Its cold

Man it got cold in a matter of hours. Brrr. And its windy too. Mom called earlier and she was trying to get Zeus in so I told her I would call her back. Bella and Cinder woke up Jen with their barking so went and got sonething to eat and I got a Pumpkin Spice Latte yum. I am going to call mom back here in a few. Time to play Words With Friends

Memories

Sometimes I have hard tine remembering things from when I was a kid. It was so long ago. It seems like I remember bits and pieces of my life and don't remember some things. I guess I have blocked out a lot so its hard for me to remember things. I try to keep the memories alive so sometimes I will repeat things I have already said. With some of my past relationships I have blocked out a lot of it and don't remember it.

I have always had mental problems. I was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder when I was in elementary school. I was put on Ritalin when I was a kid. And I was in Special Education Classes since Kindergarden. I was in Special Education from Kindergarden to eleventh grade. I think around eleventh grade is when I stopped taking Ritalin. After that I coped with my ADHD. It wasn't until I went to Woodrow Wilson Rehabilitation Center when I got back on medicine for my ADHD. The doctor first put me on Ritalin since I took it as a kid. But it didnt work so they put me on Adderall and I have been on that since. I was a child with behaviorial problems. I think I was a bad kid. I used to cuss my parents. I feel bad for the way I acted as a kid. When I turned 19 I apologized to my mom for the way I acted as a kid. I can't believe the way I was. I love my parents and I am sorry for the way I acted. I was bad and I used to fight with my sister whom I love dearly and I feel bad for being mean to my sister because I love my sister. If I could take back the way I acted growing up I totally would and I would be so different and my parents would have had it easier. I changed when I turned 19 and got out on my own. Of course I didn't really grow up and mature until I turned 30. After I turned 30 my whole perspective on life changed. I have grown up a lot. I didn't think I would ever mature but I did even though it took me longer. But at least I have grown up and matured and apologized to my parents for the way I acted. I used to do stuff for attention and its not like my parents didn't give me attention because they did. I don't know, I guess I wanted all the attention back then. Now I could care less about getting all the attention but back then I was all about it.
I used to cut myself as a teen. I was depressed. When they put me on Ritalin they eventually put me on Wellbutrin also because mom said I used to just stare out the window like a zombie. So they put me on that and I was back to me, it balanced out. But when I was a teen and they took me off Ritalin I believe I was also taken off Wellbutrin because I wasn't on mom's insurance anymore. Then again maybe I am wrong. When I was a Junior in high school I was 18  years old so I can't remember whether I was still on Wellbutrin or not or the Ritalin but I think I was off them. I do remember that I was a depressed teen though and used to cut myself. But I didn't do it for attention because I didn't really tell anyone I did it. I don't even think Karen knew I cut myself and she is my best friend. I kinda kept it hidden. I think one reason I was so depressed was because I was struggling with my sexuality. I knew I didn't like guys but I also knew and was told that I was supposed to like them according to society and the people around me. But that wasn't who I was so I struggled with that even though I had come out when I was 14. I was still expected to act a certain way but of course i rebelled against it all. I was a rebel. I did the opposite instead. I am glad I came out so young because I was able to experience so much.
I used to write poetry about death and all kinds of crazy stuff, really dark poetry. And of course I had my struggles with drugs after I got out on my own. I was young and dumb and everyone else was doing it so I tried it. Mind you I have an addictive personality. So I got addicted to things. My greatest addiction I overcame was Heroin. Surprising to some because a lot of people didn't know I did Heroin. Not wven Karen I don't think. Except for those I did drugs with. I went to NA and I listened to what they had to say and I realized I had to change my people, places and things. After I met Jen I got off Heroin but I struggled with for a long time. I wanted to be cool, I didn't want people to think I was lame. I used to care what people think now I don't give a shit. I have overcame many things and struggles in my life but with God I have overcame it all. God is good and works in mysterious ways.

Day 10

Day 10 of being thankful

I am thankful for having such good friends and best friends. I have been best friends with Karen since elementary school. I remember we used to play dj and write stories and poetry together. We had such fun growing up. And Karen would come with us on our family outings on the weekends and we would buy the latest single out on tape. I was into New Kids On The Block, Spice Girls and Hanson. Karen liked Spice Girls but she wasn't obsessed like I was lol. I had a Donnie Wahlburg poster on my wall and a Spice Girl poster and back then I used to buy all the teen magazines every time mom and i went to the store. I had a ton of posters on my wall. I am thankful that Karen has been around this long. I am sometimes hard to be around but Karen has stuck by me this whole time. She is such a great best friend. And she is like a sister to me. Thank you Karen for always being there even if we lived miles apart you were still there for me emotionally and listened to all my problems and troubles.

I am also thankful for my best friend Bear. He and I have been friends since 2008 and he has stuck by me even though he has given me plenty of advice and I did the opposite and he was always right. Lol. I remember how every holiday Bear would come celebrate with me. And thankfully this year he is coming to celebrate Thanksgiving with me. I am cooking at my house this year. Its going to be nice to have him again for another holiday. He has been there through thick and thin for me. He even went through the craziness of my ex wife with me and boy was that a mess of course that's not over yet since I am not officially divorced. When I first met Bear I was sort of intimidated by him and a little scared of him but eventually learned he wasn't a scary guy of course unless you piss him off. He is a lovable guy, a teddy bear. I am glad I am still friends with him. I always tried to make Bear's Birthday special every year since his family is in New York. Bear is family to me even if he isn't blood.

And I can't forget the friends I have at work that I am thankful for. Since they have to deal with my craziness and the mess that I am lol. Poor April has to deal with me every day even on my days off cos she can't keep me away haha.

I am thankful for all the friends I have who have been and are still there for me and are still around. Sometimes I get crazy but they stay around. I am thankful for my friends. I am also thankful for the friends I have made over the years and my friends on Facebook who have to hear me whine and complain which is a lot.

Busy Day

Man I was slammed today. And I lowered the gas prices today around one and we got even busier.Wilco ran out of regular gas so we must have gotten all their customers. Its wasn't busy as Friday though but it was busy.

Jen is at home yay but she is workin third shift unfortunately. Work tomorrow then I am off Monday for Veterans Day and off Tuesday. I qm celebrating Veterans Day with Jen but not sure where we are eating yet.

Bella and Cinder were happy to aee me. I love coming home to them and seeing them happy to see me.

Cooking

Decided to cook tonight so I am making Fettucini Alfredo that my sister Donica gave me. I am in a cooking mood tonight. I made my grocery list for Thanksgiving. I am cooking this year and gonna use my crockpot. I am making a whole bunch of stuff to eat. I can't wait, I am excited. And Bear is coming for Thanksgiving Dinner. So it shall be a grand ole affair.

Day 8

Day 8

I am thankful for all Jehovah God has provided me and continues to provide me with. I am thankful to have a roof over my head, a warm soft comfy place to sleep, clothes on my back and food to eat. Jehovah is good to me. I am grateful to have what I do. I met a homeless Veteran today, a Marine. He was in good spirits and had a positive attitude. Its sad to see so many homeless Veterans who have to sleep out in the cold especially when its almost Veterans Day. If I had the funds I would create a homeless abelter just for Veterans so they had somewhere warm and comfortable to go.

Busy Day

Man what a busy day. I smoked less cos I could barely leave the register. I did the highest in sales I have ever done. Its because our gas is so cheap. I am home now with Bella and Cinder  I love my babies. I am so happy to be home and away from work. It was like a madhouse in there today. Geez. Tomorrow will probably be just as busy.
Now time to start folding laundry. Man my feet hurt. Time to relax after I fold these clothes and put my comfy slippers on.