psychiatrists

I really hate to go to a psychiatrist appointment. Deborah has an appointment and I am sitting here with her waiting for her to be called in. I'll be going out to the vehicle when she goes in to her appointment. The thing I hate is waiting. It seems like you wait about a half hour to 45 minutes then when you're called in there, you're only in there for maybe a maximum of ten minutes. It makes no sense to me at all. But, I guess that's how all psychiatrist offices are. They take you in and talk to you briefly and give you medicine and then you're on your way.

Mcdonalds in Fishersville

The Mickey D's in Fishersville is so slow. I hate waiting in this line. This is supposed to be fast food not slow food. How is it fast food if you have to wait forever in line? Don't make any sense to me. Funny that we are at Mcdonalds getting dad a diet coke and my stomach starts growling. Its all good though cos we have food at home.

Spring Weather

Spring has come and the weather is great. I love it. I've been wearing shorts. I hate the cold. Cold weather sucks big time. Though, I hope this warm weather isn't due to global warming. Its time to enjoy this beautiful weather. I think we're going to the park today. I was going to take dad but its too earlÝ for him.

Shamrock The Block

Well, I went to the Shamrock The Block for Magazine3r Saturday. It was a good festival. I had a good time. I worked at the Dog Pound station. I also walked around and handed out Magazine33 flyers. I took some videos of the performances of the bands and some photos. The bands rocked hard core. It was a good show and a good festival. People came out in their irish gear. Chicks wore fake beards, men wore kilts, one guy was dressed in a white suit, people wore beer mug hats and irish hats and lots of people in green. There was a lot of people there. They had expected about 10,000 people there. The channel 12 tv crew was there and I ended up on tv lol.I had fun.

Told

I told Deborah that I would be happier living with my parents and automatically she thinks there is someone else. Which there isn't. That's not why I want to end this marriage. Its because I'm not happy. Being with someone else isn't going to make me happy. Getting my head on straight and my life together is what's important. I'm depressed and I miss my parents. Marriage isn't what I thought it would be. I don't want to be married anymore. I wasn't ready to be married. I'm not mature enough to be married anyway. I got a good job and I'm going to school again. I got lots going for me. I love deborah I really do but its not enough love to keep our marriage together. I see her as my best friend. Someone who knows everything about me. Blah. I don't even know what to say anymore. Will this nightmare ever end?

My Attitude

Well, I've been depressed lately. I think this could be for several reasons. I miss my parents, I think I'm having withdrawls from them. I've always been used to living with them. Besides the fact that change gets to me after awhile. I miss living with my parents. Going back and seeing my room at my parents makes me wish I was still there. I need to go clean their house since they give me money. There could be another reason why I'm depressed. This could be because my house is cluttered and when my house is cluttered I get depressed. I know I could do someyhing about it, unclutter it. Clean it. But it's gotten to the point where it's so cluttered that I don't know where to start and I don't know where to put all the crap that we have in the house. Now I'm used to not having that much crap. Deb comes from a 3 bedroom house. Well, mom and dad have a 3 bedroom house but I didn't bring all the stuff from their house and besides I don't own that much stuff which I like because that makes for less clutter. I'm apparently not happy and I spend my days thinking about ways I could change it or what would make me happy but I don't think it will ever change. I'm married now and I just have to realize what I got myself into and realize that this is my life now and I can't change it. I mean I can change it but not without hurting people. I can change it to make myself happy but others lives will be affected. So I don't change it because I want to make others happy so I stay unhappy. This is life and I am slowly accepting it but I stay in this dream world dreaming about what I would do if my life changed. I like thinking about it but at the same time I have to face reality. There would be so many things I would do differently if my life changed the way I wanted it too. I would move back in with mom and dad and I would be happy. I love spending time with them. I love my parents. I would have more money. Money seems to be a big issue for me. Without it I am very unhappy. I guess this is because my whole life I've always had money to spend on myself and others. Now that I have a gas bill and electric bill, and water/sewage/trash bill, rent, car insurance, car payment, phone bills, well I have no money for myself. No money to spend on myself. This makes me unhappy. Living this way there is no way I'll get caught up with bills. Or so it seems. This brings me to the fact that I have to face that I may have to get a job which honestly I don't mind. It would help me get out of the house and be more socialable with the outside world. And it would bring in extra income. That would be good because then maybe I would have money to spend or at least get caught up on bills. But then that brings me to the fact that I have a family and my money is no longer my money and I can't be selfish and spend my money on myself like I am used to doing. Oh well, this is life and this is what I am faced with. I have been more quiet then I normally am because like I said, I spend my time thinking about what I would do if I was single again. I love Deborah but I don't think I was ready for all this. If I get a divorce I sure as hell am not getting married again and that is for sure. Marriage is not what I thought it was. I see my parents married and happy and they are in love and they are okay with that life. I'm not so sure about myself though. I'm in school and I work for Magazine33 which I love and that occupys my time. I try to act happy and pretend everything is okay with me. Even though its not. I don't know how to change it without hurting people or changing someone else's life and probably not for the better. Oh what a dilema.

Doctor's Offices

I think it's so boring to visit the doctor's office. I'm at a nose doctor with Deborah and I'm bored. I need to go home and clean the house since my house is so cluttered. Life seems to be about going to stupid appointments. If it ain't the doctor for Deborah or the vet for the animals it's always something. Boring.

blah

Life is blah. I can't take it anymore. Why must I live paycheck to paycheck

SPA

Who really goes to a spa? I don't and have never been. Why do people get facials? What really does a facial do to help you? I don't see it. I think people who go to those just want to be pampered and that's why they go. Who knows. I heard about a spa on the radio and thought it was worth blogging about. You see all those people on movies and TV that go to a spa. They look nice but I wouldn't want someone giving me a pedicure and I sure as hell wouldn't want to be sitting in a towel naked while some guy sits there and rubs my body down. But now if a hot chick wsa to do that I think maybe it would be okay lol.

Dentist

We are at the dentist office. Deborah thought her appointment was for 10am but it was really at 145pm. She is way excited that she is getting her teeth today. She is getting her top teeth. She is excited. She called Robbie to ask what kinda stuff she needs to hold her teeth in. Robbie told her fixadent.Al used to use fixadent. I think Petra used fixadent also. This place is boring and they have to fit Deborah in. Boring.