Monday, December 31, 2007
Dinner
Sara, shay, kristen, i decided 2 go out 2 dinner so we went 2 boston beanery. We're all just sitting here havin a good time, takin pix enjoyin new years eve. I ordered an angus steak with mushrooms onions. Sara i are goin 2 her mom dads 2 ring in the new year.
Me this is who i am..dont like it sorry
Im adventurous, energetic, courageous, enthusiastic, confident sometimes told im conceited but on the bad side..im selfish sometimes, quick tempered, very impulsive, impatient even tho ud thought id learned patience n the army, foolhardy a daredevil. Very open 2 new ideas a lover of freedom. I welcome challenges will not b diverted from my purpose except by my own impatience. Always takin pix of myself always lookin n the mirror. Sumtimes i come off a little arrogant, cocky conceited. Been told im an asshole many times.
Monday, December 24, 2007
My dog
Stupid bipolar.. I was huggin zeus and than he decided 2 get up he figured he was goin 2 fall i was tryin 2 get up wen all of a sudden he knocked my lens out of my glasses i started crying i dont know why..i need 2 take my medicine..i havent yet today.. Its like i got all this shit built up inside i jus snapped 2nite.. I dont have any1 that i can talk 2 really..no 1 that will listen except 4 my therapist but she gets paid 2 listen 2 me talk 2 me...
Friday, December 14, 2007
Thinking........
Today was graduation at school. Aaron, who is my "bro" graduated today. Aaron is like a bro to me. He is one of my best friends & he graduated today. He's leaving, even though I know I'll see him again, it still kind of upsets me that I won't see him as often. Okay im going back to my school work now. I dont feel like writing anymore.
Friday, December 7, 2007
About me
Yeah so maybe im different. I have bi-polar disorder and paranoid schizophrenia. people treat me differently when they find out though. im no different than anybody else. i dont know why i am this way or what i can do to prevent it. im on medicine for it.
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Big Five Word Test Results
| Big Five Word Test Results |
| Extroversion (35%) moderately low which suggests you are reclusive, quiet, unassertive, and secretive. Accommodation (24%) low which suggests you are overly selfish, uncooperative, and difficult at the expense too often of the well being of others. Orderliness (67%) moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly organized, neat, structured and restrained at the expense too often of flexibility, variety, spontaneity, and fun. Emotional Stability (7%) very low which suggests you are extremely worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious. Inquisitiveness (41%) moderately low which suggests you are, at times, overly small minded, traditional, and conventional at the expense of intellectual curiousity, possibility, and progress. |
personality tests by similarminds.com
The Big Five is currently the most accepted personality model in the scientific community. The Big Five emerged from the work of multiple independent scientists/researchers starting in the 1950s who using different techniques obtained similar results. Those results were that there are five distinct personality traits/dimensions. Here are your results on each dimension:
Extroversion results were moderately low which suggests you are reclusive, quiet, unassertive, and secretive.
Orderliness results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly organized, neat, structured and restrained at the expense too often of flexibility, variety, spontaneity, and fun.
Emotional Stability results were very low which suggests you are extremely worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious.
Accommodation results were low which suggests you are overly selfish, uncooperative, and difficult at the expense too often of the well being of others.
Inquisitiveness results were moderately low which suggests you are, at times, overly small minded, traditional, and conventional at the expense of intellectual curiousity, possibility, and progress.
Global 5: sloan RLOEN; sloan+ xL|O|ei; primary Organized; X(50%)L(93%)O(67%)E(76%)I(41%)
| Personality Disorder Test Results
|
personality tests by similarminds.com
Test Note: Read the descriptions below to avoid misinterpreting test results (for example, the Antisocial classification does not mean you are a loner, it means you tend to be insensitive towards others).
General Note: the validity and reliability of DSM personality disorders are still lacking in strong statistical evidence and clear agreement in the scientific and medical community. They are determined by the American Psychiatric Association and will likely be revised in the future.
Author Note:I don't think Schizoid personality is a valid disorder (read), some of the smartest people in history were schizoid because they occupied a remote end of the intelligence bell curve. Schizotypal personality can encompass highly original thinkers as well as totally insane people so I think it's a flawed type. I think the remaining eight disorders are generally valid.
Disorder Info
Eccentric Personality Disorders: Paranoid, Schizoid, Schizotypal
Individuals with these disorders often appear odd or peculiar.
Paranoid Personality Disorder - individual generally tends to interpret the actions of others as threatening.
Schizoid Personality Disorder - individual generally detached from social relationships, and shows a narrow range of emotional expression in various social settings.
Schizotypal Personality Disorder - individual is uncomfortable in close relationships, has thought or perceptual distortions, and peculiarities of behavior.
Dramatic Personality Disorders: Antisocial, Borderline, Histrionic, and Narcissistic
Individuals with these disorders have intense, unstable emotions, distorted self-perception, and/or behavioral impulsiveness.
Antisocial Personality Disorder - individual shows a pervasive disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others.
Borderline Personality Disorder - individual shows a generalized pattern of instability in interpersonal relationships, self-image, and observable emotions, and significant impulsiveness.
Histrionic Personality Disorder - individual often displays excessive emotionality and attention seeking in various contexts. They tend to overreact to other people, and are often perceived as shallow and self-centered.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder - individual has a grandiose view of themselves, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy that begins by early adulthood and is present in various situations. These individuals are very demanding in their relationships.
Anxious Personality Disorders: Avoidant, Dependent, Obsessive-Compulsive
Individuals with these disorders often appear anxious or fearful.
Avoidant Personality Disorder - individual is socially inhibited, feels inadequate, and is oversensitive to criticism
Dependent Personality Disorder - individual shows an extreme need to be taken care of that leads to fears of separation, and passive and clinging behavior.
Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder - individual is preoccupied with orderliness, perfectionism, and control at the expense of flexibility, openness, and efficiency.
Personality Disorder Test
| Personality Disorder Test Results
|
personality tests by similarminds.com
Test Note: Read the descriptions below to avoid misinterpreting test results (for example, the Antisocial classification does not mean you are a loner, it means you tend to be insensitive towards others).
General Note: the validity and reliability of DSM personality disorders are still lacking in strong statistical evidence and clear agreement in the scientific and medical community. They are determined by the American Psychiatric Association and will likely be revised in the future.
Author Note:I don't think Schizoid personality is a valid disorder (read), some of the smartest people in history were schizoid because they occupied a remote end of the intelligence bell curve. Schizotypal personality can encompass highly original thinkers as well as totally insane people so I think it's a flawed type. I think the remaining eight disorders are generally valid.
Disorder Info
Eccentric Personality Disorders: Paranoid, Schizoid, Schizotypal
Individuals with these disorders often appear odd or peculiar.
Paranoid Personality Disorder - individual generally tends to interpret the actions of others as threatening.
Schizoid Personality Disorder - individual generally detached from social relationships, and shows a narrow range of emotional expression in various social settings.
Schizotypal Personality Disorder - individual is uncomfortable in close relationships, has thought or perceptual distortions, and peculiarities of behavior.
Dramatic Personality Disorders: Antisocial, Borderline, Histrionic, and Narcissistic
Individuals with these disorders have intense, unstable emotions, distorted self-perception, and/or behavioral impulsiveness.
Antisocial Personality Disorder - individual shows a pervasive disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others.
Borderline Personality Disorder - individual shows a generalized pattern of instability in interpersonal relationships, self-image, and observable emotions, and significant impulsiveness.
Histrionic Personality Disorder - individual often displays excessive emotionality and attention seeking in various contexts. They tend to overreact to other people, and are often perceived as shallow and self-centered.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder - individual has a grandiose view of themselves, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy that begins by early adulthood and is present in various situations. These individuals are very demanding in their relationships.
Anxious Personality Disorders: Avoidant, Dependent, Obsessive-Compulsive
Individuals with these disorders often appear anxious or fearful.
Avoidant Personality Disorder - individual is socially inhibited, feels inadequate, and is oversensitive to criticism
Dependent Personality Disorder - individual shows an extreme need to be taken care of that leads to fears of separation, and passive and clinging behavior.
Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder - individual is preoccupied with orderliness, perfectionism, and control at the expense of flexibility, openness, and efficiency.
General Note: the validity and reliability of DSM personality disorders are still lacking in strong statistical evidence and clear agreement in the scientific and medical community. They are determined by the American Psychiatric Association and will likely be revised in the future.
Author Note:I don't think Schizoid personality is a valid disorder (read), some of the smartest people in history were schizoid because they occupied a remote end of the intelligence bell curve. Schizotypal personality can encompass highly original thinkers as well as totally insane people so I think it's a flawed type. I think the remaining eight disorders are generally valid.
Disorder Info
Eccentric Personality Disorders: Paranoid, Schizoid, Schizotypal
Individuals with these disorders often appear odd or peculiar.
Paranoid Personality Disorder - individual generally tends to interpret the actions of others as threatening.
Schizoid Personality Disorder - individual generally detached from social relationships, and shows a narrow range of emotional expression in various social settings.
Schizotypal Personality Disorder - individual is uncomfortable in close relationships, has thought or perceptual distortions, and peculiarities of behavior.
Dramatic Personality Disorders: Antisocial, Borderline, Histrionic, and Narcissistic
Individuals with these disorders have intense, unstable emotions, distorted self-perception, and/or behavioral impulsiveness.
Antisocial Personality Disorder - individual shows a pervasive disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others.
Borderline Personality Disorder - individual shows a generalized pattern of instability in interpersonal relationships, self-image, and observable emotions, and significant impulsiveness.
Histrionic Personality Disorder - individual often displays excessive emotionality and attention seeking in various contexts. They tend to overreact to other people, and are often perceived as shallow and self-centered.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder - individual has a grandiose view of themselves, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy that begins by early adulthood and is present in various situations. These individuals are very demanding in their relationships.
Anxious Personality Disorders: Avoidant, Dependent, Obsessive-Compulsive
Individuals with these disorders often appear anxious or fearful.
Avoidant Personality Disorder - individual is socially inhibited, feels inadequate, and is oversensitive to criticism
Dependent Personality Disorder - individual shows an extreme need to be taken care of that leads to fears of separation, and passive and clinging behavior.
Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder - individual is preoccupied with orderliness, perfectionism, and control at the expense of flexibility, openness, and efficiency.
Thoughts From Around July-Aug 2007
----------
!THOUGHTS!
----------
I'm telling you, the aliens are after me...they can read my mind. I was listening to the radio & all of a sudden I started hearing static & then the aliens were talking to me over the radio. Schizophrenia doesn't really exist, you know. It was invented by psychiatrists to get me to take all those little colored pills. Actually, what they want to do is control my brain, so that I can't communicate with the aliens who are helping me to be a better person. But I'll show them. I'm hiding all the pills under my tongue and then saving them up so I can get a realhigh. The aliens told me if I save my pills then I will feel the ultimate high of life and that my problems will go away. One alien told me that Big Brother will stop us and there may be blood shed. I don't know what he was talking about.You MUST avoid letting anyone know you are paranoid at ALL COSTS! Once they know this you will have a state of constant fear, it is much, much easier for the CIA, the shadow government, the aliens, the psychiatrists and the mimes to control you. The mimes haveent gotten me yet. They never will. Im not scared of them.rust me, you don't want that to happen to you, being paranoid that is. Personally, I spend weeks and weeks thinking that this is just me and who i am but then i realize maybe im not normal. is it normal to sit up at night and worry if somseone is going to attack u while our sleeoign? Or sleep with you feet never uncovered, securely tucked under the blanket because the aliens told me that if I had my feet outside the covers while I was sleeping that it made it more easier for the clowns to chop off my featYou dont see the aliens coming after me. You dont seetheir beattie little eyes staring at you, while your
standing there in a constant fear, panicking, wondering what to do and what they want with you or what they are going to do to you. I saw a large purple Loch Ness Monster telling me to set fire to things,and the only thing i caught fire was my arm. not really caught fire but they kept sayingto me "pain pain fire fire arm, so i assumed that i was to catch myself on fire so i lit my cigarette inhaled and kept puffin until the cherry was ncie and hot and then i stuck it on my arm and released the pain i had. Delusions are broadcast by the CIA from a remote station in Antarctica and then relayed through your skull by satellites in geostationary orbit over Area 51, in Nevada. HOWEVER, a thin layer of aluminum foil is sufficient to deflect the government's delusion-waves. Delusions can also be spread by viruses and bacteria, which the Postal Service mixes into the glue in their stamps. When you
lick them, you get the delusion-inducing bacteria. Think about it: how else could they possibly get so many people to vote Republican? Disorganized thinking. For instance, you might suffer from disorganized thinking if you could not follow the clearly laid out connection between the CIA controlling John F. Kennedy through implants in his head, which caused him to order NASA to fake the moon landings, which in turn resulted in his assassination by Fidel Castro because... um, well, anyhow, my point is it's all run by the Postmaster General. Hallucinations. These
are really bad. Just ask the big green dragon in my closet. He gets some wacked-out hallucinations. More common are auditory hallucinations, such as hearing
voices (no, mother, I will not set fire to my head right now, I am *trying* to write an article!) Megalomania. This is thinking you are someone really, really important. This symptom is much less common than it used to be, because as the second coming of
Jesus Christ, I have been using my touch to heal people. Substance abuse. Schizomaphrenics often suffer from... shubshtance abush. Mother, you're the greatesh. I mean that mother. Your the besht mother I ever had. Dammit mother, I can drink whenever I want! Shhut up! Seriously mother, you're wonderful. If you
see the devil on this computer screen to the right of
this text, you have schizophrenia.If you see Adolf Hitler in your backyard, you have
schizophrenia. Adolf Hitler has been in my backyard. He's trying to hide, that's why he gets so mad when mom & the next door neighbor try to sprout up the
bamboo. Adolf needs a place ot hide so he can take over the world again. Only this time, it'll be the United States he'll try to take over, not Germany. Of course he won't be able to take over Germany so he'll take another atempt at going back to Germany to take Germany over. Adolf laughs and says to me, "its funny how stupid people are when it comes to faking one's death. you fake your death then automatically you go down in the history books and your famous, and
according to the history books, dead. do i look dead tto you,? no sir you sure dont look dead.I saw Adolf several times. Adolf celebrated my 21st birthday with me when i had my own apartment.
!THOUGHTS!
----------
I'm telling you, the aliens are after me...they can read my mind. I was listening to the radio & all of a sudden I started hearing static & then the aliens were talking to me over the radio. Schizophrenia doesn't really exist, you know. It was invented by psychiatrists to get me to take all those little colored pills. Actually, what they want to do is control my brain, so that I can't communicate with the aliens who are helping me to be a better person. But I'll show them. I'm hiding all the pills under my tongue and then saving them up so I can get a realhigh. The aliens told me if I save my pills then I will feel the ultimate high of life and that my problems will go away. One alien told me that Big Brother will stop us and there may be blood shed. I don't know what he was talking about.You MUST avoid letting anyone know you are paranoid at ALL COSTS! Once they know this you will have a state of constant fear, it is much, much easier for the CIA, the shadow government, the aliens, the psychiatrists and the mimes to control you. The mimes haveent gotten me yet. They never will. Im not scared of them.rust me, you don't want that to happen to you, being paranoid that is. Personally, I spend weeks and weeks thinking that this is just me and who i am but then i realize maybe im not normal. is it normal to sit up at night and worry if somseone is going to attack u while our sleeoign? Or sleep with you feet never uncovered, securely tucked under the blanket because the aliens told me that if I had my feet outside the covers while I was sleeping that it made it more easier for the clowns to chop off my featYou dont see the aliens coming after me. You dont seetheir beattie little eyes staring at you, while your
standing there in a constant fear, panicking, wondering what to do and what they want with you or what they are going to do to you. I saw a large purple Loch Ness Monster telling me to set fire to things,and the only thing i caught fire was my arm. not really caught fire but they kept sayingto me "pain pain fire fire arm, so i assumed that i was to catch myself on fire so i lit my cigarette inhaled and kept puffin until the cherry was ncie and hot and then i stuck it on my arm and released the pain i had. Delusions are broadcast by the CIA from a remote station in Antarctica and then relayed through your skull by satellites in geostationary orbit over Area 51, in Nevada. HOWEVER, a thin layer of aluminum foil is sufficient to deflect the government's delusion-waves. Delusions can also be spread by viruses and bacteria, which the Postal Service mixes into the glue in their stamps. When you
lick them, you get the delusion-inducing bacteria. Think about it: how else could they possibly get so many people to vote Republican? Disorganized thinking. For instance, you might suffer from disorganized thinking if you could not follow the clearly laid out connection between the CIA controlling John F. Kennedy through implants in his head, which caused him to order NASA to fake the moon landings, which in turn resulted in his assassination by Fidel Castro because... um, well, anyhow, my point is it's all run by the Postmaster General. Hallucinations. These
are really bad. Just ask the big green dragon in my closet. He gets some wacked-out hallucinations. More common are auditory hallucinations, such as hearing
voices (no, mother, I will not set fire to my head right now, I am *trying* to write an article!) Megalomania. This is thinking you are someone really, really important. This symptom is much less common than it used to be, because as the second coming of
Jesus Christ, I have been using my touch to heal people. Substance abuse. Schizomaphrenics often suffer from... shubshtance abush. Mother, you're the greatesh. I mean that mother. Your the besht mother I ever had. Dammit mother, I can drink whenever I want! Shhut up! Seriously mother, you're wonderful. If you
see the devil on this computer screen to the right of
this text, you have schizophrenia.If you see Adolf Hitler in your backyard, you have
schizophrenia. Adolf Hitler has been in my backyard. He's trying to hide, that's why he gets so mad when mom & the next door neighbor try to sprout up the
bamboo. Adolf needs a place ot hide so he can take over the world again. Only this time, it'll be the United States he'll try to take over, not Germany. Of course he won't be able to take over Germany so he'll take another atempt at going back to Germany to take Germany over. Adolf laughs and says to me, "its funny how stupid people are when it comes to faking one's death. you fake your death then automatically you go down in the history books and your famous, and
according to the history books, dead. do i look dead tto you,? no sir you sure dont look dead.I saw Adolf several times. Adolf celebrated my 21st birthday with me when i had my own apartment.
THoughts From Last Night
Im so tired of bein called fake. Im so tired of everything. Im tired of life. I'm tired of ppl thinkin i dont care about them.
I've gone back 2 bein the way i used 2 b. Pills are now my best friends. I'm depressed again. Oh well. Its all good. Thats my life.
I don't care anymore. I don't know wat any1 wants from me. I just don't. And i don't care no more. Fuck caring. Fuck everything.
I'm so tired of everything. People take pills, do drugs & drink to drown their sorrows & help their problems go away.
Nothing has changed about me. But i've noticed wen im around my friends from school, sara seems 2 ignore me & treat me differently.
I've gone back 2 bein the way i used 2 b. Pills are now my best friends. I'm depressed again. Oh well. Its all good. Thats my life.
I don't care anymore. I don't know wat any1 wants from me. I just don't. And i don't care no more. Fuck caring. Fuck everything.
I'm so tired of everything. People take pills, do drugs & drink to drown their sorrows & help their problems go away.
Nothing has changed about me. But i've noticed wen im around my friends from school, sara seems 2 ignore me & treat me differently.
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Quotes
Quotes
Here are some quotes that I have found on the Internet. None of them are mine and most of them are from books. But most of them are how I feel...
"Mind over matter and I won't get fatter"
"Don't be weak, do not eat!"
"Nothing matters when I'm thin"
"An imperfect body reflects an imperfect person"
"Nothing is so bad that not eating won't cure"
"Lose everything and what is real will still remain"
"I, the hunger artist, rarely disappoint my audience"
"Like a plant, surely, the body can be trained to exist on nothing: to take it's nourishment from the air"
"We turn skeletons into goddesses, and look to then as if they might teach us how not to need"
"You can learn to love anything, I think, if you need to badly enough. I trained myself to enjoy feeling hungry. If my stomach contracts, or I wake up feeling nauseated, or I'm light-headed, or I have a hunger headache, or better yet, all of the above, it means I'm getting thinner. So it feels good. I feel strong, on top of myself. In control. Thanks to the dictator." ---Second Star To The Right
"It wasn't simply that I chose not to eat; I was forbidden to. Even thinking about forbidden foods brought punishment. How dare you, this voice inside me would say. You greedy pig. And I was grateful to have someone looking out for me, a kind of savior keeping me from being weak and fat, keeping me from hurting. Making me respect myself. Hunger, I thought, is a minuscule price to pay. To be thin, no price is too high. The sky's the limit." ---Second Star To The Right
"Sometimes I even felt I was cheating when someone praised me for my willpower; they don't know I have a little dictator inside forcing me." ---Second Star To The Right
"Once I set my heart on something, I just won't quit until I get it. Even if it starts looking like the wrong thing to go after, you know? I don't stop to question it; I just go for it, figuring once I've got it, I'll worry about the rest." ---Second Star To The Right
"How many pounds till I'm happy, how many pounds till I'm thin? Three more pounds till I'm skinny, three more pounds and I win!" ---Second Star To The Right
" Nothing, nothing's wrong, and asking is against the rules. Crying is against the rules too. You're strong, don't let them break you. They're trying to destroy you." ---Second Star To The Right
"My head is like a little courtroom. I'm the accused, the defendant, the attorney for the defense, the prosecuting attorney and the judge is a great big scale." ---Second Star To The Right
"Utterly refuse to consume an over-powering food temptation.
This is how drug problems are solved.
This is how alcoholism is beaten.
This is how smoking cessation works.
This is how addictions in general are cured."
"We all know that drugs, alcohol, tobacco, and addictions are harmful. Calories are harmful in the same way. If you eat extra calories, you are for sure killing yourself in the same way that any harmful substance kills. Suppose that we can train our minds to remember that "calories are killers". With this thought firmly and indelibly implanted in both our conscious and subconscious minds, this sobering realization can help us gain sufficient fortitude, will-power, and self-control to allow limited consumption of calories within firmly controlled bounds."
"An ordinary girl, an ordinary waist. But ordinary's just not good enough today." ---Our Lady Peace Superman's Dead
"The difference between want and need is self-control."
"Success is peace of mind which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you did your best to become the best you are capable of becoming." ---John R. Wooden
"The eyes are not responsible when the mind does the seeing." ---Publilius Syrus
"I definitely don't go by the standard 'eat a balanced diet, use moderation, and include all food groups' approach to food. For most people, this approach is fine, but when extreme definition, shocking thinness, and the pleasure that comes with these goals is the aim, this 'balanced, moderate lifestyle' has got to go."
"The only easy day was yesterday and that's because it is over." ---U.S. Navy Seals
"The draw of weightloss is quite powerful. It is something that I crave. It is like an addiction for me..." ---Astrid
"A full belly is the mother of all evil." ---Thomas Edison
"A fat kitchen, a lean will." ---Thomas Edison
"Sleep without supping, and you'll rise without owing for it." ---Thomas Edison
"A full belly makes a dull brain." ---Thomas Edison
"...even though I am sick of living, even though I know that my head will never make me look thin..." ---Tashi
"...it felt horrible but tasted so good." ---Julie
"Anorexia is not a disease-it's a lifestyle." ---Glamour Kat
"The great law of culture: Let each become all that he was created capable of being." ---Thomas Carlyle
"You've made a decision: you will NOT stop. The pain is necessary, especially the pain of hunger. It reassures you that you are strong, can withstand anything, that you are NOT a slave to your body, that you don't have to give in to its whining."
"I've freed myself from this compulsion of eating. When I wake, I am empty, light, light-headed; I like to stay this way, free and pure, light on my feet, traveling light. For me, food's only interest lies in how little I need, how strong I am, how well I can resist -each time achieving another small victory of the will: one carrot instead of two, half a cracker, no more peas. Each gain makes me stronger, purer, larger in my exercise of power, until eventually I see no reason to eat at all."
"I hear horror stories about girls who don't eat - how their hair turns white and their gums bleed. But I feel beautiful, perfect. I am all pale and bone-pale flesh and pale hair and I am light. I am like some fairy thing. I dream about fairies dancing around the house with rib cages showing like baskets under their flesh. I could drift up and away from here. I am so light. Bound by nothing. Not even time. And I am pure now." -- The Hanged Man
"Fat on your girth depletes your self worth."
"Eating fat will ruin your mood."
"Not eating light makes your clothes too tight."
"It's not hocus pocus, just keep your focus."
"A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips."
"Somewhere in the back of my brain there exists this certainty: the body is no more than a costume, and it can be changed at will. That the changing of bodies, like costumes, would make me into a different character, a character who might, finally, be all right." ---Wasted
"Well, I don't want to eat this now because there might be something I'd rather eat later."
"Most women live their lives in a state of starvation. Why should I be any different?"
"It's simple. You decide once and for all that you're not going to eat and then there aren't any further decisions to make."
"I needed to discover what was left when excess was stripped away. When nothing survived but the self in its minimal form."
"One day I will be thin enough. Just the bones, no disfiguring flesh. Just the pure, clear shape of me. Bones. That is, after all, what we're made up of, and everything else is just storage, deposit, waste. Strip it away, use it up. No deposit, no return."
"I can get thinner. I can cut it all off. I can wear low slung Levi's and crop tops and long straight dresses like willowy models, and I gasp with the breathlessness of being airborne. I can fly and be free. Jesus! I never realized how easy it was."
"This is forever. I will do whatever it takes. I want to be thin more than anything, even food."
"You're not gonna make me eat that. You're not gonna make me taste that. I can't."
"I control everything by my food-it's my way of being in charge of myself."
"You know what I really hate, well the fact that the minute you eat, is the minute you gain weight. You know what I mean?"
"Let your bones define the beauty of your body."
"A flat stomach is nice, but a concave stomach is perfect."
"Eat to live, but don't live to eat."
"They always say they are concerned about me, about my health, when all they want to do is pin me down and force-feed me: with lies, with what they call love. Like prisoners everywhere, all I have left is the power to refuse."
"I have a rule when I weigh myself: if I've gained, I starve myself for the rest of the day, but if I've lost, I starve too."
"I see myself very clearly. Somewhere between fat and thin, but not yet perfect."
"After a couple of weeks, my clothes started to breathe a bit on my hips. I felt high, as if I were in an altered, excited state of mind. I can do this! I was taking control, making a change, getting sexy, becoming a woman."
"I wrapped my whole body around the excuse that I couldn't socialize because I wasn't thin enough. Once I got thin enough, I would be a calm, sexy, popular girl. If I could only lose a little more weight, if I could only flatten my stomach, then I would be welcomed into that world. After all, I was losing weight - I was doing something that all the other girls were trying to do. So of course I would be socially accepted and comfortable soon, very soon. Change my body and I'll change my life."
"Foods have no power of their own. They can't hypnotize you. They can't mesmerize you. They can't pull a gun on you and force you to devour them. Any hypnotic power that foods hold over you is the power that you have given them." ---Thin Tastes Better
"I don't take the first little taste. I don't begin. I don't have any problem." ---Thin Tastes Better
"I've come too far to take orders from a cookie." ---Thin Tastes Better
"I don't negotiate with food." ---Thin Tastes Better
"Hunger is a feeling, not a command." ---Thin Tastes Better
"It's just a feeling. I'm not bleeding. I don't need to call 911." ---Thin Tastes Better
"Cravings only last a few minutes. Thin is worth a few minutes." ---Thin Tastes Better
"Stop looking at it. What are you looking at? You already see it every day on your thighs." ---Thin Tastes Better
"Umm, excuse me, don't you remember what happened the last time you had that food?" ---Thin Tastes Better
"Get over it. Move on. It's just a glob of calories." ---Thin Tastes Better
"My greatest strength is to not begin to eat at all." ---Thin Tastes Better
"There is a collision between food and my critical life goals. We don't throw out the goals. We throw out the food. They are not in the same league...they are not even CLOSE." ---Thin Tastes Better
"I deserve something better than a handful of calories and a few grams of fat." ---Thin Tastes Better
"How can this be my 'favorite' food if it has made me fat, unhealthy, and miserable?" ---Thin Tastes Better
"These 'favorite' foods are not free-you have to wear them for years to come." ---Thin Tastes Better
"You cannot eat it all and still be thin." ---Thin Tastes Better
"Deprivation doesn't just happen, it's something that is done to you. The dictionary tells us so. A person who is deprived has been stripped of some 'necessity of life or healthful environmental influence by an external person or force.'" ---Thin Tastes Better
"Children living in poverty are deprived. Families trapped in war-town cities are deprived. Prisoners are deprived. They have no choice, no control over their situation. We have control. We make the choice. We are not deprived!" ---Thin Tastes Better
"Sure, I CAN eat, but I choose not to. It's not worth it-it's not worth being fat." ---Thin Tastes Better
"When you are eating these "yummy" foods, you were not happy-you were miserable. The more you ate, the worse you felt and the worse you looked. That life (of being fat and out of control) was not some mythological paradise." ---Thin Tastes Better
"This food is not for me. It is not worth the chaos and the weight gain that it will bring into my life." ---Thin Tastes Better
"The foods that this society considers to vital-the sweets and snack foods that so many people live for-did not even exist for most of human history. There are entire societies that live perfectly well without the "benefits" of chips, dips, double cheeseburgers, French fries, cookies or M&Ms. Indeed, for almost all of human history, the overwhelming majority has never seen, tasted, or wanted these foods." ---Thin Tastes Better
"When you say 'no' to food you aren't saying 'no' to happiness-you're saying YES to a thinner you, YES to all the clothes you want to fit into, YES to all the jealous stares and swooning guys." ---Thin Tastes Better
"Food is an enemy, not a treat. The real deprivation is never being thin." ---Thin Tastes Better
"It will NOT be delicious in the long run-it will only be fattening." ---Thin Tastes Better
link post comment
Quotes [Aug. 15th, 2004|07:03 am]
More Quotes
"Food fascinated me, repulsed and attracted me. It was my obsession."
"While they were feasting, I was smelling the aromas and watching food go into people's mouths. I had to flex the muscles in my jaw and gut to stop myself from taking more food and feeling the hunger that was eating my stomach."
"Invest in child size dishware...like blues clues or powerpuff girls. Not only will your servings be smaller, you'll be reminded that you're trying to look like you're in 4th grade again."
"I have a gum philosophy...
cinnamon = when you are craving warm food
peppermint = comfort food
wintergreen = cold food
fruity gum = sugar attack."
"I want to do more than be thin, I want to be possessed by thin. As Marya said in Wasted, 'You wish to carry Thinness on your arm, with her cool smile'. That's how I feel, like I want to be more than just thin. Like I want to be smooth and long and empty. Like I want to be perfect." ---Kristy
"But I won't eat all that candy that Hansel and Gretel ate. I will be thin and pure like a glass cup. Empty. Pure as light. Music."
"Food is just to be looked at, not to be eaten!"
"I guess it's the pain I'm tired of dealing with. But I wouldn't give up my anorexia for anything. It's too much a part of me, intertwined into my daily life, 24/7. I eat, sleep, and breath anorexia and thinness. Living is, indeed, painful..." ---musicalace
"I always want to be the prettiest and the skinniest. The prettiest I can't always control-the skinniest I can." -- Emily
"Bones are beautiful!"
"Don't let anybody patronize you to gain weight. If you are going to gain, it's nobody's decision to do so but yours!"
"If people don't like your skinniness it's their problem!"
"A superskinny body with no fat-just skin and bones, is the perfection of a female body. Let it be our goal-we can all get there and stay there!"
"Let us take pride in every bone that shows-let our stomachs be empty and concave-let us eat as little as possible!"
"...people often dismiss eating disorders as manifestations of vanity, immaturity, madness. It is, in some ways, all of these things. But it is also an addiction. It is a response, albeit a rather twisted one, to a culture, a family, a self." ---Wasted
"I would not wish my journey through a shimery, fun house mirror-covered hell on anyone." ---Wasted
"Funny how we think the key to happiness is being thin, so we throw our happiness away in search of the key."
"Okay, so I have always been able to stop eating....whenever I want for however long I want....a week...a month...whatever....but now I can't stop eating and it scares the shit outta me, I need help...I need ideas on how to get back on schedule...please someone...." ---Diane
"Where do I go from here? I'm like a clock just spinning around. I feel it, tearing at my soul while I'm asleep. I feel it driving me to something I can't reach. I feel it pounding at my head like a drum. If it doesn’t stop I'll go insane."
"...my brain isn't exactly the safest place to be locked right now..." ---Janay
"...and the end result is the same...weakness. A thing to be despised. I can't stand seeing it in myself. If I want to do something (or not do something) I should be able to do it right?" ---Janay
"...and if you run hard enough you almost think you can go fast enough to get away from the darkness that is following you, and you press harder, faster, if you do more then it'll go away...but it never does." ---Janay
"...your mind fogs up, you open your eyes and you are surrounded, chained...to what you can't see, only sense. I'm choking when I try to inhale. My throat constricts, I can't swallow the pain, I think I bit off more than I could chew..." ---Janay
"...like if my heart got bigger simply so the hole could be dug deeper and it aches so bad." ---Janay
"Complain, complain, complain, that's all I do. And then I think that maybe if I do this or that, I'll feel better. But all that results in is a sore wrist, an aching head and belly, tears, midnight runs to escape from what so ardently pursues me, ending all, with me on my knees in some corner, crying, trying to understand something I can't possibly understand. ---Janay
"...I can't do it! Oh god! Oh god! Oh god! We can only go downhill from here. There's no one left to catch me and pull me back up..." ---Janay
"I'm sitting here thinking, trying to piece things together, but I think I've got pieces from another puzzle mixed in, they don’t fit...I force it and it just looks odd." ---Janay
"Oh god you guys...I need help. I'm so scared. I don’t know what to do. I feel like everything inside is bubbling up to the surface, and it hurts. It hurts so much and I don’t know what to do. I want to cut, to scream, to cry and I...oh god. Please somebody help me." ---Janay
"Isn't there supposed to be an end point where everything flattens out and it's ok again? I'm hoping, I'm praying, but I haven't reached that point yet. I'm still stuck here-wherever here is-and I hurt. I hurt, I hurt and I can't make it go away. I'm trying but I can't. I don't want to be alone and I'm scared..." ---Janay
"...but I feel like I'm falling down a deep hole and I can't breath, and everything just hurts so bad. Please somebody help me. I don't know what to do. What do I do?..." ---Janay
"I need to find a weight I'm happy with. Right now, it seems no matter how much I lose, I am still fat." ---Kat
"Something had opened up in me like a funnel, and the only possible appeasement was to fill my mouth. This has nothing to do with hunger. It has to do with filling the mouth so the howl can't make it's way out." ---Life Size
"Anorexia means never having to say you're skinny."
"One day I talked to God but the sky wept on me and the ground opened up and welcomed me to climb inside and fade away like a decaying flower that I am with the greyest of opinions I agreed to a man I K"---Manics
"You're only popular with anorexia..." ---Tori Amos
"I'm half alive but I feel mostly dead." ---Jewel
"I don't want the world to see me, cause I don't think that they'd understand." ---Iris, The Goo Goo Dolls
"If you don't eat, you don't get hungry."
"Pain is only weakness leaving the body."
ANOREXIC PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
Food can cause many physical and mental health problems. Physical side effects associated with food are high blood pressure, high blood sugar, heart problems, and the most serious of all, FATNESS!!!!!! If the food consumption and FATNESS are ignored, it turns to OBESITY!!!!! FATNESS is a TURNOFF to EVERYONE around you!!!! Being FAT makes you UGLY! NO ONE LIKES A FAT UGLY SLOPPY BITCH!!! AND IF YOU ARE -FAT- NO ONE WILL LIKE -YOU-!!!!! If no one likes you, you get LONELY and DEPRESSED!!! See how much trouble FOOD causes? Say NO to the most common street drug, FOOD!!! If you have eaten today, YOU ARE FAT!!!!
"I'm sick. I'm sick in my mind. I'm a walking contradiction, trying to be perfect with a HUGE skeleton in my closet. I can't go on like this, I don't think. I could never get rid of ana. I don't know what to do. I'm sorry I'm whining...I just need to get it out." ---Meggies
"I will control my emotions, not let my emotions control me. Every time I am tempted to use food to satisfy my frustrated desires, build up my injured ego, or dull my senses, I will remember, even though I overeat in private, my excess poundage is there for the world to see. HOW FOOLISH I HAVE BEEN!!!"
"Every bite is another step towards misery."
"The greasy fry, it cannot lie, its truth is written on your thigh." ---Quinn from Daria
"So you're walking on the edge
and you wait your turn to fall
but you're so far gone
that you don't see the hands upheld to catch you
and you could find the fault
in the heart that you've been handed
for though you cannot fly
you're not content to crawl...
and it's always too late when you've got nothing
so you say."
"...no matter how much I fight to get better I am just in remission, and in all actuality, no matter how much I fight, I have no control over it anyway." ---Naked Eye
"I try to do everything I can to be the perfect girl with the perfect life with the perfect eating disorder as a sort of 'side effect'." ---Naked Eye
"I also believe that I'll never be in recovery. That I will always be fighting, and believing that I'll never be ok because I don't want to be ok. I want to struggle and to achieve that status of a beautiful waif." ---Naked Eye
So I leave now, with no answers, only words scribbled that made some sense, probably to only me. ---Naked Eye
"Things change, but they aren't really different." ---Naked Eye
"Your mind should always be on your diet."
"The more they give me, the less I'll eat."
"Why can't the realize my strength? How much it's taken to make so little of myself."
"The less I swallowed, the more I declined, the more I hope to pare things down to the essentials."
"In the body, as in art, perfection is attained not when there's nothing left to add, but when there's nothing left to take away."
"Perfection was easy...it equaled not being fat."
"Remeasure, reweigh, try harder."
"When you coast without eating for a significant period of time and you are still alive, you begin to scoff at those fools who believe they must eat to live. It is blatantly obvious that this is not true."
"Eating disorders are a 24-hour-a-day fixation. They are with you from the moment you awake to the moment you fall asleep. Counting those calories, fear of getting fat, that's all you think about." ---Randi E. Wirth, Ph.D.
"Whatever you want in life, you must give up something to get it. The greater the value, the greater the sacrifice required of you. There's a price to pay if you want to make things better, and a price you'll pay for just leaving things as they are. Nothing worthwhile comes easily to anyone. Work, continuous work and hard work, is the only way to accomplish results that last."
"In Sparta, Greece, people ate at the common table where the diet was strict. Those who gained weight over their ideal-prime weight were separated from society." ---Indro Montanelli (History of The Greeks)
"I swear on my grandpa's grave that I will not eat solid food for the next seven days. I deserve more punishment than that for my gluttony, but that will do for now. If it's not good enough after the seven days I'll do more." ---Jenni
"There is such a thing as perfection...and our purpose for living is to find that perfection and show it forth." ---Richard Bach
"Fasting is the greatest remedy-the physician within!" ---Philippus Paracelsus
"Fasting is a valid experience. It can benefit any otherwise healthy person whose calories now have the upper hand in his or her life." ---The New England Journal of Medicine
"Humans live on one-quarter of what they eat; on the other three-quarters lives their doctor." ---Egyptian pyramid inscription, 3800 B.C.
"The sufferings which overtake beings are the fruit of their desires." ---Gautama Buddha
"When you fast, anoint your head and wash your face so that you do not appear to others to be fasting, but to your Father, who is in the secret place; and your Father, who sees in secret, will reward you openly." ---Jesus Christ
"She or he who does good of her or his own accord shall be rewarded, but to fast is better for you, if you but knew it." ---Mohammed
"...I'd like to stay a secret,
Like walking in the dark,
If no one knows you, no one cares
So no one breaks your heart."
---"Spacey" by Nick Traina
Dying is an art, like everything else.
I do it exceptionally well.
I do it so it feels like hell.
I do it so it feels real.
I guess you could say I've a call.
---Lady Lazarus by Sylvia Plath
"...and I'm so terrified of no one else but me
I'm here all the time
I won't go away
It's me, yeah I can't get myself to go away..."
---Matchbox 20
"Let me be empty and weightless and maybe I'll find some peace tonight..." ---Sarah McLachlan
“They are trying to fatten you up like a fucking prize-winning heifer.”
"The word fat assumed a meaning as deadly as cancer. Getting fat was worse than losing your job, worse than being jilted at the altar, worse than living in a trailer park and growing up without shoes. You need to start watching yourself, my Mom said, before it’s too late."
"People don’t see me. No one sees me. It’s like being fat. No one takes you seriously. You just don’t exist – you’re so big, you’re not even there."
"You will be tempted quite frequently, and you will have to choose whether you will enjoy your self hugely in the twenty minutes or so that you will be consuming the excess calories, or whether you will dislike yourself cordially for two or three days, for your lack of willpower"
"...For every pang of hunger we feel, we can have a double joy, that of knowing we are saving worse pangs in some little children, and that or knowing that for every pang we feel we lose a pound. A pangs a pound the world around we'll say."
"Every supposed pleasure in sin [eating] will furnish more than it's equivalent of pain [dieting]"
"Those 4:00 hunger pains are striking you hard. It's the *fat time* of the day when you're starving and you appetite is telling you to over eat. But whatever you do RESIST THE TEMPTATION!!!"
"Hunger hurts but starving works" -- Fiona Apple
"cravings last only a few minutes. thin is worth a few minutes"
"food is an enemy, not a treat. the real deprivation is never being thin!"
“thin is a skill”
“happy or sad; rich or poor, it’s always better being thin”
“to be appreciated, you better be tall and thin. if you aren’t tall, you better at least be able to keep your weight below 100 pounds”
“anorexia is like a game, you play, you win, and then it’s over…or you keep playing”
“quod me nutruit, me destruit (what nourishes me destroys me)"
“…finding myself, always, excessive. taking up more than my fair share of space”- Wasted
“the problem in your life is your body. it is defined and has a beginning and an end. the problem will be solved by shrinking the body. contain yourself”- Wasted
“slim is such a strange, grinning sort of word, sliding out of the mouth, ending in the labial hum of immm”- Wasted
“my body was wrong-breasts poking through my shirts, butt jutting-all curvaceous and terribly wrong. everything was wrong” - Wasted
“i’d rather starve than spit blood” - Wasted
“the anorexic body says: i do not need. it says: power over the body” - Wasted
“a lady will eat like a bird. a lady will look like a bird, fragile boned and powerful when in flight, lifting weightless into the air” - Wasted
“what is my problem? am i such a cow that i cant live without a fucking sundae? no self-control, none. pig” - Wasted
Here are some quotes that I have found on the Internet. None of them are mine and most of them are from books. But most of them are how I feel...
"Mind over matter and I won't get fatter"
"Don't be weak, do not eat!"
"Nothing matters when I'm thin"
"An imperfect body reflects an imperfect person"
"Nothing is so bad that not eating won't cure"
"Lose everything and what is real will still remain"
"I, the hunger artist, rarely disappoint my audience"
"Like a plant, surely, the body can be trained to exist on nothing: to take it's nourishment from the air"
"We turn skeletons into goddesses, and look to then as if they might teach us how not to need"
"You can learn to love anything, I think, if you need to badly enough. I trained myself to enjoy feeling hungry. If my stomach contracts, or I wake up feeling nauseated, or I'm light-headed, or I have a hunger headache, or better yet, all of the above, it means I'm getting thinner. So it feels good. I feel strong, on top of myself. In control. Thanks to the dictator." ---Second Star To The Right
"It wasn't simply that I chose not to eat; I was forbidden to. Even thinking about forbidden foods brought punishment. How dare you, this voice inside me would say. You greedy pig. And I was grateful to have someone looking out for me, a kind of savior keeping me from being weak and fat, keeping me from hurting. Making me respect myself. Hunger, I thought, is a minuscule price to pay. To be thin, no price is too high. The sky's the limit." ---Second Star To The Right
"Sometimes I even felt I was cheating when someone praised me for my willpower; they don't know I have a little dictator inside forcing me." ---Second Star To The Right
"Once I set my heart on something, I just won't quit until I get it. Even if it starts looking like the wrong thing to go after, you know? I don't stop to question it; I just go for it, figuring once I've got it, I'll worry about the rest." ---Second Star To The Right
"How many pounds till I'm happy, how many pounds till I'm thin? Three more pounds till I'm skinny, three more pounds and I win!" ---Second Star To The Right
" Nothing, nothing's wrong, and asking is against the rules. Crying is against the rules too. You're strong, don't let them break you. They're trying to destroy you." ---Second Star To The Right
"My head is like a little courtroom. I'm the accused, the defendant, the attorney for the defense, the prosecuting attorney and the judge is a great big scale." ---Second Star To The Right
"Utterly refuse to consume an over-powering food temptation.
This is how drug problems are solved.
This is how alcoholism is beaten.
This is how smoking cessation works.
This is how addictions in general are cured."
"We all know that drugs, alcohol, tobacco, and addictions are harmful. Calories are harmful in the same way. If you eat extra calories, you are for sure killing yourself in the same way that any harmful substance kills. Suppose that we can train our minds to remember that "calories are killers". With this thought firmly and indelibly implanted in both our conscious and subconscious minds, this sobering realization can help us gain sufficient fortitude, will-power, and self-control to allow limited consumption of calories within firmly controlled bounds."
"An ordinary girl, an ordinary waist. But ordinary's just not good enough today." ---Our Lady Peace Superman's Dead
"The difference between want and need is self-control."
"Success is peace of mind which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you did your best to become the best you are capable of becoming." ---John R. Wooden
"The eyes are not responsible when the mind does the seeing." ---Publilius Syrus
"I definitely don't go by the standard 'eat a balanced diet, use moderation, and include all food groups' approach to food. For most people, this approach is fine, but when extreme definition, shocking thinness, and the pleasure that comes with these goals is the aim, this 'balanced, moderate lifestyle' has got to go."
"The only easy day was yesterday and that's because it is over." ---U.S. Navy Seals
"The draw of weightloss is quite powerful. It is something that I crave. It is like an addiction for me..." ---Astrid
"A full belly is the mother of all evil." ---Thomas Edison
"A fat kitchen, a lean will." ---Thomas Edison
"Sleep without supping, and you'll rise without owing for it." ---Thomas Edison
"A full belly makes a dull brain." ---Thomas Edison
"...even though I am sick of living, even though I know that my head will never make me look thin..." ---Tashi
"...it felt horrible but tasted so good." ---Julie
"Anorexia is not a disease-it's a lifestyle." ---Glamour Kat
"The great law of culture: Let each become all that he was created capable of being." ---Thomas Carlyle
"You've made a decision: you will NOT stop. The pain is necessary, especially the pain of hunger. It reassures you that you are strong, can withstand anything, that you are NOT a slave to your body, that you don't have to give in to its whining."
"I've freed myself from this compulsion of eating. When I wake, I am empty, light, light-headed; I like to stay this way, free and pure, light on my feet, traveling light. For me, food's only interest lies in how little I need, how strong I am, how well I can resist -each time achieving another small victory of the will: one carrot instead of two, half a cracker, no more peas. Each gain makes me stronger, purer, larger in my exercise of power, until eventually I see no reason to eat at all."
"I hear horror stories about girls who don't eat - how their hair turns white and their gums bleed. But I feel beautiful, perfect. I am all pale and bone-pale flesh and pale hair and I am light. I am like some fairy thing. I dream about fairies dancing around the house with rib cages showing like baskets under their flesh. I could drift up and away from here. I am so light. Bound by nothing. Not even time. And I am pure now." -- The Hanged Man
"Fat on your girth depletes your self worth."
"Eating fat will ruin your mood."
"Not eating light makes your clothes too tight."
"It's not hocus pocus, just keep your focus."
"A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips."
"Somewhere in the back of my brain there exists this certainty: the body is no more than a costume, and it can be changed at will. That the changing of bodies, like costumes, would make me into a different character, a character who might, finally, be all right." ---Wasted
"Well, I don't want to eat this now because there might be something I'd rather eat later."
"Most women live their lives in a state of starvation. Why should I be any different?"
"It's simple. You decide once and for all that you're not going to eat and then there aren't any further decisions to make."
"I needed to discover what was left when excess was stripped away. When nothing survived but the self in its minimal form."
"One day I will be thin enough. Just the bones, no disfiguring flesh. Just the pure, clear shape of me. Bones. That is, after all, what we're made up of, and everything else is just storage, deposit, waste. Strip it away, use it up. No deposit, no return."
"I can get thinner. I can cut it all off. I can wear low slung Levi's and crop tops and long straight dresses like willowy models, and I gasp with the breathlessness of being airborne. I can fly and be free. Jesus! I never realized how easy it was."
"This is forever. I will do whatever it takes. I want to be thin more than anything, even food."
"You're not gonna make me eat that. You're not gonna make me taste that. I can't."
"I control everything by my food-it's my way of being in charge of myself."
"You know what I really hate, well the fact that the minute you eat, is the minute you gain weight. You know what I mean?"
"Let your bones define the beauty of your body."
"A flat stomach is nice, but a concave stomach is perfect."
"Eat to live, but don't live to eat."
"They always say they are concerned about me, about my health, when all they want to do is pin me down and force-feed me: with lies, with what they call love. Like prisoners everywhere, all I have left is the power to refuse."
"I have a rule when I weigh myself: if I've gained, I starve myself for the rest of the day, but if I've lost, I starve too."
"I see myself very clearly. Somewhere between fat and thin, but not yet perfect."
"After a couple of weeks, my clothes started to breathe a bit on my hips. I felt high, as if I were in an altered, excited state of mind. I can do this! I was taking control, making a change, getting sexy, becoming a woman."
"I wrapped my whole body around the excuse that I couldn't socialize because I wasn't thin enough. Once I got thin enough, I would be a calm, sexy, popular girl. If I could only lose a little more weight, if I could only flatten my stomach, then I would be welcomed into that world. After all, I was losing weight - I was doing something that all the other girls were trying to do. So of course I would be socially accepted and comfortable soon, very soon. Change my body and I'll change my life."
"Foods have no power of their own. They can't hypnotize you. They can't mesmerize you. They can't pull a gun on you and force you to devour them. Any hypnotic power that foods hold over you is the power that you have given them." ---Thin Tastes Better
"I don't take the first little taste. I don't begin. I don't have any problem." ---Thin Tastes Better
"I've come too far to take orders from a cookie." ---Thin Tastes Better
"I don't negotiate with food." ---Thin Tastes Better
"Hunger is a feeling, not a command." ---Thin Tastes Better
"It's just a feeling. I'm not bleeding. I don't need to call 911." ---Thin Tastes Better
"Cravings only last a few minutes. Thin is worth a few minutes." ---Thin Tastes Better
"Stop looking at it. What are you looking at? You already see it every day on your thighs." ---Thin Tastes Better
"Umm, excuse me, don't you remember what happened the last time you had that food?" ---Thin Tastes Better
"Get over it. Move on. It's just a glob of calories." ---Thin Tastes Better
"My greatest strength is to not begin to eat at all." ---Thin Tastes Better
"There is a collision between food and my critical life goals. We don't throw out the goals. We throw out the food. They are not in the same league...they are not even CLOSE." ---Thin Tastes Better
"I deserve something better than a handful of calories and a few grams of fat." ---Thin Tastes Better
"How can this be my 'favorite' food if it has made me fat, unhealthy, and miserable?" ---Thin Tastes Better
"These 'favorite' foods are not free-you have to wear them for years to come." ---Thin Tastes Better
"You cannot eat it all and still be thin." ---Thin Tastes Better
"Deprivation doesn't just happen, it's something that is done to you. The dictionary tells us so. A person who is deprived has been stripped of some 'necessity of life or healthful environmental influence by an external person or force.'" ---Thin Tastes Better
"Children living in poverty are deprived. Families trapped in war-town cities are deprived. Prisoners are deprived. They have no choice, no control over their situation. We have control. We make the choice. We are not deprived!" ---Thin Tastes Better
"Sure, I CAN eat, but I choose not to. It's not worth it-it's not worth being fat." ---Thin Tastes Better
"When you are eating these "yummy" foods, you were not happy-you were miserable. The more you ate, the worse you felt and the worse you looked. That life (of being fat and out of control) was not some mythological paradise." ---Thin Tastes Better
"This food is not for me. It is not worth the chaos and the weight gain that it will bring into my life." ---Thin Tastes Better
"The foods that this society considers to vital-the sweets and snack foods that so many people live for-did not even exist for most of human history. There are entire societies that live perfectly well without the "benefits" of chips, dips, double cheeseburgers, French fries, cookies or M&Ms. Indeed, for almost all of human history, the overwhelming majority has never seen, tasted, or wanted these foods." ---Thin Tastes Better
"When you say 'no' to food you aren't saying 'no' to happiness-you're saying YES to a thinner you, YES to all the clothes you want to fit into, YES to all the jealous stares and swooning guys." ---Thin Tastes Better
"Food is an enemy, not a treat. The real deprivation is never being thin." ---Thin Tastes Better
"It will NOT be delicious in the long run-it will only be fattening." ---Thin Tastes Better
link post comment
Quotes [Aug. 15th, 2004|07:03 am]
More Quotes
"Food fascinated me, repulsed and attracted me. It was my obsession."
"While they were feasting, I was smelling the aromas and watching food go into people's mouths. I had to flex the muscles in my jaw and gut to stop myself from taking more food and feeling the hunger that was eating my stomach."
"Invest in child size dishware...like blues clues or powerpuff girls. Not only will your servings be smaller, you'll be reminded that you're trying to look like you're in 4th grade again."
"I have a gum philosophy...
cinnamon = when you are craving warm food
peppermint = comfort food
wintergreen = cold food
fruity gum = sugar attack."
"I want to do more than be thin, I want to be possessed by thin. As Marya said in Wasted, 'You wish to carry Thinness on your arm, with her cool smile'. That's how I feel, like I want to be more than just thin. Like I want to be smooth and long and empty. Like I want to be perfect." ---Kristy
"But I won't eat all that candy that Hansel and Gretel ate. I will be thin and pure like a glass cup. Empty. Pure as light. Music."
"Food is just to be looked at, not to be eaten!"
"I guess it's the pain I'm tired of dealing with. But I wouldn't give up my anorexia for anything. It's too much a part of me, intertwined into my daily life, 24/7. I eat, sleep, and breath anorexia and thinness. Living is, indeed, painful..." ---musicalace
"I always want to be the prettiest and the skinniest. The prettiest I can't always control-the skinniest I can." -- Emily
"Bones are beautiful!"
"Don't let anybody patronize you to gain weight. If you are going to gain, it's nobody's decision to do so but yours!"
"If people don't like your skinniness it's their problem!"
"A superskinny body with no fat-just skin and bones, is the perfection of a female body. Let it be our goal-we can all get there and stay there!"
"Let us take pride in every bone that shows-let our stomachs be empty and concave-let us eat as little as possible!"
"...people often dismiss eating disorders as manifestations of vanity, immaturity, madness. It is, in some ways, all of these things. But it is also an addiction. It is a response, albeit a rather twisted one, to a culture, a family, a self." ---Wasted
"I would not wish my journey through a shimery, fun house mirror-covered hell on anyone." ---Wasted
"Funny how we think the key to happiness is being thin, so we throw our happiness away in search of the key."
"Okay, so I have always been able to stop eating....whenever I want for however long I want....a week...a month...whatever....but now I can't stop eating and it scares the shit outta me, I need help...I need ideas on how to get back on schedule...please someone...." ---Diane
"Where do I go from here? I'm like a clock just spinning around. I feel it, tearing at my soul while I'm asleep. I feel it driving me to something I can't reach. I feel it pounding at my head like a drum. If it doesn’t stop I'll go insane."
"...my brain isn't exactly the safest place to be locked right now..." ---Janay
"...and the end result is the same...weakness. A thing to be despised. I can't stand seeing it in myself. If I want to do something (or not do something) I should be able to do it right?" ---Janay
"...and if you run hard enough you almost think you can go fast enough to get away from the darkness that is following you, and you press harder, faster, if you do more then it'll go away...but it never does." ---Janay
"...your mind fogs up, you open your eyes and you are surrounded, chained...to what you can't see, only sense. I'm choking when I try to inhale. My throat constricts, I can't swallow the pain, I think I bit off more than I could chew..." ---Janay
"...like if my heart got bigger simply so the hole could be dug deeper and it aches so bad." ---Janay
"Complain, complain, complain, that's all I do. And then I think that maybe if I do this or that, I'll feel better. But all that results in is a sore wrist, an aching head and belly, tears, midnight runs to escape from what so ardently pursues me, ending all, with me on my knees in some corner, crying, trying to understand something I can't possibly understand. ---Janay
"...I can't do it! Oh god! Oh god! Oh god! We can only go downhill from here. There's no one left to catch me and pull me back up..." ---Janay
"I'm sitting here thinking, trying to piece things together, but I think I've got pieces from another puzzle mixed in, they don’t fit...I force it and it just looks odd." ---Janay
"Oh god you guys...I need help. I'm so scared. I don’t know what to do. I feel like everything inside is bubbling up to the surface, and it hurts. It hurts so much and I don’t know what to do. I want to cut, to scream, to cry and I...oh god. Please somebody help me." ---Janay
"Isn't there supposed to be an end point where everything flattens out and it's ok again? I'm hoping, I'm praying, but I haven't reached that point yet. I'm still stuck here-wherever here is-and I hurt. I hurt, I hurt and I can't make it go away. I'm trying but I can't. I don't want to be alone and I'm scared..." ---Janay
"...but I feel like I'm falling down a deep hole and I can't breath, and everything just hurts so bad. Please somebody help me. I don't know what to do. What do I do?..." ---Janay
"I need to find a weight I'm happy with. Right now, it seems no matter how much I lose, I am still fat." ---Kat
"Something had opened up in me like a funnel, and the only possible appeasement was to fill my mouth. This has nothing to do with hunger. It has to do with filling the mouth so the howl can't make it's way out." ---Life Size
"Anorexia means never having to say you're skinny."
"One day I talked to God but the sky wept on me and the ground opened up and welcomed me to climb inside and fade away like a decaying flower that I am with the greyest of opinions I agreed to a man I K"---Manics
"You're only popular with anorexia..." ---Tori Amos
"I'm half alive but I feel mostly dead." ---Jewel
"I don't want the world to see me, cause I don't think that they'd understand." ---Iris, The Goo Goo Dolls
"If you don't eat, you don't get hungry."
"Pain is only weakness leaving the body."
ANOREXIC PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
Food can cause many physical and mental health problems. Physical side effects associated with food are high blood pressure, high blood sugar, heart problems, and the most serious of all, FATNESS!!!!!! If the food consumption and FATNESS are ignored, it turns to OBESITY!!!!! FATNESS is a TURNOFF to EVERYONE around you!!!! Being FAT makes you UGLY! NO ONE LIKES A FAT UGLY SLOPPY BITCH!!! AND IF YOU ARE -FAT- NO ONE WILL LIKE -YOU-!!!!! If no one likes you, you get LONELY and DEPRESSED!!! See how much trouble FOOD causes? Say NO to the most common street drug, FOOD!!! If you have eaten today, YOU ARE FAT!!!!
"I'm sick. I'm sick in my mind. I'm a walking contradiction, trying to be perfect with a HUGE skeleton in my closet. I can't go on like this, I don't think. I could never get rid of ana. I don't know what to do. I'm sorry I'm whining...I just need to get it out." ---Meggies
"I will control my emotions, not let my emotions control me. Every time I am tempted to use food to satisfy my frustrated desires, build up my injured ego, or dull my senses, I will remember, even though I overeat in private, my excess poundage is there for the world to see. HOW FOOLISH I HAVE BEEN!!!"
"Every bite is another step towards misery."
"The greasy fry, it cannot lie, its truth is written on your thigh." ---Quinn from Daria
"So you're walking on the edge
and you wait your turn to fall
but you're so far gone
that you don't see the hands upheld to catch you
and you could find the fault
in the heart that you've been handed
for though you cannot fly
you're not content to crawl...
and it's always too late when you've got nothing
so you say."
"...no matter how much I fight to get better I am just in remission, and in all actuality, no matter how much I fight, I have no control over it anyway." ---Naked Eye
"I try to do everything I can to be the perfect girl with the perfect life with the perfect eating disorder as a sort of 'side effect'." ---Naked Eye
"I also believe that I'll never be in recovery. That I will always be fighting, and believing that I'll never be ok because I don't want to be ok. I want to struggle and to achieve that status of a beautiful waif." ---Naked Eye
So I leave now, with no answers, only words scribbled that made some sense, probably to only me. ---Naked Eye
"Things change, but they aren't really different." ---Naked Eye
"Your mind should always be on your diet."
"The more they give me, the less I'll eat."
"Why can't the realize my strength? How much it's taken to make so little of myself."
"The less I swallowed, the more I declined, the more I hope to pare things down to the essentials."
"In the body, as in art, perfection is attained not when there's nothing left to add, but when there's nothing left to take away."
"Perfection was easy...it equaled not being fat."
"Remeasure, reweigh, try harder."
"When you coast without eating for a significant period of time and you are still alive, you begin to scoff at those fools who believe they must eat to live. It is blatantly obvious that this is not true."
"Eating disorders are a 24-hour-a-day fixation. They are with you from the moment you awake to the moment you fall asleep. Counting those calories, fear of getting fat, that's all you think about." ---Randi E. Wirth, Ph.D.
"Whatever you want in life, you must give up something to get it. The greater the value, the greater the sacrifice required of you. There's a price to pay if you want to make things better, and a price you'll pay for just leaving things as they are. Nothing worthwhile comes easily to anyone. Work, continuous work and hard work, is the only way to accomplish results that last."
"In Sparta, Greece, people ate at the common table where the diet was strict. Those who gained weight over their ideal-prime weight were separated from society." ---Indro Montanelli (History of The Greeks)
"I swear on my grandpa's grave that I will not eat solid food for the next seven days. I deserve more punishment than that for my gluttony, but that will do for now. If it's not good enough after the seven days I'll do more." ---Jenni
"There is such a thing as perfection...and our purpose for living is to find that perfection and show it forth." ---Richard Bach
"Fasting is the greatest remedy-the physician within!" ---Philippus Paracelsus
"Fasting is a valid experience. It can benefit any otherwise healthy person whose calories now have the upper hand in his or her life." ---The New England Journal of Medicine
"Humans live on one-quarter of what they eat; on the other three-quarters lives their doctor." ---Egyptian pyramid inscription, 3800 B.C.
"The sufferings which overtake beings are the fruit of their desires." ---Gautama Buddha
"When you fast, anoint your head and wash your face so that you do not appear to others to be fasting, but to your Father, who is in the secret place; and your Father, who sees in secret, will reward you openly." ---Jesus Christ
"She or he who does good of her or his own accord shall be rewarded, but to fast is better for you, if you but knew it." ---Mohammed
"...I'd like to stay a secret,
Like walking in the dark,
If no one knows you, no one cares
So no one breaks your heart."
---"Spacey" by Nick Traina
Dying is an art, like everything else.
I do it exceptionally well.
I do it so it feels like hell.
I do it so it feels real.
I guess you could say I've a call.
---Lady Lazarus by Sylvia Plath
"...and I'm so terrified of no one else but me
I'm here all the time
I won't go away
It's me, yeah I can't get myself to go away..."
---Matchbox 20
"Let me be empty and weightless and maybe I'll find some peace tonight..." ---Sarah McLachlan
“They are trying to fatten you up like a fucking prize-winning heifer.”
"The word fat assumed a meaning as deadly as cancer. Getting fat was worse than losing your job, worse than being jilted at the altar, worse than living in a trailer park and growing up without shoes. You need to start watching yourself, my Mom said, before it’s too late."
"People don’t see me. No one sees me. It’s like being fat. No one takes you seriously. You just don’t exist – you’re so big, you’re not even there."
"You will be tempted quite frequently, and you will have to choose whether you will enjoy your self hugely in the twenty minutes or so that you will be consuming the excess calories, or whether you will dislike yourself cordially for two or three days, for your lack of willpower"
"...For every pang of hunger we feel, we can have a double joy, that of knowing we are saving worse pangs in some little children, and that or knowing that for every pang we feel we lose a pound. A pangs a pound the world around we'll say."
"Every supposed pleasure in sin [eating] will furnish more than it's equivalent of pain [dieting]"
"Those 4:00 hunger pains are striking you hard. It's the *fat time* of the day when you're starving and you appetite is telling you to over eat. But whatever you do RESIST THE TEMPTATION!!!"
"Hunger hurts but starving works" -- Fiona Apple
"cravings last only a few minutes. thin is worth a few minutes"
"food is an enemy, not a treat. the real deprivation is never being thin!"
“thin is a skill”
“happy or sad; rich or poor, it’s always better being thin”
“to be appreciated, you better be tall and thin. if you aren’t tall, you better at least be able to keep your weight below 100 pounds”
“anorexia is like a game, you play, you win, and then it’s over…or you keep playing”
“quod me nutruit, me destruit (what nourishes me destroys me)"
“…finding myself, always, excessive. taking up more than my fair share of space”- Wasted
“the problem in your life is your body. it is defined and has a beginning and an end. the problem will be solved by shrinking the body. contain yourself”- Wasted
“slim is such a strange, grinning sort of word, sliding out of the mouth, ending in the labial hum of immm”- Wasted
“my body was wrong-breasts poking through my shirts, butt jutting-all curvaceous and terribly wrong. everything was wrong” - Wasted
“i’d rather starve than spit blood” - Wasted
“the anorexic body says: i do not need. it says: power over the body” - Wasted
“a lady will eat like a bird. a lady will look like a bird, fragile boned and powerful when in flight, lifting weightless into the air” - Wasted
“what is my problem? am i such a cow that i cant live without a fucking sundae? no self-control, none. pig” - Wasted
Are you an internet addict?
The Quiz at Quiz Meme! |
Advanced Global Personality Test
| Advanced Global Personality Test Results
|
personality test by similarminds.com
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
