Thoughts

Here lately I have been wondering what my purpose in life is. What I am born to do and be. I'm not finding answers. I have been a little emotional lately. It's mostly because the way people treat me. You can't yell at me and be mean one minute and then hours later be nice to me like nothing happened and expect for me to be all smiles and happy like nothing happened because I don't forget it. And most likely I am still thinking about it and wondering what I did wrong and what I did to deserve such treatment. Sometimes I think maybe I am a bad person. These past couple days I have been feeling like I just can't do anything right. Seems like everything I do is wrong. I wonder to myself, why does travertine treat me the way they do, what did I do to make them treat me that way and how I can fix it. Then that makes me wonder what is wrong with myself and how I can change myself so others won't treat me the way they do. I start my day off positive and in a good mood and ready to get things done and accomplished and as the day goes on that all changes. I have good days and I have bad days. Having bipolar sucks. On bad days I have headaches and I'm irritable and get frustrated with myself and all I want to do is go to sleep and wait to start the next day over on a fresh clean slate with a positive attitude and in a good mood. Sometimes I wonder why people don't want to see me happy. I wonder if they like seeing me unhappy, and sad, and upset, and almost to the point of tears from frustration and hate for myself. Life isn't easy, I am just trying to survive and make it in this world like everyone else. But why must others try to bring me down and hurt me so, as if I have no feelings and if I do they don't matter. I want to find my purpose in life but at this point I don't really think I have a purpose in life. I am just here, just walking among others trying to survive, trying to blend in, not really accomplishing anything, just trying to make it even though I keep getting knocked down yet I still keep getting back up. But how many times will I keep getting back up before I just decide to give up all together? Who knows. I just want better days. I just want to be happy. I just want to be respected. I just want to feel like I have a purpose in life. Oh how I hope better days are to come. I shall pray to God for better days ahead. I don't know how much longer I can "Just survive".