not a problem for me at all. I like to be super early for things.

When I get a job, I will need help in:
I probably won’t need help at all except for being trained.

 

Interpersonal Skills

I have ______ friends and find that I make friends _______:
many and make friends easily

The major problem I have getting along with other people on the job is:
I don’t have a problem getting along with people

On the job, I like to work:
It doesn’t matter, alone, with others. I can do either.

I do (not) like being responsible for other people because:
I don’t mind being responsible for others

I like interacting with people best when:
I am at work because that is when I get to interact with others outside of my home. And I am a people person.

 

Work History

The jobs I have performed most successfully in the past were:
Alcoa Home Exteriors and Kangaroo Express

The longest I’ve held a job is:
About 3 years

On the job I have a reputation as:
Being a good employee and working hard.

Based on my experience, other jobs I could do are:
Retail, Cashiering, Customer Service, Administrative Assistant, Secretary

When an employer sees my work history, he/she will probably think:
Why I had so many different jobs and why I never stuck with them.

 

Functional Skills

When working, the major problems I have away from the job are:
Staying focused, staying with the task at hand

I could really use some help in:
Staying focused but I know as long as I take my medicine staying focused shouldn’t be too much of a problem.

James Prindle, 15, Charged With Raping & Beating His 23-Month-Old Stepsister

James Prindle was babysitting his little stepsister along with two friends -- 12-year-old Micah Scheulin and his brother Noah Scheulin, 14 -- at his Memphis apartment. He told police that a masked robber broke into the apartment to steal his video game console...
But before the bad guy left, he also beat Prindle's 23-month-stepsister on the head and raped her.
Police, however, became immediately suspicious of the story. Noah Scheulin said the robber was white. Pindle said he was black. There was no sign of forced entry, and it appears that someone gave the little girl a bath before police arrived to get rid of evidence, which is normally not a robberly thing to do.
There were also signs that the boys are congenital shitbags. At age 14, Noah had already racked up charges for auto theft, assault, vandalism and disorderly conduct. 12-Year-old Micah has previous charges for assault and possession.
There were further indications that the girl had been held down while she was raped. She suffered serious head trauma and was released after spending a week in the hospital.
Now Prindle, who has no previous record, is being tried as an adult for rape, child abuse, and false reporting. Noah is being charged with facilitation of rape and child abuse. Due to a lack of evidence, all charges against Micah have been dropped.

Efe Moniedafe, Moron of the Day: Admits to Child Porn in Job Interview With Border Patrol

Efe Moniedafe_opt.jpg

​Efe Moniedafe was interviewing for a job with U.S. Customs and Border Protection, apparently under the belief that the agency was searching for the proud, the few, and the really depraved. The scary part is that the agency was actually looking at him as a serious candidate...
The 27-year-old moron from Miramar, Florida got as far the polygraph test, which is administered to all applicants. That's when he admitted to being a connoisseur of child porn.
Much to his surprise, the Border Patrol was no longer interested in hiring his ass to keep the sanctity of American shores. It was, however, very interested in investigating his ass for being a pervert. When police raided his home, they confiscated two computers, which revealed our mope's fascination with viewing naked children in photos and videos.
He's now charged with seven counts of possession of child pornography. (Special thanks to reader Karen for the tip.)

Antinette 'Toni' Keller Missing: Northern Illinois University Student's Body Found in Park

She was last seen around noon on October 14. Toni Keller, an art student at Northern Illinois, said she was going to Prairie Park in Dekalb to work on a school project. She was seen heading into the woods that day with her portfolio satchel and her camera...

Antinette-Keller-portrait.jpg

Toni went to a DeKalb park to work on a school project. She never came back.

​Toni, a freshman at the school on the plains west of Chicago, was supposed to go home that weekend for a visit. But she never called to arrange a ride. And now it looks like she never will. (See her Facebook tribute page here.)
On Saturday, a body was discovered in the woods near the park. It hasn't been officially identified as Toni's, but police say the crime scene contained items that were likely hers and have changed their case to a death investigation. Meanwhile, relatives are already conceding that the body is likely Toni's.
Police are playing the case very close to the vest, so there's no word on what evidence or suspects they may have at this point. But we'll keep you posted.

Self Assessment

I’m supposed to do a self assessment to turn into my job coach Greg. I don’t have a problem with doing a self assessment except for the fact that I am somewhat negative. My dad was always a negative person, I’m not sure if this is because of the way he grew up or what it has to do with but that’s always the way he has been. My dad isn’t as negative of a person now though. He changed a lot when his diabetes got worse, he’s not as negative anymore. Anyways, back to the self assessment. I have to do a self assessment so Greg, my job coach can get to know me better and this will help him better in helping me find a job. Some of the questions are a little how do I say it, I don’t know, I don’t understand some of the questions. I don’t know what to put for some of the questions. I’m a smart person and I have a good vocabulary and I’m a writer and a poet but I’m not sure if I will word things right. I want the answers to sound great and sophisticated but I’m not sure if they will be. I will most likely ask my wife to answer the questions for me if I don’t understand the questions because she knows me best. She knows how to word things as well, she is very good at this. My wife is a writer as well and she words things so well. I’m kind of jealous of her sometimes because she words things so well and she is kind of better at wording things than I am. Basically, when my wife writes you can tell that she’s a writer. I seem to repeat myself a lot but it seems that’s how I get things out. Some people might be annoyed by my writing because I repeat myself. Oh well. When I write poetry I don’t repeat myself unless it is on purpose.

Alyssa Bustamante, 15, Charged With Slaying of 9-Year-Old Elizabeth Olten

UPDATE: Alyssa Bustamante has pleaded not guilty to murdering Elizabeth Olten. See update after the jump...

A Missouri judge ruled that 15-year-old Alyssa Bustamante can be tried as an adult in the murder of 9-year-old Elizabeth Olten. According to police, she killed the little girl just because she "wanted to know what it felt like."
Elizabeth was last seen October 21 as she was leaving a friend's home in St. Martins, Missouri around supper time, just down the street from her own home. She promptly vanished. A massive search was launched to look for her body in the rural, wooded area...

Elizabeth-Olten.jpg

Police searched three days for Elizabeth before they were led to her grave

​Detectives say some sort of written evidence led them to Bustamante, who lives at the home where Elizabeth was playing. Bustamante led detectives into the woods, where two graves had been dug the week before. That's where they found Elizabeth's body.
Police aren't saying who was supposed to fill the second grave, but according to Sergeant David Rice of the Missouri Highway Patrol, Bustamante confessed to killing the little girl because she just"wanted to know what it felt like." The graves would imply premeditation, and police are pushing for first-degree murder charges.
Though Bustamante attempted suicide two years ago, she was a fairly strong student at Jefferson City High School, hitting A's and B's and rarely missing class.

She will make an appearance in adult court this afternoon.

Alyssa-Bustamante-mugshots.jpg

Bustamante reportedly stabbed the little girl and slit her throat

UPDATE: After a 2007 suicide attempt, Alyssa Bustamante received intensive help from social services.

Unfortunately, it didn't seem to help. In court testimony yesterday, social service workers say the 15-year-old has a history of cutting herself and has been on Prozac since 2007. She also had a 10-day stay at Mid-Missouri Mental Health Center following her suicide attempt and was evaluated after that on a daily basis.

But Bustamante, as you can imagine, doesn't come from the best of homes. Her grandma has been taking care of her and her younger siblings since 2002. There's no word on where her parents are, but in most cases where they dump the kids on grandma, you can assume they're not exactly stand-up people.

Bustamante's also dabbled in goth stuff. Usually that just means nerdy kids wearing black and trying to find cool in their own social group. But in her case, it seems she took an interest in the darker side a bit too far, like the recent case of horrorcore rapper Richard McCroskey, who killed four people in Virginiaover a minor beef with his 16-year-old girlfriend.

Alyssa-Bustamante-clawing.jpg

Alyssa was a gifted student with a girl's fascination of death

​One of the reasons Bustamante will be tried as an adult is because Missouri's juvenile system is downright pitiful. There are no high-security facilities for girls, and more than 600 kids have escaped from its juvenile institutions in the last 10 years.

Staying in the juvenile system would also require her release at age 21. When you murder a young girl by digging her grave a week earlier -- and presumably plan to kill someone else -- you should probably be locked up for a lot longer than six years.

UPDATE II: Bustamante apparently killed the little girl by strangling her, stabbing her and slitting her throat.

But due to defense objections, prosecutors won't say who the other grave was intended for, or what kind of written evidence led them to Bustamante.

A public defender has filed a motion asking that she be placed in a state mental health hospital for immediate treatment. A video she once had on YouTube claimed her hobbies were "killing people" and "cutting." She also posted a video in which she intentionally shocks herself on an electric fence, then pushes her two young brothers to do it.

Alyssa-Bustamante-red-scarf.jpg

Alyssa's mom is a dope addict, while her dad is in the Missouri pen for assault

UPDATE III: Alyssa Bustamante attended a Mormon church and was seen as a gifted student who didn't apply herself.

That seems to be the latest take on the girl accused in this horrific slaying. Neighbors and social workers say her grandparents made a good home for Alyssa and her brothers and sisters, even though her parents are losers.

Alyssa's mom Michelle Bustamante has a history of drug and alcohol charges. Her father Ceasar Bustamante is doing time in a Missouri prison for assault. But her grandparents, who've had custody of the kids since 2002, apparently provided a decent home.

Alyssa attended a Mormon church with her grandparents in Jefferson City and participated in youth activities. Tests at school revealed her as a gifted student who had a propensity to slack on occasion.

Perhaps most chilling is that she killed a girl who frequently played at her house. Neighbors say Elizabeth was a regular guest at Bustamante's home to play with the kids, including Alyssa. Why she would kill a little girl she knew so well remains a mystery.

Also see 15-Year-Old-Girl Charged with Elizabeth Olten's Murder
9-Year-Old Elizabeth Olten is Missing in Missouri After Walking Home From a Friend's House

Finally, you can see the videos Alyssa made prior to the murder at our sister paper, the Riverfront Times.

UPDATE III: Alyssa Bustamante has pleaded not guilty to murdering Elizabeth Olten.

That may be a little strange, since she's already confessed to murdering the little girl. But in court yesterday, her lawyer put in the plea on her behalf.

The attorney is also asking for a change of venue, saying the people of Jefferson City, Missouri are prejudiced against her client. It seems said lawyer doesn't know that this is what happens when you kill a little girl just to see what it feels like.

Interviewing-Skills--A-Key-To-Anyone-s-Future

So when was the last time you interviewed? How did it go for you? My guess is that it went poorly for you and that is no slam on you personally its just that most people fear interviews and lose a lot of jobs as a result. I read something like 85% of people in the work force right now had to go through 5-6 interviews before they landed the job that they are in right now. Now there may be multiple reasons for this figure but let me tell you the overwhelming majority of people, if they knew the secrets of successful interviewing skills would land the job they want every time. Instead of getting turned down, they would be turning down job offers.
So isn't it just a personality thing? Well yes and no. Personality certainly goes a long way in carrying a conversation and presenting yourself in a good light, but very few people have this endearing personality. There are a lot more people who land jobs than people with gregarious personalities--and that is because they now how to interview. Yes, interviewing skills can definitely be and should be learned. So how do people learn?
Well a lot of people have learned interviewing skills through trial and error. The more you do something the better you get at it (usually!). But who wants to learn like this...I mean there are few things that are more painful than getting a rejection letter. Also how fun are interviews in general? Basically most people want to avoid them entirely! Then, wouldn't it be great if you could learn what makes a successful interview from the eyes of the potential employer? Wouldn't it be nice to go into an interview with the mindset that you are evaluating them and not the other way around?
Another important thing to remember is that this goes much deeper than learning interviewing skills or tricks. In fact the training that makes you good at interviewing, makes you successful in life. Communication for instance is a fundamental part of success whether it be social confidence, or ability to manage, or network...and on and on.
Learning (and I 100% guarantee that you can learn this stuff) interviewing skills is profitable for anyone from the fresh graduate to the seasoned business man. It is also great for you life outside of work including parenting, dating, marriage--you name it! So don't wait any longer to get this valuable part of your success under your control! Josephine Stungger has been writing and speaking about how to thrive in an interview for the last 10 years. Check out www.interviewingskillshelp.info and find out how you can improve your interviewing skills.

It-s-Time-to-Get-Bodacious-About-Your-Career

Let me ask you this question: Do you believe that if you work hard at the office and you get along well with your co-workers and your boss, you'll be rewarded with more pay and promotions?
Yeah, you probably do. Many years ago, I know I believed that..
Fresh out of college with my engineering degree, I took a job at America Online as a $8 an hour customer service rep (after deciding I didn't want to be an engineer.) Little did I know, that I was about to embark on my own bodacious career.
AOL was a fledgling start-up company that exploded into a global Internet giant. During this massive growth, I performed my job well, had a positive attitude and kept getting promoted. After 10 years, I became the first head of Corporate Training for AOL, with over 12,000 employees!
I was a dedicated AOL employee who had "played by rules" (do a good job, be well- liked, and you will get promoted.) So you can imagine my reaction when I asked my boss to promote me to next level AOL, and he told me that I wasn't "strategic enough" for the job. I wasn't strategic enough? Huh?
I was stunned. In a short time he hired a man from outside AOL for the job. Just like that, my upwardly mobile career at AOL came to an end. After much soul searching, I decided to leave the company that I loved and continue my career another way. I was only 33.
During my soul searching I kept asking myself: "what went wrong?" I knew that I'd hit the glass ceiling, but there was something else. The truth was, I hadn't played the career game with the right attitude. I realized that I needed to be bodacious!
Bodacious, is that a real word? It sure is and it became my personal rallying cry during my last years at AOL. When you look up bodacious in the dictionary you will find similar descriptors like bold, unmistakable, remarkable, and audacious. I've come up with my own definition of bodacious: The courage to be in charge of your life.
Being bodacious means having the courage to be in charge of your career. It means having the courage to examine your own behavior at work and determine what's working and what's not. It means having the courage to take risks in the workplace to be more effective. Sometimes it means having the courage to find a new job that's more fulfilling and a better match.
You absolutely can have a bodacious career that's personally meaningful and fulfilling. It starts with a decision to settle for nothing less. What will you decide? And, when?
Copyright (c) 2006 Mary Foley During a successful, demanding, rising through the ranks 10 year career with America Online Mary learned that the only way to thrive in today’s world is to be bold, positive, and courageous – bodacious! Today Mary inspires women everywhere to be bodacious in their lives, careers and businesses. You can be inspired, too! Get a free copy of Mary’s e-book “10 Bodacious Ways for a Bodacious Career” at www.gobodacious.com/ebook !

Tips-For-A-Stress-Free-IT-Job-Search

The best source to look for jobs related to Information Technology (most commonly known as IT) is, obviously, the Internet.
Various sites offer listings of job openings for specific fields. The key for a fruitful search is to know how and where to look for the best possible jobs available.
To have access on a certain site's listing, an individual must first accomplish the following:
1. Register at the chosen site
2. After registration confirmation (via an email from the moderator of the site), the individual may now have access to the list
3. In searching for the preferred or suitable job vacancy, you may be asked to fill out a form (online) that states an individual's profile.
This is usually used for easier browsing of related work since IT has various fields of specialties. Other sites automatically match an individual's profile with the available or suited vacancy based on the information given by the person.
4. The applicant has the option to choose from contractual, full-time, part-time, trainee or temporary jobs category.
5. If the individual prefers work that is currently not listed on the site, he or she may have the option of posting his or her resume, from which prospective employers may browse through at some other time.
To avoid frustration while browsing through the numerous listings of IT openings on the Internet, take into consideration the following pointers:
1. Determine the following:
1.1 Organize your career portfolio in soft and hard copies. While most employers will ask for a copy of you resume through the net (email), there are some that still require hard copies for submission at their respective offices.
1.2 Determine preferred location of work. Is the individual willing to be relocated should a good position be offered in another city or state? Does he or she prefer work within commuting distance?
1.3 Salary. Though it would not be wise to make demands on one's salary especially during the interview process, an individual must have a predetermined range of salary that he or she would be willing to accept, whoever the employer would be or wherever it may be located.
2. Rank the items listed above based on one's priority.
3. Search the Internet for various sites with listings of IT job openings.
4. Register on a number of sites for a wider access to various lists.
5. Submit resume based on the predetermined priorities. Let Maxwell Hurst uncover the secrets of Job Acquisition for you. With his expert assistance You Too can land the Job of your Dreams! www.jobhunterhandbook.com

Secrets-To-Searching-For-The-Career-You-Really-Wanted

Career search is a very stressful and difficult process. This is even made more intense today because so many companies are reducing their workforce. Thus increasing the number of applicants for a shrinking number of jobs.
The competition for available jobs is fierce. Yet, you can beat the competition and actually search and get hired in the career you really want.
Consider these secrets:
1. Discover what you really want out of your work and life.
Discover your true passions, desires, beliefs, and talents so that you can paint a picture of your true work and life goals from your own perspective.
2. Develop and define the job you really want. Design and define the career that will allow you to fulfill your passions, desires, beliefs and maximize your talents.
What you are doing is building your ideal job around what you want as opposed to looking at job opportunities that come along to evaluate. Believe it or not, the career you are searching for actually exists in more than one way and within the personal parameters you set.
3. Find out what companies have positions that meet your ideal position requirements. Look and research all of the possible companies within the geographical area you designated to discover what positions within these companies you would want. Do not worry about whether they have job vacancies or are currently in a hiring mode.
4. Evaluate the companies that have your desired careers. Make sure you would want to work for the companies that have your ideal jobs. They need to have integrity and treat their employees and customers in the manner you would want to be treated.
Determine whether they operate in an industry that you want to work in.
Research about the career you selected. Do not be put off or discouraged if the companies are not hiring. Why? Because companies are always looking for the right employees and will have to eventually hire new employees to survive.
Determine who actually makes hiring decisions, and what is important to them. Many companies disguise this information through HR departments or hiring committees. If possible, try to find out how you can contact hiring decision-makers directly. Get their e-mail addresses, direct telephone numbers, or find someone in the company who can do that for you.
5. Contact the decision-makers and tell them you want to work for them in the specific career you are searching for. Express your enthusiasm for that specific job or jobs. The fewer jobs you designate the better.
You want them to know you can be trusted by truthfully exposing your commitment to seeking your dream job, even though they may not have an opening.
Let them know that you will be very productive because you will excel at the job. That you will be a very grateful and energetic employee because you are doing what you love. You are not just asking for a job so they will pay you, but you have targeted a specific job at that company, and you are committed to contributing in that position.
Employers constantly face the problem of finding and surrounding themselves with the right employees who want to work for them, whom they can trust, and who will be very productive with the least amount of supervision.
You are not the only one searching for the perfect career to come. There are many others who are still on the process of a career search. John Rivers is the owner of Jon Interview Helper. His website provides online university and general careers and education resources for students and industry professionals in a variety of fields. Visit Job Interview Helper

Technology-And-Work-Satisfaction

Technology relates to both the physical aspects of machines, equipment, processes and work layout, and the actual methods, systems and procedures involved in the carrying out of work. Technology is therefore a major influence on the general climate of the organization and the behavior of people at work.
During a study in a new American car assembly, developed by Chrysler, Walker and Guest, researchers examined the effects of mass production. They describe the characteristics of assembly line as: repetitious and machine paced; involving a minimum of skill; using predetermined techniques with no choice of tools or methods; and closely defined divisions of the production process. The workers were able to perform their jobs with only ‘surface mental attention'.
The nature of the job, the technological layout and the high level of noise restricted the amount of social interaction and contacts that workers could have with each other. The opportunities for interpersonal relationships were important, and when these were missing the workers felt deprived. The workers' main contact with authority was through the supervisors and this was an important factor in job satisfaction. There was little contact with the managers and as a result relationships with management were considered of little importance. They also had a higher rate of absenteeism than workers did in jobs with fewer characteristics of mass production.
Although these negative results exist in most of today's business units, information technology can have a severe positive impact on job satisfaction. New patterns of work organization are demanded, the nature and content of individual jobs is altered, the function and structure of work groups is subject to change, supervision systems are being renewed, responsibilities are shifted, and the management task adopts a new role.
Speaking generally, the major effect of computers, robots, and other new technologies on job design seems to be that the role of the human half of the partnership has changed, not that it has become less important. The new technology is creating a need for better-trained employees, in almost every case. The computerization of the banking industry has considerably expanded not diminished, teller training needs for example.
Because automation increase the need for skilled employees, research finds that the people who see automation as a threat to their job security tend to be skilled in opposition to those with higher skill levels. Employees with high skill levels react more favorably, seeing the situation as creating opportunities for them to expand their work skills. Kadence Buchanan writes articles on many topics includingSociety, Home, and Family.

Addiction-to-Fame-and-Celebrity

Question:
Are Narcissists addicted to being famous?
Answer:
You bet. This, by far, is their predominant drive. Being famous encompasses a few important functions: it endows the narcissist with power, provides him with a constant Source of Narcissistic Supply (admiration, adoration, approval, awe), and fulfills important Ego functions.
The image that the narcissist projects is hurled back at him, reflected by those exposed to his celebrity or fame. This way he feels alive, his very existence is affirmed and he acquires a sensation of clear boundaries (where the narcissist ends and the world begins).
There is a set of narcissistic behaviors typical to the pursuit of celebrity. There is almost nothing that the narcissist refrains from doing, almost no borders that he hesitates to cross to achieve renown. To him, there is no such thing as "bad publicity" – what matters is to be in the public eye.
Because the narcissist equally enjoys all types of attention and likes as much to be feared as to be loved, for instance – he doesn't mind if what is published about him is wrong ("as long as they spell my name correctly"). The narcissist's only bad emotional stretches are during periods of lack of attention, publicity, or exposure.
The narcissist then feels empty, hollowed out, negligible, humiliated, wrathful, discriminated against, deprived, neglected, treated unjustly and so on. At first, he tries to obtain attention from ever narrowing groups of reference ("supply scale down"). But the feeling that he is compromising gnaws at his anyhow fragile self-esteem.
Sooner or later, the spring bursts. The narcissist plots, contrives, plans, conspires, thinks, analyses, synthesizes and does whatever else is necessary to regain the lost exposure in the public eye. The more he fails to secure the attention of the target group (always the largest) – the more daring, eccentric and outlandish he becomes. Firm decision to become known is transformed into resolute action and then to a panicky pattern of attention seeking behaviors.
The narcissist is not really interested in publicity per se. Narcissists are misleading. The narcissist appears to love himself – and, really, he abhors himself. Similarly, he appears to be interested in becoming a celebrity – and, in reality, he is concerned with the REACTIONS to his fame: people watch him, notice him, talk about him, debate his actions – therefore he exists.
The narcissist goes around "hunting and collecting" the way the expressions on people's faces change when they notice him. He places himself at the center of attention, or even as a figure of controversy. He constantly and recurrently pesters those nearest and dearest to him in a bid to reassure himself that he is not losing his fame, his magic touch, the attention of his social milieu.
Truly, the narcissist is not choosy. If he can become famous as a writer – he writes, if as a businessman – he conducts business. He switches from one field to the other with ease and without remorse because in all of them he is present without conviction, bar the conviction that he must (and deserves to) get famous.
He grades activities, hobbies and people not according to the pleasure that they give him – but according to their utility: can they or can't they make him known and, if so, to what extent. The narcissist is one-track minded (not to say obsessive). His is a world of black (being unknown and deprived of attention) and white (being famous and celebrated).
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Mistreating Celebrities - An Interview
Granted to Superinteressante Magazine in Brazil
Q. Fame and TV shows about celebrities usually have a huge audience. This is understandable: people like to see other successful people. But why people like to see celebrities being humiliated?
A. As far as their fans are concerned, celebrities fulfill two emotional functions: they provide a mythical narrative (a story that the fan can follow and identify with) and they function as blank screens onto which the fans project their dreams, hopes, fears, plans, values, and desires (wish fulfillment). The slightest deviation from these prescribed roles provokes enormous rage and makes us want to punish (humiliate) the "deviant" celebrities.
But why?
When the human foibles, vulnerabilities, and frailties of a celebrity are revealed, the fan feels humiliated, "cheated", hopeless, and "empty". To reassert his self-worth, the fan must establish his or her moral superiority over the erring and "sinful" celebrity. The fan must "teach the celebrity a lesson" and show the celebrity "who's boss". It is a primitive defense mechanism - narcissistic grandiosity. It puts the fan on equal footing with the exposed and "naked" celebrity.
Q. This taste for watching a person being humiliated has something to do with the attraction to catastrophes and tragedies?
A. There is always a sadistic pleasure and a morbid fascination in vicarious suffering. Being spared the pains and tribulations others go through makes the observer feel "chosen", secure, and virtuous. The higher celebrities rise, the harder they fall. There is something gratifying in hubris defied and punished.
Q. Do you believe the audience put themselves in the place of the reporter (when he asks something embarrassing to a celebrity) and become in some way revenged?
A. The reporter "represents" the "bloodthirsty" public. Belittling celebrities or watching their comeuppance is the modern equivalent of the gladiator rink. Gossip used to fulfill the same function and now the mass media broadcast live the slaughtering of fallen gods. There is no question of revenge here - just Schadenfreude, the guilty joy of witnessing your superiors penalized and "cut down to size".
Q. In your country, who are the celebrities people love to hate?
A. Israelis like to watch politicians and wealthy businessmen reduced, demeaned, and slighted. In Macedonia, where I live, all famous people, regardless of their vocation, are subject to intense, proactive, and destructive envy. This love-hate relationship with their idols, this ambivalence, is attributed by psychodynamic theories of personal development to the child's emotions towards his parents. Indeed, we transfer and displace many negative emotions we harbor onto celebrities.
Q. I would never dare asking some questions the reporters from Panico ask the celebrities. What are the characteristics of people like these reporters?
A. Sadistic, ambitious, narcissistic, lacking empathy, self-righteous, pathologically and destructively envious, with a fluctuating sense of self-worth (possibly an inferiority complex).
6. Do you believe the actors and reporters want themselves to be as famous as the celebrities they tease? Because I think this is almost happening...
A. The line is very thin. Newsmakers and newsmen and women are celebrities merely because they are public figures and regardless of their true accomplishments. A celebrity is famous for being famous. Of course, such journalists will likely to fall prey to up and coming colleagues in an endless and self-perpetuating food chain...
7. I think that the fan-celebrity relationship gratifies both sides. What are the advantages the fans get and what are the advantages the celebrities get?
A. There is an implicit contract between a celebrity and his fans. The celebrity is obliged to "act the part", to fulfill the expectations of his admirers, not to deviate from the roles that they impose and he or she accepts. In return the fans shower the celebrity with adulation. They idolize him or her and make him or her feel omnipotent, immortal, "larger than life", omniscient, superior, and sui generis (unique).
What are the fans getting for their trouble?
Above all, the ability to vicariously share the celebrity's fabulous (and, usually, partly confabulated) existence. The celebrity becomes their "representative" in fantasyland, their extension and proxy, the reification and embodiment of their deepest desires and most secret and guilty dreams. Many celebrities are also role models or father/mother figures. Celebrities are proof that there is more to life than drab and routine. That beautiful - nay, perfect - people do exist and that they do lead charmed lives. There's hope yet - this is the celebrity's message to his fans.
The celebrity's inevitable downfall and corruption is the modern-day equivalent of the medieval morality play. This trajectory - from rags to riches and fame and back to rags or worse - proves that order and justice do prevail, that hubris invariably gets punished, and that the celebrity is no better, neither is he superior, to his fans.
8. Why are celebrities narcissists? How is this disorder born?
No one knows if pathological narcissism is the outcome of inherited traits, the sad result of abusive and traumatizing upbringing, or the confluence of both. Often, in the same family, with the same set of parents and an identical emotional environment - some siblings grow to be malignant narcissists, while others are perfectly "normal". Surely, this indicates a genetic predisposition of some people to develop narcissism.
It would seem reasonable to assume - though, at this stage, there is not a shred of proof - that the narcissist is born with a propensity to develop narcissistic defenses. These are triggered by abuse or trauma during the formative years in infancy or during early adolescence. By "abuse" I am referring to a spectrum of behaviors which objectify the child and treat it as an extension of the caregiver (parent) or as a mere instrument of gratification. Dotting and smothering are as abusive as beating and starving. And abuse can be dished out by peers as well as by parents, or by adult role models.
Not all celebrities are narcissists. Still, some of them surely are.
We all search for positive cues from people around us. These cues reinforce in us certain behavior patterns. There is nothing special in the fact that the narcissist-celebrity does the same. However there are two major differences between the narcissistic and the normal personality.
The first is quantitative. The normal person is likely to welcome a moderate amount of attention – verbal and non-verbal – in the form of affirmation, approval, or admiration. Too much attention, though, is perceived as onerous and is avoided. Destructive and negative criticism is avoided altogether.
The narcissist, in contrast, is the mental equivalent of an alcoholic. He is insatiable. He directs his whole behavior, in fact his life, to obtain these pleasurable tidbits of attention. He embeds them in a coherent, completely biased, picture of himself. He uses them to regulates his labile (fluctuating) sense of self-worth and self-esteem.
To elicit constant interest, the narcissist projects on to others a confabulated, fictitious version of himself, known as the False Self. The False Self is everything the narcissist is not: omniscient, omnipotent, charming, intelligent, rich, or well-connected.
The narcissist then proceeds to harvest reactions to this projected image from family members, friends, co-workers, neighbors, business partners and from colleagues. If these – the adulation, admiration, attention, fear, respect, applause, affirmation – are not forthcoming, the narcissist demands them, or extorts them. Money, compliments, a favorable critique, an appearance in the media, a sexual conquest are all converted into the same currency in the narcissist's mind, into "narcissistic supply".
So, the narcissist is not really interested in publicity per se or in being famous. Truly he is concerned with the REACTIONS to his fame: how people watch him, notice him, talk about him, debate his actions. It "proves" to him that he exists.
The narcissist goes around "hunting and collecting" the way the expressions on people's faces change when they notice him. He places himself at the center of attention, or even as a figure of controversy. He constantly and recurrently pesters those nearest and dearest to him in a bid to reassure himself that he is not losing his fame, his magic touch, the attention of his social milieu. Sam Vaknin (samvak.tripod.com ) is the author of Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited and After the Rain - How the West Lost the East. He served as a columnist for Global Politician, Central Europe Review, PopMatters, Bellaonline, and eBookWeb, a United Press International (UPI) Senior Business Correspondent, and the editor of mental health and Central East Europe categories in The Open Directory and Suite101. Until recently, he served as the Economic Advisor to the Government of Macedonia. Visit Sam's Web site atsamvak.tripod.com

Terrible Two’s

My wife’s granddaughter Deana is going through the terrible two’s. Now they don’t call it the terrible two’s for nothing, when they say terrible two’s they mean it. However, I have heard that being 3 is worse then the terrible two’s. Kids are great, I love kids yet handling a child going through the terrible two’s is something else let me tell you. Deana isn’t really a bad kid, she is just very curious and likes to get into everything. Sometimes I find that things are missing around the house because Deana has ran off with them and they are not to be found. Like this morning I lost the dust pan and little small handled broom that goes with the dust pan. My wife Deborah’s son Eugene told me to ask Deana where the small handled broom was. Funny that he should tell me to ask the 2 year old where its at. As if she would actually tell me. So in an attempt to find the broom I asked her, she acted like she didn’t understand what I was saying. Stupid of me to ask a 2 year old where something is. Funny thing is that when you tell Deana that her baba is in the trash can she actually goes to the trash can to look for it but when you are missing something she acts like she don’t know what you are saying. Now I have to remember that she is only 2 years old and her vocabulary hasn’t developed because she is only 2 years old. So she doesn’t understand everything that I say. She is also at the stage where she likes to repeat things and this is bad for me because I cuss like a sailor and she likes to repeat everything that everyone says. Her favorite word is ass. She likes to call everyone an ass when they are bothering her or when she doesn’t get her way. This would be my fault. I say ass a lot and she copied me in saying it. The bad thing is that when we went into social services and Deana was being bad and wouldn’t listen to me and I tried to discipline her she called me an ass 3 times. That was kind of embarrassing because people around me were looking at me and were shocked that Deana was cussing. Some things I shouldn’t teach a 2 year old. I was joking with Deana and told her to crawl into the dryer, she wouldn’t do it. Good thing she didn’t do it but I just wanted to see if she would or not. She probably would have if no one else was around. LOL. I was told I shouldn’t be around kids or watch kids because I teach them bad things. I just like to have fun really. I love Deana a lot and would never do anything to hurt her, I have fun with her. We take her to the park a lot and I get on the slide and go down the slide with her on my lap sometimes. She likes the slide. We have fun though for the most part. When Deana has a fit though its never good. She is loud and obnoxious and acts all crazy and screams and kicks. When she doesn’t get her way its never good, she acts totally crazy like an insane child or something. We don’t always let her get her way but we try to accommodate her needs with whatever she wants unless it is something that could hurt her. The terrible two’s let me tell you is nothing fun to go through. Deana is a perfect angel when she is asleep. She takes naps a lot in the car. When we are driving a lot she seems to go to sleep in the car and is passed out like a quiet sleeping angel. It doesn’t help that Deana has to be separated from her father either. She sees Clint sometimes but he doesn’t watch her as much as Melissa watches her. She is a daddy’s girl for sure. She loves Clint a lot but sometimes being with him isn’t the best thing for her because he is sort of a trouble maker. Well the terrible two’s is here to stay for another whole year because she just turned 2. So we have another whole year of her being two. This should be interesting.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

A Good Day With The Parents

I woke up this morning around 11AM and the wife was still sleeping when I woke up. She wakes up at around 5:30AM every morning though. She goes back to sleep after waking up that early. I woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep so I stayed up. I had two cigarettes left so I went and smoked one while the wife was still asleep. It was nice outside too. Today the weather was great outside. It was such a nice day outside. I can’t brag about the weather enough. It was so nice outside. It was shorts weather and the sun was so warm and even the breeze was a warm one. Deborah’s plant she has growing in her flower garden is looking nice too. It is pink and has grown to be very tall. It has several blooms on it and it is still blooming even though we have had some cold weather. I wish it was summer again. I love summer time. I like the weather being hot outside, even though I sweat to death I still love when it is hot outside. Well, anyways back to my day. After smoking my first cigarette of the day I called mom and she didn’t answer the phone so I called the house phone and dad answered the phone. Dad was in bed still, I could tell. Dad sounded like he had just woke up and so I asked him if they were still asleep and he said yes. I told him that they needed to wake up because I wanted to go to the park today because it was nice outside. Dad didn’t seem to want to get out of bed and he said he wasn’t sure about going to the park. Mom was still in bed too. So I told dad I would call him later. It was like 11 something anyway and I didn’t really expect them to be awake but I knew that someone would eventually answer the phone and dad did. So I told dad I would call him back later and I came inside and played on the internet, Facebook if you must know. LOL. I am addicted to Facebook for some reason. Its very addictive. After playing on Facebook for awhile Deborah ended up waking up. She got up and I called the house phone again. Dad said to call mom and see what she wanted to do so I called mom’s cell phone. Mom said they were still in bed, but then she said a minute later that dad was getting up out of bed and going into his living room to watch TV. So dad was up and the task was now to get mom up. I told mom how it was such a nice day outside and it would be awful to waste such a nice day outside. She eventually decided to get up. I told her I needed cigarettes so I was going to have to come over there anyway to get money from her. Deborah and I decided to get dressed and I had told Deborah we needed to go over mom and dad’s to get money for cigarettes. I think that’s what motivated Deborah to get up because Deborah hasn’t been feeling good at all today. We went over mom and dad’s house to get money for cigarettes and dad was already dressed and ready to go except I helped him put on his shoes. Now Deborah was waiting in the Explorer for me because she just had hip surgery and my pit-bull Zeus likes to jump on people and he could knock her over so she was sitting in the Explorer. Deborah didn’t know if we were taking my parents to the park or not but they ended up wanting to go. I was sitting in the house with mom and dad cutting coupons from Arby’s. I always get a Deluxe Baked Potato from Arby’s and mom had a coupon for one. Of course the stipulation was that you buy a regular sized drink and get $1.00 off a potato. There’s always a catch. LOL. Well Zeus ended up needing to go out or wanted to go out because he kept barking non stop. So I let him outside for a little bit while mom and dad got ready to go. I went to the Explorer to tell Deborah that my parents wanted to go to the park now and she said okay and moved in the back seat. When we take my parents to the park, dad always sits in the front seat. Dad has shotgun all the time. Its hard for him to sit in the back seat. The back seat is kind of small and dad’s a tall guy. Well we were headed to the park. We first stopped at Sheetz so Deborah and I could get cigarettes and gas. Mom gave me $10.00 to put in the gas tank and my tank was on a quarter of a tank and after I put the gas in the needle on the gas gauge only moved up a little bit. I swear the gas don’t last in the Explorer. Mom bought Deborah and I cigarettes too. Then we went to Mcdonalds. I always get a large Caramel Frappe and mom said to get a small this time because she couldn’t afford the larges. The total still came out to $9 something. We got dad a drink too and I think that’s why the total was $9 something. Then we headed to Staunton. I took a different route other than the interstate because dad likes to go the scenic route instead of taking the interstate. Dad hates the interstate for some reason, not sure why but he would rather go the long way instead. I think one reason is because he doesn’t get out much and he wants to see what’s going on around town and how its changed and all. Dad only gets out for his doctor appointments or when my sister Doncia takes him to the bank or to the park. So we went around to the road next to the hospital and headed to Staunton. We first went to the Staunton Mcdonald’s and dad got two Angus and Mushroom Swiss Snack Wraps and I got a large Sweet Tea. Then we went to  Arby’s to get mom, Deborah and I a Deluxe Baked Potato. Then we headed back to our house because Melissa and Cameron were waiting for us because Deborah’s truck was locked and Melissa needed the car seat. When we got back to our house they were gone and I called Melissa and she said that Deborah’s truck was unlocked. I must have forgotten to lock it. So Deborah locked her truck and we all headed to the park. Cameron and Melissa and Deana were at the skate park, we saw them when we drove by. I rode around the park and came to a parking spot near the tennis court and turned off the engine and we all ate our food. I ate mine quick because I wanted a cigarette so I was hurrying up eating and I don’t smoke in the vehicle with my parents in it. I don’t smoke around them because my dad has bad bronchitis and he is sick right now. I hope he doesn’t end up in the hospital again like he did a year ago. That was awful. So mom and dad ate and Deborah eventually finished eating and got out and smoked with me. It was so warm outside, it was nice. I loved today’s weather. I might go outside again. Even though I am sitting in a coat right now. I didn’t need a coat earlier and I really don’t need a coat now but I have a feeling that it will get cold or be cold outside when I go outside. Oh well. Today was a great day because I got to spend time with my family before I go to work tomorrow. Today was kind of a relaxing day. Mom and dad probably went home to relax. Mom has to work tomorrow and she likes to relax before she goes to work but I dragged her out of the house today. Well, now we are back at home and I am writing this blog and Deborah is playing Farmville on Facebook and she is watching a movie. Cameron came down last night and spent the night. Cameron is Melissa and Eugene’s friend. They stayed up half the night playing the Playstation 3. Elizabeth and Tonya went camping yesterday and they are still gone. Not sure if they are coming home tonight or what is going on. I think they will because I think Tonya has to work tonight. Or maybe she just works on the weekends. Not sure. I think Tonya is moving in with us. More the merrier. LOL. Okay well I done with this blog now. I’m sure I will have more to write about later.