Fuck It

I go there & listen to you
I sit there to hear what you have to say
You say nothing is wrong with me
I disagree
If there is nothing wrong with me than why the fuck am I seeing you?
I got to be moving on

Why do you feel the need to make me so angry?
If you only knew the thoughts in my head
You would agree with me
And I wouldn't want people dead
I live my life
Go on every day, waking up, and its a repeat process
I can't breathe, I gotta move on

Why do you feel the need to make me so upset and angry
Is it in your blood
Or is it just your job
You get paid to make wrong assumptions
There is nothing you can say to change my mind

You are pulling me in a million directions
I am going on what I was told years ago
If you are so right than why was I given disability
Fuck it

Coldness In My Eyes

You felt the coldness in my eyes
Though you've gotten used to me not hiding
I have my reasons
You didn't listen to me
You think I am fine
You'll change your mind
When someone dies
I hide in the dark
Hide behind the shadows

Going to reveal the pain that i never show
There will be blood on my hands
Don't make me lose it tonight
I don't want to kill, it just wouldn't be right
I sit there and listen to what you're saying
I think you don't know what the hell you're talking about
I don't tell you everything because I shouldn't have to

But you'll understand when someone dies
You'll realize you were wrong
When someone becomes so disfigured
You will feel the pain that I never show
Then you will understand, you will know

I don't tell you what's really going on
I put on this facade
I am hiding behind this pain tonight
I am fine until you make me break
You can sit there & pretend everything is okay
This is the me I let you see
I have my reasons to hide behind this mask

Going to reveal the pain that i never show
There will be blood on my hands
Don't make me lose it tonight
I don't want to kill, it just wouldn't be right
I sit there and listen to what you're saying
I think you don't know what the hell you're talking about
I don't tell you everything because I shouldn't have to

But you'll understand when someone dies
You'll realize you were wrong
When someone becomes so disfigured
You will feel the pain that I never show
Then you will understand, you will know

Midnite Bean

Well my cat Midnite was crying last night in pain and I didn't know why. She was drooling all last night and today so I took her to the vet and the vet opened her mouth and one of her teeth was broken. So she has to stay overnight because they are putting her under anestesia cos they have to pull out her tooth. They have to pull out her tooth from the gum. Poor baby. I hope she will be alright. They are going to give her all her shots that she needs. I go to pick her up tomorrow.

Update

Well, this past weekend was Labor Day as you know. We went to visit friends & family in Hopewell this past weekend. We stayed with Helen & Jason at their house. We had a blast. We went to Deana's 1 year birthday party on Saturday which was fun. I took a ton of videos which you can see on my Myspace which is It was a lot of fun and tons of laughs. We also went and saw where Helen & Robbie board their horses. The farm was huge and there were tons of horses there. Helen got a new horse, an Arabian horse, her name is Fire Angel. She is beautiful. Okay so the worst thing that happened this weekend was walking through the woods. I know have poison ivy all over my body and it itches like crazy. I went to the emergency room and they put me on a steroid & gave me cream. So I am confined to the house until this shit clears up. It sucks.

Whats been up

Went 2 Hopewell yesterday 2 get Deb's jewelry out of the pawn shop & went to see the family & friends. Had a good time. Debs friends r fucking hilarious. They crack me the fuck up 4 real. Dads laptop came n yesterday. He is all happy that he has a laptop now. He got a kick ass laptop. I picked him out one of the best HP's that Staples had. His has a remote control 4 it that is used 4 the DVD player & CD player on his laptop. Its kick ass. 4 real. I'm thinking I should have gotten an HP. S real. Leigh Anne had 1 that had a remote 2. Well I'm sitting here in downtown Staunton waiting for Scoop to come down so I can take him 2 clean Bear's car out. He is taking forever. Its all good though.its nice outside today. Its not 2 hot & not 2 cold. I'm tired. I'm not used 2 waking up so early.

Thats Life

Well I've come to the conclusion that I'm not going to get anywhere in life. I'm never going to be successful, I'm never going to have a nice vehicle of my own, I'm never going to have anything. The only thing I actually own is my clothes. Life sucks.

Tonight

Sitting on my deck
Looking into the night's sky
The stars are out tonight
It's a clear sky
I see one bright star
And I think to myself
I bet its God looking down on us